Game Is to Be Sold, Not Told (eBook)

CHAPTER V

RAMPANT

June 1999, I met a pretty chick named Karlie while I was out shopping, and we hit it off. She was fifteen years old and back in this time; teenagers used to hang out at the mall, so it was the norm for my age group to be at a mall doing absolutely nothing. Except me…I had a lot to do and being at a mall if I am not shopping was not happening. Karlie and I had that in common and we immediately clicked. I quickly learned she was into the same things I was in via hanging out with older people and doing whatever we wanted on our terms. That was a dangerous discovery because now I have two chicks that have the same mindset as me. I never introduced Michelle and Karlie to each other, and I never had the desire to. I always felt more comfortable with just it being a two person “party.” Too many people complicate things and I always felt if some shit kicked off, two people can escape, not three and more. So, I hung out with each separately and Michelle already professed her love for me, and I did not know how to respond so I had her on the back burner at this time.

Karlie and I quickly became inseparable and that meant less time I was spending with my sweet Suki. Karlie was a cute, tall, Light-skin chick with a cute figure. Legs for days and was my sidekick. She was down for whatever and we would find ourselves at some guy house that we met walking down the street one summer day in June of 1999. I was sitting on the basement steps talking with this guy and he told me his name was Ugly. It was just him and I on these steps. I have no idea where Karlie was, but she wasn’t in danger because I always made sure her, and I was carrying a weapon. I gave Karlie the same lesson Michelle gave me the year prior. We both had a knife on us, and we luckily never had to use it as of then. Ugly was charming and funny so I did not focus on his looks much and add to the fact we were sipping alcohol, helped. We were on the basement steps that were carpeted so I was not uncomfortable considering we were sitting there for what seemed like hours. I do not know if Ugly could not fight the urge anymore or if I gave an unspoken signal but Ugly started to pull my pants down and what happened next changed how I looked at sex. Ugly introduced me to oral sex and it was a game changer for me. I lost my virginity in March 1998, and I did not have oral sex done to me until June 1999! As much porn I watched, oral sex was not what stood out, so I did not correlate that to all be a part of the wonderful act of sex! I was appalled and immediately called Juan once I left that guy’s house to bomb him out! “You took my virginity, and you did not give me oral sex?! I just had a guy named Ugly give me oral sex and it was a feeling I cannot describe, and I loved it”! All Juan could say was “You were virgin? I took your virginity?! Why didn’t you tell me? I knew you were tight but damn! I would have gotten my own room and made your first experience right”! I could not say anything because I believed him…I do think that if he knew I was virgin, my first experience would have been different. I was on a high from an oral sex orgasm but then I quickly became sad because I had choice. I chose not to say anything to Juan, and I did not have a horrible experience of losing my virginity, but it wasn’t special like I envisioned it to be, and it was all my fault.

Oral sex introduction changed the game for me because now I know its elements to sex. I felt I needed to catch up on all the oral sex I missed out on. I was not returning oral sex on men, and I was not giving any reasons as to why. I always said, “You have to earn it.” And I meant that. It was going to be a privilege to anyone I do it to whether they were a man or a woman. For the next few months, I only received oral sex from men, and I would not allow any man to penetrate me. Not even Juan and I always would be up for having sex with him. Something clicked in my head that said now they must earn your vagina too. That became engraved in my mind. I was never fully satisfied after I had sex, and the men were. I was getting the short end of the stick. I mentally started to withdraw from the opposite sex and my attraction to them.

