Troilus and Cressida (The Unabridged Play) + The Classic Biography: The Life of William Shakespeare (eBook)

SCENE 1. Troy. A street

[Enter, at one side, AENEAS, and servant with a torch; at another, PARIS, DEIPHOBUS, ANTENOR, DIOMEDES the Grecian, and others, with torches.]

PARIS.
See, ho! Who is that there?
DEIPHOBUS.
It is the Lord Aeneas.
AENEAS.
Is the Prince there in person?
Had I so good occasion to lie long
As you, Prince Paris, nothing but heavenly business
Should rob my bed-mate of my company.
DIOMEDES.
That’s my mind too. Good morrow, Lord Aeneas.
PARIS.
A valiant Greek, Aeneas—take his hand:
Witness the process of your speech, wherein
You told how Diomed, a whole week by days,
Did haunt you in the field.
AENEAS.
Health to you, valiant sir,
During all question of the gentle truce;
But when I meet you arm’d, as black defiance
As heart can think or courage execute.
DIOMEDES.
The one and other Diomed embraces.
Our bloods are now in calm; and so long health!
But when contention and occasion meet,
By Jove, I’ll play the hunter for thy life
With all my force, pursuit, and policy.
AENEAS.
And thou shalt hunt a lion, that will fly
With his face backward. In humane gentleness,
Welcome to Troy! now, by Anchises’ life,
Welcome indeed! By Venus’ hand I swear
No man alive can love in such a sort
The thing he means to kill, more excellently.
DIOMEDES.
We sympathise. Jove let Aeneas live,
If to my sword his fate be not the glory,
A thousand complete courses of the sun!
But in mine emulous honour let him die
With every joint a wound, and that tomorrow!
AENEAS.
We know each other well.
DIOMEDES.
We do; and long to know each other worse.
PARIS.
This is the most despiteful’st gentle greeting
The noblest hateful love, that e’er I heard of.
What business, lord, so early?
AENEAS.
I was sent for to the King; but why, I know not.
PARIS.
His purpose meets you: ‘twas to bring this Greek
To Calchas’ house, and there to render him,
For the enfreed Antenor, the fair Cressid.
Let’s have your company; or, if you please,
Haste there before us. I constantly believe—
Or rather call my thought a certain knowledge—
My brother Troilus lodges there tonight.
Rouse him and give him note of our approach,
With the whole quality wherefore; I fear
We shall be much unwelcome.
AENEAS.
That I assure you:
Troilus had rather Troy were borne to Greece
Than Cressid borne from Troy.
PARIS.
There is no help;
The bitter disposition of the time
Will have it so. On, lord; we’ll follow you.
AENEAS.
Good morrow, all.
[Exit with servant.]

PARIS.
And tell me, noble Diomed-faith, tell me true,
Even in the soul of sound good-fellowship—
Who in your thoughts deserves fair Helen best,
Myself or Menelaus?
DIOMEDES.
Both alike:
He merits well to have her that doth seek her,
Not making any scruple of her soilure,
With such a hell of pain and world of charge;
And you as well to keep her that d
Not palating the taste of her dishonour,
With such a costly loss of wealth and friends.
He like a puling cuckold would drink up
The lees and dregs of a flat tamed piece;
You, like a lecher, out of whorish loins
Are pleas’d to breed out your inheritors.
Both merits pois’d, each weighs nor less nor more;
But he as he, the heavier for a whore.
PARIS.
You are too bitter to your countrywoman.
DIOMEDES.
She’s bitter to her country. Hear me, Paris:
For every false drop in her bawdy veins
A Grecian’s life hath sunk; for every scruple
Of her contaminated carrion weight
A Troyan hath been slain; since she could speak,
She hath not given so many good words breath
As for her Greeks and Troyans suff’red death.
PARIS.
Fair Diomed, you do as chapmen do,
Dispraise the thing that you desire to buy;
But we in silence hold this virtue well:
We’ll not commend what we intend to sell.
Here lies our way.
[Exeunt.]

SCENE 2. Troy. The court of PANDARUS’ house

[Enter TROILUS and CRESSIDA.]

