The 4 Habits of All Successful Relationships

Successful relationships take work and wisdom. TEDx speakers, Jon and Andrea Taylor-Cummings share the four habits demonstrated by every successful relationship. By learning the principles and techniques that underpin these 4 habits, we can all change our behaviours from habits that damage relationships to habits that strengthen them, on purpose.

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The quality of our relationships impacts just about everything that really matters most. They impact how we “show up” and what we are able to achieve – at home, at work and in life. They impact our health and wellbeing, and ultimately, they determine the quality of our very lives.

But successful relationships don’t just happen automatically. They take work. The problem is, often we have no idea what to work on! Every relationship faces hurdles. Our different views, opinions and approaches as individuals mean we have different expectations and when those expectations are not met, we feel frustrated and disappointed. Unaddressed and repeated over time, this frustration leads to broken relationships, broken homes and broken people. So many relationships lose out because we are not equipped to do relationships well before problems arise… until now.

Based on over 25 years of working in relationship education, in this book, Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings share four fundamental habits that often distinguish between successful and unsuccessful relationships. Every successful relationship displays them and every failing relationship is missing at least one. By learning the principles, tools and techniques that underpin The 4 Habits© we can all change our behaviours from habits that damage relationships to habits that strengthen them, on purpose. This means we can all learn to “show up” better, have better conversations and achieve better outcomes in ALL our relationships – with our partners, children, colleagues, friends, everyone! These four habits are so fundamental to all relationships that they continue to resonate around the world through their TEDx Talk, which now has in excess of 1.8 million views:

• Habit #1 – BE CURIOUS, not critical is about developing our self-awareness (and other-awareness!) through understanding fundamental differences, giving each other “space and grace” to shine in our own strengths and overcome the frustration of unmet expectations.
• Habit #2 – BE CAREFUL, not crushing is about building strong skills in managing conflict, learning to treat each other well no matter how heated the argument, and working towards genuine resolutions so that relationships are strengthened not damaged through conflict.
• Habit #3 – ASK, don’t assume is about learning to build mutual trust and respect in relationships by clarifying values and having courageous conversations about things that really matter to us when necessary, overcoming the hurdles of mistrust and distance that can creep into relationships.
• Habit #4 – CONNECT, before you correct is about learning to build great rapport, warmth and connection in relationships by consistently communicating appreciation and love in meaningful ways, and to overcome the hurdle of feeling unvalued because of poor communication.

Together The 4 Habits provide the practical “how to” for building Emotional Intelligence in general, and Relational Intelligence in particular.

When we are each equipped with the skills to do relationships well, we turn up as better versions of ourselves. Our marriages and partnerships are strengthened, our children flourish, our organisations and communities thrive, and our nations grow in health.

We can and we must all become intentional about learning to do relationships well, as if our lives depended on it. Because, in reality, they do.