The Heart of Nonviolent Communication

Stephanie Bachmann Mattei is a certified trainer and assessor with the Center for Nonviolent Communication, an affiliated teacher with the Right Use of Power Institute, and a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction teacher with the Center for Mindfulness at the University of California, San Diego. She holds a research degree in philosophy from the Universita' Degli Studi di Firenze, Italy. She wrote her dissertation on the sixfold system of Indian philosophy while living in ashram under Swami Yogamudrananda Saraswati. Kristin K. Collier has published poems, articles, and essays online and in magazines such as The Sun. Kristin's 2016 memoir, Housewife: Home- Remaking in a Transgender Marriage, won several awards, including a prestigious Nautilus Book Award. She and her parenting partner, Seda Collier, have been featured on NPR's Snap Judgment. Kristin has been developing and sharing her practice of Nonviolent Communication since 2004, with a special interest in parenting. She is a teacher and administrator for social groups that serve neurodiverse children and youth, including young people on the autism spectrum. In these roles, she teaches about relationships and sexuality, and integrates the skills and spirit of Nonviolent Communication into every curriculum. Kristin continues to learn about courage and adventure from her now-adult sons and enjoys canoeing, backpacking, and dancing the Lindy Hop. Her work, focusing on joy, can be found at www.collierconnections.com

ForewordIntroductionPart 1. Fundamentals1.Life-Connected and Life-Disconnected Mindsets2.Moralistic Judgments and Value Judgments3.Interdependence and Dependence or Independence4.Power-With and Power-Over5.Choice and Submission or RebellionPart 2. Components6.Observation and Observation Mixed With Evaluation7.Feelings and Feelings Mixed With Thoughts8.Needs and Strategies9.Requests and Demands10.Idiomatic Language and Classical (Formal) LanguagePart 3. Options for Connection11.Being Giraffe and Doing Giraffe12.Empathy and Sympathy or Other Responses 13.Empathic Sensing and Intellectual Guessing14.Self-Empathy and Acting Out, Repressing, or Wallowing15.Jackal Honesty and Giraffe HonestyPart 4. Options for Power16.Punitive Use of Force and Protective Use of Force17.Respect for Authority and Fear of Authority18.Self-Discipline and ObediencePart 5. Further Applications19.Natural and Habitual Ways of Being20.Vulnerability and Weakness21.Stimulus and Cause22.Persisting and Demanding23.Shift and Compromise24.Appreciation and Approval, Compliments, or Praise25.Love as a Feeling and Love as a NeedConclusionAcknowledgmentsAppendicesNotesIndexThe Four-Part Nonviolent Communication ProcessSome Basic Feelings We All HaveNonviolent Communication Research and About Nonviolent CommunicationAbout PuddleDancer PressAbout the Center for Nonviolent CommunicationPuddleDancer Press Book and BookletsAbout the Author