Karlie and I went to different schools so by this time school is back in session and totally hindering me from my mantra of doing what I wanted to do. I had gotten suspended from school for getting caught being at a store across the street during school hours. On that suspension Karlie calls me while I am at home and tells me this chick is running her mouth about me at her school. An hour later I am at her school on her lunch break fighting this chick in my bra because I always removed my shirt before I fought so whoever I am fighting cannot grab my shirt! I beat that girl’s ass for running her mouth about me and then I put my shirt back on and walked off the school property to a bus stop to go to a train station to head back home. That night my mother came home and told me I got a week added onto my suspension because the principal at that school notified my principal of what I did earlier that day. I just looked at my mother and said “Ok” and walked away. Was I supposed to act like I cared or worse…like I was sorry? I was neither. It is consequences to running your mouth about someone you do not know to someone they do know. I was an incredibly angry teenager by this time, and I was becoming more aggressive and volatile as the year 1999 went on.

By this time my father had moved out of the house, and it was just me and my mother. I would stay out for days at a time and then come back when I needed a good night’s rest and some real food. I would stay home for two days top and then I would be back out in the streets with Karlie or Michelle. I did not bring up Michelle’s outburst again and after a couple of months we were back hanging out. Suki was not seeing much of me, and she would call and let me know her displeasure with that. I would always tell her I would see her soon and soon would never come.

Towards the end of 1999, Karlie became pregnant and that was her wake up call. She stopped running the streets with me and geared up to be a mother like I should have become by September 1999. But my mother took that opportunity away from me whereas Karlie’s Mother said getting rid of her child was not an option. That was the best decision for Karlie ultimately. She was a good girl too, but her hormones were winning her battles as mine were winning mine. In 2000, she welcomed a son into this cold world, and he needed her. I no longer needed her to be my sidekick and I was happy for her because she was going to experience Motherhood.

I still had Michelle and our adventures became more of me not wanting her to be alone out there in the streets. Her home life was not great, and she found being anywhere but there was best for her. May 2000, I accompanied Michelle on a mission to see this guy she was seeing regularly, and I met a couple times, so I was comfortable with the mission. It was where the guy who I shared my first kiss with at camp in summer of 1997 lived too. I was around there a couple times and never saw him until one day I saw him as I was walking from the store. He yelled out “SO YOU A HOE NOW”!? I was shocked because I have not seen him since camp in 1997 and that was the first thing he thought to say to me. I walked over to him, and I asked him what was that all about? His reply was “You have been coming around here with that hoe a few times and she has been passed around. You have not fucked anyone, yet I heard.” This was absolutely true. I have not had sex with anyone but Juan the last few months. I would just go with Michelle on her missions so she would not be alone and there in case some shit popped off. Two knives were better than one, so I always wanted to be there for her. Protect her…

I stood there for five minutes listening to the guy who gave me my first kiss tell me all the shit he heard about Michelle, and he ended it with “YOU NEED TO GO HOME NOW” and walked off. I did not try to stop him, but I should have listened to him and went home but I did not and later that day I paid the price for that. This particular day was really sunny and nice. I remember the weather so vividly because it was extremely sunny with the prettiest blue skies…I walked back to Michelle’s guy’s apartment and we all just hung out and watched TV. Around 4pm, Michelle, her guy friend and I walked across the street to this other guy’s house to go smoke marijuana. Michelle got me to smoke my first blunt a week earlier with this same guy friend of hers. I was so high that I thought I was going to die as they left me in this abandoned apartment where we were smoking, so they could go walk to the store to get snacks. I realized then that marijuana and snacks go hand in hand. Back to the day I should have listened to the guy from camp and went home…instead I walked into this apartment with Michelle and her guy friend to see two other guys there.

I am not nervous because Michelle’s guy friend knew them, and this was his neighborhood. I just sat and stayed quiet. I hit the marijuana as it was passed to me in steady rotation. An hour later we all get up to leave and as I was following them walking out the door, I am grabbed and dragged from behind with their hand over my mouth and thrown into a bedroom on the bed. I began yelling out for Michelle and it was quiet. I hear the man that grabbed me into the room say “They are gone. It is just you and me and if you yell again, I am going to beat your ass with this.” He had a baseball bat at the door that he grabbed and began waving it in the air. I yelled again and he grabbed me by my neck, and I could not breathe so I quickly realized he was not...