Dirty Secrets (eBook)

~RED BONE ENTITLEMENT~

Serves Cheetah right! I want him to feel the same pain he inflicted upon me. I want him to hurt because of my hurt. I want him to feel the ache in his gut that I’m feeling from being so deeply in love with him. I’m pregnant. I’m carrying the seed that he left growing inside of me. I’ve been assigned to give birth to a bastard! Technically, I can’t call Cheetah a bastard; when he was born his mom and dad were married and they are to this day. This heartbreak caught me off guard. This is some bullshit! I never thought being a red bone bomb that my pain would come from a man leaving me for a dark skin woman. I’ve never imagined anything like this, and I don’t like how it feels; it hurts. This pain is causing my emotions to run free like an untamed wild fire. My anger is brewing inside of me like a hot pot of chili on a cold night. I am frozen with grief.

When Cheetah became popular in the music industry, it transformed him. He declared that he wouldn’t switch up and act Hollywood. I’m wrong because here it is, right in my face and it’s consuming me like a vacuum. He vowed that his becoming successful would make him a better person because of how hard he had it and I was there, I knew how hard he had it from the experiences of seeing his struggle. All that money does is magnify the person you already are. It took time for him to get his foot in the door, and yes, during this entire time, I was living in a parable, thinking I had won the man of my dreams. I was Cinderella with my Prince charming. He’s back with his first love, the darkie with the included amenities of fame and fortune. I knew he wanted to get back with her, but I totally blocked it, living in a whole fairytale of happily ever after. I’m sure he’s still dipping off with his side pieces, especially now that he’s becoming famous and getting money. How can he lose he’s got the look, the charm, the talent, and the money not to have it all? Oh, and might I add the mind-blowing sex! YES! I can’t leave that out. Any girl in my position would be ready to murder him. The thoughts have crossed my mind: I want him dead, but I want him back and that’s running concurrent with the hate that I have brewing inside. The saying about a thin line between love and hate is exact. I’m a psychotic hot mess, but it’s hard to turn it all loose when a guy grabs your heart mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I’m ecstatic about being pregnant, especially with Cheetah’s first kid. I’m in a position that she wants to be in I’m sure, especially with giving him his first child. He made that dream come true for me, but I don’t have the RING. We made it to the finish line with an expected pregnancy that I wanted but he doesn’t. I’m miserable that I don’t have him. Being pregnant helps me cope with losing a man that I love. Loving him without having the same in return from him is driving me crazy, and it’s draining. I want him back! How can I get him back? I can’t decide if I’m wanting him, or the lifestyle. I’m not sure if it’s the lifestyle or the sex or maybe it’s both. I can’t figure out anything anymore. I must admit he’s the best sex I’ve ever had.

I find myself stuck sometimes, daydreaming about those intimate moments, and I forget what I’m doing, is that normal? Is this what happens when a person’s sprung and in love? Does every girl in my position go through this? Nobody makes me feel the way that Cheetah does. I can’t sleep at night from having thoughts of us. I miss his body next to mine. It’s not fair! It feels lonely seeing his side of the bed empty and desolate with a mental image of his frame that was once there beside me. Will this be a permanent empty bed space from now on? Will he come back to me and fill my heart again? It feels like I can’t breathe, as if life is being sucked right out of me. Some mornings I don’t want to wake up.

During our first sexual rendezvous, he gave me a mind blowing orgasm. My legs locked up and I couldn’t move. I felt my soul lifting from my body and he had to massage me to bring me back to realization that we just made the most powerful love. Here I’m thinking that I’m the one with the experience, but physically he’s the sexual genius. He’s got those sensual exchanges that have you mentally and physically climaxing diamonds, gold and pearls at the same time. He’d have me on the verge of fainting. Literally! He’d take me there; his gaze into my eyes, would give me the most powerful climax, a girl could ever dream of. YES, like that! I never had a man make my mind and soul fill with such passionate emotion. He knows how to work his body with slow movements during lovemaking, just like his dance and massage skills, he’s so intuitive about my secret spots, and I’m his prisoner. Cheetah made feel wonderful, even out of the bed, he made me feel wonderful just being in his company. Now he’s giving it all to Alia. I bet he gives her good sex too, bitch! I’m sure she gets 100 percent of him.

