small (NHB Modern Plays) (eBook)

Excerpts from the Participants’ Tapes

TIMMY. Right then. Well hello.

HANNAH. They thought it might help if we explained. Or tried to.

ADAM. You might not understand yet why I would do this – that’s okay. One day you will.

ANNIE. It’s extremely surreal to be talking to myself in the future. Very weird. Hello!

LIAM. I want to believe I’ll see the stars again.

OLIVIA. I hope she’s forgiven us. I hope she visits us. You. Me.

LUCY. They said you’d be well looked after. And I think, I think you deserve that.

LUKE. It’s my last chance.

TIMMY. I can’t wait to just be able to run and run and run –

Lucy & Darren

LUCY. Thanks for agreeing to meet me and answering all those / questions.

DARREN. Of course. It’s, I’m. I’m so pleased you got in touch. It means. Um.

LUCY. You haven’t asked me why / I need to know –

DARREN. It’s not my place to ask. I’m just so glad to have met you again. Really. I.

LUCY. Well. Thank you.

DARREN. Was, there, was there anything else? You know. Now you’ve got down whether my third-aunt-twice-removed ever had kidney stones. I’m not trying to turn this into – but if there is anything else you want to know.

She hesitates.

LUCY. Actually –

DARREN. Because you can ask me anything.

LUCY. Well –

DARREN. There’s lots of stuff that, yeah, I’m not, you know, proud of. But I’ll tell you anything. Explain anything.

LUCY. That’s really –

DARREN. Everything between me and your mum. We were very, very young. You know. Too young really. So I don’t blame her for taking you back to, to. At least it got you that nice accent instead of my / twang.

LUCY. I don’t want to talk about Mom.

DARREN. Oh, right. Of course. It must still be. When I found out. I was. [Winded.] You know.

LUCY. Yeah, I –

DARREN. Only had that once before, you know. When I. At the hospital when you. Did you know I was there, when you were born? I was there. I held you before your mum actually. I was around a lot when you were [younger]. I don’t suppose you remember.

LUCY. No. I don’t.

DARREN. Right. I’ve got photos. I could show you. The photos.

LUCY. Actually, that’s sort of, what I wanted to ask you about –

DARREN. I’ve got loads of photos. Of you. And me. And your mum. Before you and when she was – pregnant. There’s a great one at a fancy-dress party. She did Madonna with the – (He mimes cone boobs, realises what he’s doing, stops.) You can have them all. The photos.

LUCY. It’s not photos, I want.

DARREN. No, of course. Photos aren’t the same as, as uh memories and / all that –

LUCY. Will you let me get a word in? Jesus. I know you’ve got a lot to say. But I really did come here to ask some questions? Specific questions. And I wouldn’t even be here if Mum was still. I don’t have anyone to ask. Mum, Nanny and Grandpa. They’re all. They’re all dead.

So the only person left from my – is you. You were round until I was – what – five.

DARREN goes to answer but stops himself.

I don’t remember, really. But you’re the only one left. A total stranger, really. Like yes a stranger who sort of has my eyes which is very. But a total stranger who apparently doesn’t know when to stop talking.

So please. I know this is. But I just want to ask you –

DARREN. You can ask me anything.

LUCY. Was I happy? When I was a child? Was I happy?

Pre-Screening

ZARA/MARCUS/KATHY/BRAD/MEGAN/CHARLIE. Hello

Hi

Good afternoon

Thanks so much for

Taking the time

We’ve just got a few

Pre-screening

Completely routine

Simple but slightly personal

Questions

As you know – we’re looking for

Healthy

Men and women

Women and men

I know those categories seem antiquated

Male and female participants

Between the ages of

Twenty-one to twenty-six

For this initial phase

For this first stage

So that’s what the questions are trying to determine

You can stop at any time

You don’t have to answer

But in order to progress to the

Next stage of screening

You must answer every question

Are you ready?

Shall we begin?

