Soul of Ethical Service (eBook)

Chapter 1:

The Soul of Deep Roots

Developing an Internal Frame of Reference

Our profession of massage therapy graciously provides us with a code of ethics that offers guidance and an external framework. This lived wisdom definitely shows us the way of wholesome and right conduct. It graciously offers us an orientation toward the direction of our choices. I am deeply grateful for this guidance; however, this is often not enough. We need more; we need something that gives us deeper rooting, something that is strong and firm—an unwavering stance if you will.

Many situations that arise with our clients require a decision that is based on something deeper, something within our self, something internal. For example, you have been seeing a client for several years and she has suddenly lost her job and can no longer afford your services. How do you respond and what is your response based on? How do you engage in conversation? What part of you is making the decision about what to do next? The considerations are many.

Another situation may involve a client that you feel is too difficult to work with. Do you plow through and ignore the inner nudging, or do you travel within for the answer? What makes this client difficult for you? What buttons of yours are being pushed? What type of conversation do you have with your client?

Do you engage in dual-role relationships—a relationship with your client beyond the therapeutic relationship—and if so, what is the reason? Do you enter mindfully and cautiously? Are your relationships with your clients too friendly and how do you define too friendly? Do you understand the complexity dual roles can create? Are you able to track the potential impact dual roles have on the therapeutic relationship? Are your roles clearly defined?

When does therapist self-disclosure serve the therapeutic relationship? Are you a careful listener, or a self-serving chatterbox ?

Here is another situation: You are relocating and therefore closing your practice. What is the proper way to say goodbye to your clients? What is your ethical protocol?

When is a good time to increase your prices? How do you decide the timing, the reason, your fee? How do you communicate your decision to your client?

How many chances do you give “Late Larry”? How do you handle “Chatty Kathy” with care? Do you ignore them or address their behavior? Do you have established and written therapeutic policies? Do you enforce your policies? How do you hold your clients accountable? Are your abilities to track and understand the therapeutic dynamics clear to you?

What is your highest level of care? What guides your way? What is your therapeutic intention?

When do you decide you can no longer serve your client? How do you exercise your right of refusal?

The dynamics to the above situations are many and often quite complex. Our external code of ethics does not address these situations specifically. So what do we do, where do we draw from in order to make ethical decisions? The discipline of an inner life can support us in developing an internal frame of reference. Intentionally developing a personal inner code of conduct requires us to reflect on questions that have to do with trustworthiness, responsibility, respect, integrity, inner values, caring, helping, power, reliability, and commitment. We have a fiduciary responsibility to attend to the client in a manner that provides safety and trust. Relying on both an external and internal code of conduct provides a solid foundation for our practice.

How Do We Develop This Internal Frame of Reference?

First, we must establish a commitment and discipline to our own inner work. This takes many, many forms. A few years ago, I read the book, Emotional Intelligence by psychologist Daniel Goleman. He brought to my attention the definition of self-awareness as knowing one’s internal states, preference, resources, and intuitions. His definition places emphasis on the ability to monitor our inner world, our thoughts, and our emotions as they arise. He reminds us that self-awareness is not only about what we notice around us, but what we notice and feel within us.

How do we monitor our inner world of thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and attitudes and make the necessary changes in order to get the results we desire, or shall I say; to become the practitioner we want to be? Self-observation allows us to become aware of our conditioning and limiting mindset that show up in our session room.

Pause and notice!

One of my favorite authors is Viktor E. Frankl, a Holocaust survivor. His cornerstone work, Man’s Search for Meaning, is a beacon for those who wonder how meaning can emerge from tragedy. Frankl offers us an invitation into self-awareness. His invitation reminds us to pause and reconsider the in-between. This in-between is the space between stimulus and response. He suggests this in-between can be the space for growth and freedom. Frankl’s words shed light on the space of conscious choice.

The following four touchstones will orient you in developing deeper awareness within this space between stimulus and response. May this awareness support you in developing, or making clearer, your internal frame of reference. The four are

•Observing ourselves

•Refining our thoughts

•Practicing inner self-care

•Cultivating deep roots

Observing Ourselves

Self-observation is a way that deepens our inner awareness, a way of getting to know ourselves. It’s not just about who we think we are while doing what is familiar and comfortable. It’s not something we can simply know with our intellect. It’s about turning inward, into that deeper knowing of who we are in our soul. It is experiential knowing. We feel it in our body. Learning to observe oneself is a learning process. Self-observation gives us a unique and definite orientation toward who we are and how we practice from moment to moment. It sheds light on our habitual ways of thinking and behaving. Self-observation keeps us awake both inside and outside the session room. To remain centered with our inner observer takes discipline and desire. The client-therapist relationship is often complex and confusing. The discipline of self-observation becomes a method of consciously cleaning the windows, which can help us see ourselves more clearly. This method can reveal to us the ways that no longer serve the client-therapist relationship.

Throughout my work day, I enter into what I call the pause. It consists of the following questions: What am I doing? Why am I doing this? and Who am I being? Being in the pause requires me to observe how I am relating to my client while noticing the state of my inner life. The ability to be mindful and feel my breath, while touching or listening to my client, is a marvelous practice. The ability to be present to our client’s response to our words and our touch is a necessary practice. The ability to track for and repair the damage done when our impact is different from our intention lifts the fog of hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

How do we greet our client? Is our greeting warm and welcoming? Is our intake interview offered with intention and client focused? Does the conversation swing too much toward useless practitioner self-disclosure? Are my actions expressed with respect and honor, or do they convey a quality of casual friendliness? Every moment is an opportunity to move closer to our self-observer.

This space offers each one of us the opportunity to consciously choose and create our internal frame of reference that moves us closer to wholesome and right conduct. This is not accomplished through complacency and inattentiveness, but rather through the context of a disciplined practice. We must open the door that awakens us to ourselves, our actions, and our impact on our client. It is important to remember—we become what we practice.

Refining Our Thoughts

We must strive to become more aware of our mental habits that drive our conduct. Our awareness will allow us to place new emphasis on our higher values so that we serve our clients from our best and truest self. With inner practice we can refine our thoughts that sometimes result in negative attitudes toward our work and our clients. This skill develops as we learn to live from the inside-out.

Our practice is filled with the desire to do no harm and yet we make mistakes. At times we find ourselves working from a place of naiveté. We often are unaware of the impact our words and actions have on our client, and we are not skilled in relationship repair.

One of my favorite books is titled, As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. I love this little book. Its forty pages are filled with gems and pearls. James suggests that our mind is the master-weaver of both the inner garment of character and the outer garment of circumstances. It is important to remember that our thoughts shape our beliefs, and our beliefs shape our character. Our thoughts are seeds that produce the garden of our life. Our garden can be beautiful and pristine, or it can be full of weeds.

I remember seeing a bumper sticker several years ago saying, “change happens at the speed of thought.” I found the words to be very interesting but never took their meaning deep within my practice of living until a few years ago. Thoughts are energy and our energy permeates the session room. It is important to remember: we become what we think about. And so the question is, What...