He’s broadcasted his marriage on Facebook. I showed up at his reception wanting to fight, but they threw me out before I could get to his new wife. I didn’t get to see her; I was trying to see what she had on and what her dress looked like. Cheetah was mad, but I didn’t care, I wanted to beat her up. The fight was almost about to materialize until Cheetah blocked that action. Now here I am at home, grieving and looking through Facebook pictures thinking that she would be rocking an iced out dress at her wedding, but hell no, she was looking like she came right out of Little House On The Prairie series. Cheetah looks so handsome in his suit; he was FLY! I wanted to fight through my pain and take out my aggression and jealousy on his new love. I wanted to make her disappear and go away for good, and bring him back to me again. He stopped that and his family is perhaps viewing me from different eyes.

Cheetah’s drawing in fans on social media; nobody cares that he’s married, especially the red bone women and everybody loves anything to do with Cheetah. He maxed out his Facebook page with five thousand friends. His love is growing everywhere and all over the planet.

He’s got a fan page with limitless followers, and everyone wanting to be a part of his life story accompanied by his successes. I’m scrolling, reading his statuses, and he’s boasting about ALIA, his new dark chocolate trophy. He’s praising her like she’s perfect. Whatever. Ugggh. He even put out a new song called “The Eve Gene,” expressing his bible philosophy on the Genesis chapter and how it meant that the tree of knowledge is about Adam eating pussy instead of taking a bite of an apple from a literal tree. That makes a lot of sense when you think about it. What if that’s true? What if that fruit is the vagina? The vagina which is the apple giving life to the world? That makes so much sense. If God didn’t want the tree of knowledge touched, why would he plant it for reach? It makes more sense from a subliminal standpoint. A lot of guys are pumping the song up. His lyrics to the song have a hidden subliminal message. The hook is my favorite;

All it took was one bite; the tree of life is between those thighs. We met in the Garden of Eden; I had to choose between good and evil.

He wrote that song, which rose to number 1 on the singles chart. It’s still number one. He’s got so much talent, and it’s hard to fathom that he and I are not an item. I am hating it! He’s posting images, flexing her spending habits. He’s got big money now and she’s taking full advantage of shopping in name brand stores and buying designer clothes. Yeah, he’s flexing big time and so is she, but he doesn’t realize how evil this industry is and it’s going to sneak up and suck him right in just like it’s done the rest of these celebrities. They go in thinking that it’s the life until they get in and come out drug addicts with mental illness. Yeah; Alia’s taking advantage of shopping; why not, who wouldn’t? She’s come a long way from a broke background. Her clothes came from thrift stores back in the day. She had to wear all of Nicole’s old clothes and she had no style or taste back then. We were the girls that all of the guys chased after because we looked the best and dressed the part. She dressed in dirty skirts, jeans and dresses too big for her with holes in her shoes and she didn’t look nothing like she does now. I’m trying to figure out what does he love about this dark spot? She’s trash! She’s not me. They’re holding hands in moving pictures, and she’s making him stand out to his fanbase. Cheetah’s always dressed nice; he’s the fly one. He’s always been the GOAT. Images of Cheetah are flawless; he’s a magnet to the cameras and canvases. He’s grown into a gorgeous light, and I remember how he would always say, “I’m gonna be humble when I make it big.”

He finally broke into the industry; and he made it. Yes! He did. He’s got no idea what’s waiting for him in this realm of being a star. I’m glad that he made it; I wouldn’t want it any other way for him. I can’t pretend that I didn’t want him to make it. I’m proud of him because he worked so hard for a long time and he deserves it; he’s got the talent for stardom. His voice speaks for itself. I wish it didn’t hurt so much losing him to a dark skin girl. She’s not better than me. Her selfies are flowing on social media. She thinks she’s a star in entertainment when she’s just a notch on his belt, a dark spot where there is...