CHAPTER 1
WHY PEOPLE LISTEN TO MUSIC

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

—Steven R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

True listening is a skill. Admittedly, I often find myself using only a fraction of my attention to listen to the person sitting across from me. Often my mind starts thinking about my response instead of hearing my partner through to the end. Sometimes I’m simply preparing to add to their story, or maybe I’m gearing up to argue my point. Or worse, I’m just waiting to change the subject back to me, myself, and I, because I really am fascinating, you know (insert seductive hair-flip here). But when I work to truly shift my focus to the speaker before me, quiet my brain’s internal chatter, and clear my judgments, something amazing happens: I learn. And my heart and mind are expanded in unexpected ways.

Have you ever asked yourself why anyone would want to listen to your music? And, backing up even further, why do people want to listen to music at all? If you’re like me, you write because you have something to say. But how can we come to understand why someone might want to listen? Understanding this will deepen our connection to our creativity and help us grasp how our songs may serve a larger purpose.

Human Connection

From a Darwinian stance, it may appear that art offers no advantages when it comes to avoiding an untimely demise. It’s not like you could stop a charging rhino with a perfectly-executed I, IV, V chord progression and a pithy bridge. But perhaps there are evolutionary advantages to the human connections created by art. Music strengthens and deepens our interpersonal bonds and can make us healthier beings.

It’s hard to deny that listening to music creates connections. Whether it be the crowd syncing up with the rhythm section of a funk band, or the swell of a symphony’s strings taking your breath away, or your heart skipping a beat when someone else’s song perfectly expresses the way you feel—music is a way for humanity to intertwine. Isn’t it incredible that a musician can impact us physically without ever laying a hand on our bodies? It's almost as if there are invisible threads between us, stitching us into one human fabric. That has a certain survival purpose, doesn’t it? Existing as an interconnected pack seems like a classic example of safety in numbers.

Knowing that we’re not alone in the world absolutely has a positive psychological impact. Psychotherapist and mindfulness and meditation teacher Tara Brach states, “Our most fundamental sense of well-being is derived from the conscious experience of belonging. Relatedness is essential to survival.”1 Have you ever felt like you were wrong or crazy for thinking or feeling a certain way? I know I have. But the truth is that there are a finite number of emotions humans can feel, yet sometimes we think we’re the only ones who have ever felt “that way.” Then someone comes along and sings a song that makes us realize they’ve been there too. Wow! That is a relief, isn’t it?

If you’re not familiar with them, look up the lyrics to Radiohead’s song “Creep.” I’ve seen this song performed numerous times and it never fails to amaze me the diverse group of audience members singing along. I think everyone can relate to the feeling of being the outsider, the weirdo, the one who doesn’t fit in. Every time I hear this song, I think, “Thank goodness we’re all together in our aloneness!”

The funny thing is, songs don’t even have to have words to create a human connection. Whether it’s some kind of hard-wired neural circuitry, or simply a product of our upbringing, or a combination of both nature and nurture, musical sounds have the capacity to elicit strong emotions in our listeners.

Playing with Our Emotions

Robert Jourdain, author of Music, The Brain, And Ecstasy: How Music Captures Our Imagination, argues that our emotional reactions are a product of our “anticipations” being either met or unmet.2 When we expect something to happen and it does, or it exceeds our expectations, this is satisfying and elicits positive emotions. For instance, say you show up to a work meeting and unexpectedly learn you’re getting a raise. Woot!! But when we anticipate something and it doesn’t happen, then we feel a longing for that sense of fulfillment. For example, we go to the store to buy milk and learn that the dairy truck never came. Now we feel a longing for that milk we can’t have on our cereal.

The way we structure our songs, both rhythmically and melodically, can set up our listeners for repeated disappointments and satisfactions. It may sound strange that listeners want to be “disappointed,” but delayed gratification is an incredibly strong psychological tool. If music is entirely predictable, it’s boring. If there is no predictability at all, it feels chaotic. I believe the best composers are those who learn to walk the line between predictability and chaos. They make their listeners feel a bit of longing by creating tension with the music, melody and/or lyrics, and then they deliver well-timed catharses.

I’ll share more about how to do this in part 2. For now, just know that there are tricks you can play with your chord progressions, melodies, and lyrics that can create tension and then release it. Understanding that listeners want you to tug on their emotions (whether they know it or not) can be a powerful tool in your composition.

Emotional Expression and Modulation

Speaking of emotions, I believe art helps us connect with the full range of emotions that make us human. If you have any doubt that music and emotion are connected, consider this: Have you ever watched a movie that has no soundtrack? Probably not. Why is that? Music supervisors are the professionals tasked with placing audio over visual media. A good music supervisor carefully selects the music to heighten the emotional impact of the action and dialogue. When the tone of the music matches the emotional tone of the movie scene, we are completely enraptured. Musical mismatch can evoke feelings of irony, like a comically disastrous scene with happy music. Music modulates the viewer’s emotional experience (and undoubtedly boosts engagement).

Even in the absence of moving pictures, listening to music can be cathartic. I’m the type of person who spontaneously cries when I hear a beautiful song. It’s embarrassing, frankly, and completely involuntary. I am physically incapable of listening to Dan Fogelberg’s “Leader of the Band” without crying. I openly wept once in Rogan’s Shoes when “Live Like You Were Dying” came on the overhead speakers. A few years ago at a Bonnie Rait concert, my friend repeatedly patted me on the knee to comfort me as tears streamed down my face while Bonnie crooned “I Can’t Make You Love Me.”

On the flip side, as a performer, I’ve watched audience members wipe their eyes when I sang my deepest truths. I’ve had people approach me after a show to tell me how much they connected with a particular song. (And sometimes they even buy the CD that contains that tune. Bonus!) I don’t believe these tears deepen anyone’s despair. It’s therapeutic to get that out, isn’t it? Whether it’s the melody, the words, or the beauty of the human voice, music has the power to shamelessly tug on our heartstrings. But within that process of listening, there is a release that somehow cleanses us.

What about when you need to get pumped? Think about an athlete pacing the locker room with her earbuds in, preparing for competition. Or picture every Nike commercial ever made. (Watching commercials during the Olympics also brings me to tears. Yes, I have problems.) Listening to hard-driving music can unleash your inner animal. And make you want to buy running shoes, possibly even while crying in Rogan’s.

Visualize a mosh pit at a death-metal concert. All that teenage angst has to be expressed somehow, right? Or an eight-month-old baby in a car seat clapping her pudgy hands to a Sesame Street sing-along during a long car ride. Or an elderly couple dancing cheek-to-cheek at their 50th wedding anniversary party to a song they loved when they first met—their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren looking on in amazement at all the life that sprang from that enduring love. There are countless examples of the ways listening to music helps us regulate or enhance our emotional states. We literally all have a soundtrack to our life.

Lyrics Help You “Put a Name on It”

Have you ever felt a mysterious pain in your body and wondered, “What is happening?” Suddenly your brain starts catastrophizing, “Oh, good gracious! I must have a rare and deadly flesh-eating virus of the ankle! They’re going to have to amputate!” So you go to the doctor, she runs some tests and tells you that you’ve developed a stress fracture. Oh, phew! The pain is still there, but don’t you have a sense of relief in knowing what’s wrong? Putting a diagnosis on a particular physical concern gives you a prognosis, and that prognosis can give you a sense of control.

Song lyrics can have a similar effect. When a listener hears a songwriter spell out the details of their condition, it can be quite a relief. I was playing in a writers’ round with two other songwriters years ago, and after a particularly heart-wrenching song, I jokingly...