Reconcilable Differences

Andrew Christensen, PhD, is Professor of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. His research, sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health, examines the effects of couple therapy. He has published widely on couple conflict and therapy. Neil S. Jacobson, PhD, was Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington until his death in 1999. The author or editor of numerous publications, Dr. Jacobson was one of the world's most widely cited family therapists.

Three Sides to Every Story. Part I: The Anatomy of an Argument. "You're Wrong!": Relationship Problems as Faults. "How Can You Be That Way?": Relationship Problems as Incompatibilities. "Can I Give to You without Losing Me?": Incompatibilities over Love and Power. "I Do but I Don't": Confusing Incompatibilities. "You Know How to Hurt Me": Relationship Problems as Vulnerabilities. A Cure Worse Than the Disease: Relationship Problems as Solutions. Part II: From Argument to Acceptance. The Delicate Balance: Acceptance and Change. A Story of Our Own: Acceptance through Understanding. Walking in Your Partner's Shoes: Acceptance through Compassion. Getting Some Perspective on the Conflict: Acceptance through Tolerant Distance. Part III: Deliberate Change through Acceptance. The Dilemmas of Deliberate Change. How Good Advice Can Be Bad for Your Relationship: Accepting the Foibles of Rules. Why a New Approach Can Lead to the Same Old Thing: Using Your Own Story to Make Genuine Change. Lost Battles Can Win the War: How Change and Intimacy Can Emerge from Defeat. Part IV: When Acceptance Is Not Enough. "Don't Do That to Me!". Call in the Professionals. Appendix: Internet Resources.