TROILUS.
Dear, trouble not yourself; the morn is cold.
CRESSIDA.
Then, sweet my lord, I’ll call mine uncle down;
He shall unbolt the gates.
TROILUS.
Trouble him not;
To bed, to bed! Sleep kill those pretty eyes,
And give as soft attachment to thy senses
As infants’ empty of all thought!
CRESSIDA.
Good morrow, then.
TROILUS.
I prithee now, to bed.
CRESSIDA.
Are you aweary of me?
TROILUS.
O Cressida! but that the busy day,
Wak’d by the lark, hath rous’d the ribald crows,
And dreaming night will hide our joys no longer,
I would not from thee.
CRESSIDA.
Night hath been too brief.
TROILUS.
Beshrew the witch! with venomous wights she stays
As tediously as hell, but flies the grasps of love
With wings more momentary-swift than thought.
You will catch cold, and curse me.
CRESSIDA.
Prithee tarry.
You men will never tarry.
O foolish Cressid! I might have still held off,
And then you would have tarried. Hark! there’s one up.
PANDARUS.
[Within]
What’s all the doors open here?

TROILUS.
It is your uncle.
[Enter PANDARUS.]

CRESSIDA.
A pestilence on him! Now will he be mocking.
I shall have such a life!
PANDARUS.
How now, how now! How go maidenheads?
Here, you maid! Where’s my cousin Cressid?
CRESSIDA.
Go hang yourself, you naughty mocking uncle.
You bring me to do, and then you flout me too.
PANDARUS.
To do what? to do what? Let her say what.
What have I brought you to do?
CRESSIDA.
Come, come, beshrew your heart! You’ll ne’er be good,
Nor suffer others.
PANDARUS. Ha, ha! Alas, poor wretch! a poor capocchia! hast not slept tonight? Would he not, a naughty man, let it sleep? A bugbear take him!

CRESSIDA.
Did not I tell you? Would he were knock’d i’ th’ head!
[One knocks.]

Who’s that at door? Good uncle, go and see.
My lord, come you again into my chamber.
You smile and mock me, as if I meant naughtily.
TROILUS.
Ha! ha!
CRESSIDA.
Come, you are deceiv’d, I think of no such thing.
[Knock.]

How earnestly they knock! Pray you come in:
I would not for half Troy have you seen here.
[Exeunt TROILUS and CRESSIDA.]

PANDARUS. Who’s there? What’s the matter? Will you beat down the door? How now? What’s the matter?

[Enter AENEAS.]

AENEAS.
Good morrow, lord, good morrow.
PANDARUS.
Who’s there? My lord Aeneas? By my troth,
I knew you not. What news with you so early?
AENEAS.
Is not Prince Troilus here?
PANDARUS.
Here! What should he do here?
AENEAS.
Come, he is here, my lord; do not deny him.
It doth import him much to speak with me.
PANDARUS. Is he here, say you? It’s more than I know, I’ll be sworn. For my own part, I came in late. What should he do here?

AENEAS. Who!—nay, then. Come, come, you’ll do him wrong ere you are ware; you’ll be so true to him to be false to him. Do not you know of him, but yet go fetch him hither; go.

[Re-enter TROILUS.]

TROILUS.
How now! What’s the matter?
AENEAS.
My lord, I scarce have leisure to salute you,
My matter is so rash. There is at hand
Paris your brother, and Deiphobus,
The Grecian Diomed, and our Antenor
Deliver’d to us; and for him forthwith,
Ere the first sacrifice, within this hour,
We must give up to Diomedes’ hand
The Lady Cressida.
TROILUS.
Is it so concluded?
AENEAS.
By Priam, and the general state of Troy.
They are at hand and ready to effect it.
TROILUS.
How my achievements mock me!
I will go meet them; and, my lord Aeneas,
We met by chance; you did not find me here.
AENEAS.
Good, good, my lord, the secrets of neighbour Pandar
Have not more gift in taciturnity.
[Exeunt TROILUS and AENEAS.]

PANDARUS.
Is’t possible? No sooner got but lost? The devil take
Antenor! The young prince will go mad. A plague upon Antenor! I
would they had broke’s neck.
[Re-enter CRESSIDA.]

CRESSIDA.
How now! What’s the matter? Who was here?
PANDARUS.
Ah, ah!
CRESSIDA. Why sigh you so profoundly? Where’s my lord? Gone? Tell me, sweet uncle, what’s the matter?

PANDARUS.
Would I were as deep under the earth as I am above!
CRESSIDA.
O the gods! What’s the matter?
PANDARUS.
Pray thee, get thee in. Would thou hadst...