IVAN. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Timmy & Harriet

TIMMY. Why are you crying?

HARRIET. That’s. I’m not. It’s the eye drops. They were doing my eye test.

TIMMY. Right. So that was your physical assessment. When’s your physical screening? Have you passed your psych eval yet?

HARRIET looks uncomfortable.

Sorry – that’s.

You’re probably not meant to ask.

#

Bit forward, eh?

He laughs – a kind of childlike guffaw.

I’m just absolutely fascinated by all this. Turned me into a right geek. ‘Have you passed your psych eval.’ Piss off, Timmy.

She is charmed enough by this to answer.

HARRIET. Not forward. I just, we’ve just [met] –

TIMMY. No, course not. Like I said. Right geek. Never liked science before. I liked geography. Did geography at Manchester. Well I thought I liked geography but I think I actually just liked school. Being around your mates constantly, you know. Uni was good for that. Did you go?

HARRIET. To Exeter. For my undergrad.

TIMMY. Fuck, you’ve got a master’s. I wanted to do that. Doss about a bit more but not clever enough really. Not that it’s dossing. Sorry.

HARRIET. It is a little. I’m getting my PhD. Was getting. Am getting.

TIMMY. Yeah, tenses start getting tricky, don’t they?

HARRIET. Yes. They do.

TIMMY. What’s your PhD in?

HARRIET. Um.

TIMMY. Is that private too?

HARRIET. No, it’s just. It’s in children’s literature.

TIMMY. Wow. Fuck me. The psychiatrist is going to have a field day with that.

Sorry, I’m joking. I didn’t know you could do that.

HARRIET. Yeah, a couple of places do it.

TIMMY. Harry Potter and stuff?

HARRIET. I mean, you can do. A lot of people do. I think it’s a bit like doing geography and only caring about oxbow lakes.

TIMMY.…

That was a geography joke! That was funny! No one tells geography jokes. Oxbow lakes. What do you do then? Something less mainstream then oxbow lakes?

HARRIET. My thesis is on, um, Peter Pan. Which is still quite mainstream, I suppose. That’s why I laughed. Before, when you asked why I was crying. In the book, Wendy asks Peter –

TIMMY/HARRIET. Boy, why are you crying?

HARRIET. Have you read it?!

TIMMY. No but there’s this really old film, you probably haven’t heard of it, it’s Peter Pan but there’s baseball too and –

TIMMY/HARRIET. Hook.

TIMMY. Remember when they all chant his name, Ru-fi-o! Ru-fi-o! Ru-fi-o!

Do you think – do you think that’s what it’ll be like? Like – like sort of –

HARRIET. Neverland?

TIMMY. That’s stupid, isn’t it? Like I said. Ignore me!

She is charmed enough by this to answer.

HARRIET. My psych eval is tomorrow. Somehow, I don’t think my thesis choice is going to be the stickiest point.

TIMMY. Ha. Fuck.

Then all steam ahead until January 3rd.

HARRIET. Sounds like a birthday.

TIMMY. It is kind of, isn’t it?

HARRIET. I like that, a birthday.

TIMMY. Only your mates are much less likely to take you to All Bar One to celebrate.

HARRIET. Thank fuck.

He beams at her swearing, he didn’t expect that.

DR KATHY. Tim? We’re ready for you now.

Ivan & Zara

IVAN. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

I want to tell you a story. You are the first generation to hear this story – because we didn’t know it before.

If I were to go back to the 1800s and tell a child that one day man would walk on the Moon – they would think I was a madman.

If I were to tell an old woman in the 1920s that one day we would clone a sheep – she would think I was a madman.

We couldn’t imagine the Moon Landing until those first small steps. We couldn’t imagine Dolly until we heard her baa.

Now, Barbra Streisand has cloned her dog Samantha four times.

If I were to tell you that we are about to decouple time and age, you would think I am a madman.

I am not a madman.

We think of time and age as being inextricably linked – but what if they weren’t? What if they didn’t have to be?