Seeing Through the Grief

Rosemary K.M. Sword is codeveloper of Time Perspective Therapy and lead/coauthor of numerous TPT-related books and articles as well as a popular PsychologyToday.com blog. She lives in Kula, Hawaii. Stanford University professor emeritus Philip G. Zimbardo is known for his landmark prison study, dramatized in the IFC film The Stanford Prison Experiment. His nonprofit Heroic Imagination Project teaches how to meet challenges with wise and effective action. He lives in San Francisco.

Table of Contents


Acknowledgments

Introduction

One. Grief, Loss, and Time Perspective Therapy

The Difference Between Grief, Mourning, and Loss 8 delete• deleteThe Difference Between Loneliness and Being Alone 10 delete• deleteBut What Is Grief? 10 delete• deleteWhat Is “Normal” or “Common” Grief? 11 delete• deleteHow Long Will I Mourn? 12 delete• deleteMany Kinds of Grief 12 delete• deleteIs Depression a Part of Grief? 15 delete• deleteIs Anxiety a Part of Grief? 17 delete• deleteIs Stress a Part of Grief? 19 delete• deleteReligions and Spiritual Practices: How We Mourn—Part 1 20 delete• deleteThe Elephant in the Room 22 delete• deleteThe Unkindest Things to Say to a Mourner 23 delete• deleteWhat If I Need Help? 27 delete• deleteTake This Quiz 28 delete• deleteZimbardo Time Perspective Inventory (ZTPI) Short Form 29 delete• deleteFive Main Time Perspectives in Time Perspective Therapy 31 delete• deleteA Balanced Time Perspective Leads to Greater Stability 31 delete• deletePositive Effects 32 delete• deleteTo Sum Up 33

Two. The Past

The Genesis of Dying and Grief Research 38 delete• deleteRick and Rose: How We Found Out Rick Was Dying 39 delete• delete­­Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief 40 delete• deleteNew Research 42 delete• deleteBias Toward the Past 43 delete• deleteReligions and Spiritual Practices: How We Mourn—Part 2 44 delete• deleteSimilarities Between Grief and Post-traumatic Stress 46 delete• deleteChanging Past Negatives into Past Positives 51 delete• deleteNoelle 52 delete• deleteNoelle’s Journey from Past Negative to Past Positive 56 delete• deleteLet’s Get Started 58 delete• deleteBuilding Your Treasure Chest of Past Positive Memories 58 delete• deleteTake a Breath 59 delete• deleteGood Memories 60 delete• deleteA Good Night’s Sleep 61 delete• deleteTo Sum Up 66

Three. The Present

Caregivers 72 delete• deleteCaregiver Stress 73 delete• deleteRick and Rose: Circle of Support 74 delete• deleteHelp for Caregiver Stress 76 delete• deleteHospice Care 78 delete• deleteRick and Rose: Everything Everywhere All at Once 79 delete• deleteThe Vultures in the Room 81 delete• deleteCrash Course in Narcissistic Personality Symptoms 82 delete• deleteReligions and Spiritual Practices: How We Mourn—Part 3 83 delete• deleteParents, Children, Narcissists 85 delete• deleteThe Importance of Wills 87 delete• deleteRick and Rose: The End of Physicality 88 delete• deleteBias Toward the Present 90 delete• deleteTemporary Present Fatalism 91 delete• deleteNoelle’s Journey from Present Fatalism to Present Hedonism 94 delete• deleteLet’s Get Started 95 delete• deleteBe Kind to Yourself 96 delete• deleteBe Here Now 99 delete• deleteReconnect 100 delete• deleteFlip the Switch and Then Go Random 101 delete• deleteTo Sum Up 102

Four. The Future

The Importance of Nature 108 delete• deleteMusic and Grief 110 delete• deleteRose: Facing the Future 112 delete• deleteWhen Life Feels Out of Control 115 delete• deleteReligions and Spiritual Practices: How We Mourn—Part 4 117 delete• deleteMaking Things Right 121 delete• deleteHo’oponopono 122 delete• deleteBias Toward the Future 124 delete• deleteNoelle’s Journey into Her Brighter Future 126 delete• deleteLet’s Get Started 128 delete• deleteOur Brighter—and Different—Future 129 delete• deleteSetting Goals 131 delete• deleteLooking Forward 132 delete• deleteA Good Night’s Sleep Revisited 134 delete• deleteLiving a Life of Happiness and Meaning 136 delete• deleteTo Sum Up 141

Epilogue

Glossary

Appendix I. ZTPI Questionnaire (Long Form)

Appendix II. Core Values

Appendix III. Character Strengths

Resources

Index