WHO THE HELL AM I, ANYWAY?

If you’d asked me only five years ago if I believed in psychics, I would’ve said something like, “Well, I think some people have a gift, but most of them are fake!” I’d never been to a psychic, a Tarot reader, a fortune teller, or an astrologer. I definitely didn’t believe in phone psychics or the daily horoscopes in the paper.

So, what happened? Well, it all started when my husband gave me an Amazon Echo for Christmas, 2016. (I had started receiving number signs about a year prior but made no connection).

I wondered what to do with this device. Other than listening to music, I assumed it must perform some other tasks. Ok, it can tell me the weather, but so can the TV and my phone. Then, by chance, I saw an advertisement for Audible.com on the Internet, and it hit me! The Echo could read me audio books! Now we’re talkin’!

So, Audible offered a free trial and you got a free book – which you could return if you didn’t like it, so no pressure! I began sifting through all the available books. This was no easy task as I’d been reading nothing but non-fiction related to dog training and nutrition and scent detection for years! At that moment I wondered how I’d become such a boring person! As I continued searching there was one book that just kept showing up – as if it was haunting me! I kept dismissing it as I had no interest in the subject at all. But it persisted. Then, finally, I thought why not buy the stupid thing. I can listen for a few minutes and then return it, so it would leave me alone. That, my friends, is where it all started. The book was The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein.

As planned, I started listening to it that evening as I prepared the dogs’ dinner. I was busy so I let it continue playing even though I was thinking how stupid it was the entire time. Then, there was something she said that stopped me cold. I wish I could remember what it was, but honestly, it probably wouldn’t faze me now so even if I listened to it again I don’t think I’d find it. Whatever she said made me stop and take notice. I stopped the book and told myself that I’d start it over that night when I could give it my full attention. That’s exactly what I did. In fact, I listened to that book in its entirety, three times! Suddenly, a whole new world was opening up for me. I was hooked. It was bringing out thoughts and feelings I hadn’t experienced since childhood.

So, what came next was a mad reading frenzy! In my quest to not drain my bank account, I decided to start with books that I could find at the local public library. So I started with Angels 101 by Doreen Virtue, which I devoured in a couple days. Next was The Angel Therapy Handbook by the same author. As luck would have it, I had a snow day that enabled me to work through most of the book. I worked through each exercise, not having a clue what I was doing. I always thought that mediation was something that only some people could do. And even if I could do it, I thought it would be such a huge waste of time. After all, I was a book-reader, a studier, a learner. As far back as I can remember, I’ve been a bibliophile. My family still jokes about the danger of giving me a book at a Christmas gathering or at my birthday party because I will get lost in it immediately and tune everyone out. I can’t resist reading. There is so much to learn and we’re on this planet for such a short time. How, on earth, can I possibly fit it all in? I couldn’t imagine wasting my precious free time sitting cross-legged on the floor with my eyes closed! But I was being sucked-into this new world like a dog hair under a vacuum!

Then, one night, I was reading the mediumship chapter in one of Doreen’s books where it asked you to close your eyes and try to sense a deceased loved-one and feel where they are in relation to your body. I did so and focused on my Mom. I first imagined she was at my right side and we were walking arm in arm. But suddenly, my left arm raised and I physically felt her at my left side just above my shoulder. It was an eerie feeling for me. I opened my eyes and turned the page to a diagram that shows where your mother appears and low and behold, it was on your left side just above your shoulder! I was petrified that I’d crossed some evil line and was entering a forbidden world. I threw down the book and vowed to forget all this ridiculousness. I planned to return the book to the library in the morning and get back to my “normal” life. That night, I awakened as usual to use the bathroom (if you’re young – just wait – you’ll get there too!) and something made me look at my digital watch. It was 4:44:44! Still groggy, I wondered what the odds were of looking at my watch at that exact second. And suddenly my eyes opened wide and I remembered reading about the Angel number 444. I told myself that I’d look it up again before I returned the book in the morning. Then, I returned to bed.

Morning came and all was forgotten. My dogs were anxious for their morning run through the fields of a friends farm that I drove to every morning. As far as I was concerned, life was about to return to normal. I grabbed the book on the way out the door so I could drop it off at the library on my way home. But, of course, it didn’t happen that way. On the way to the library, the book sat next to me in the passenger seat. I was lost in thought about dog training and the day ahead when I realized that the car in front of me was sitting at the stop sign for an unusually long time. I looked up and saw that the car was a restored 1970s model that looked like it just rolled off the assembly line. In it sat two small white-haired women, close together on the big bench seat, their heads barely clearing the seat’s back. I was debating tapping the horn to wake them up when I happened to notice their license plate. I have head to toe chills right now as I recount that moment. It said Angel444. Ok, here come the tears. I can’t even recount that moment without being overcome by awe at the magic of it all! Needless to say, the book returned home with me and I finished it that night. I’d outgrown the library at this point and started searching online, though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was searching for. I found Hay House and bought several books by Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, and Sonia Choquette. I now had both feet in the pool! But, being the hard-sell that I am, I once again began to think it was all my imagination and tried to walk away from it and return to my non-believing life full of logic and facts. Enter: The Crows.

I’ve always been a nature-lover and have three bird feeding stations on my property so when I awakened one morning to a yard full of crows I thought it was odd but certainly not impossible. They were everywhere – all over the grass, in the trees, on the shed and the house. They were so loud! I didn’t think too much about it and went about my day. As I left the house a couple crows swooped down at me, making me duck. What was their problem? I wished they’d move on. Throughout the day I was asking people if they’d noticed all the crows and no one seemed to know what I was referring to. It continued day after day. They were flying alongside my van as I drove and swooping down at me as I entered the post office. My sister and I attended a dog training conference in Connecticut and they followed me there too. After the conference, we decided to head up to the Beach house on Cape Cod for a few days and, you guessed it, the crows followed. The first morning there, I sat on the couch sipping my tea and watching the crows in the trees outside the window when my sister awakened and came out to say, “What’s with all these crows? We never have crows here!” Their squawking had awakened her. I told her they were with me and began to tell her my story. I believe she said something like, “You always were a little odd,” and we laughed and got on with our day though I intended to research this phenomenon when I got home. The following week, I was talking to a client in my grooming shop and she told me about a group mediumship reading at the New Age shop in town. I had to go! I sat in that seat like a child waiting for Santa to come through the door. I could’ve exploded. I was so excited. His name was Matt Kamont, the Lehigh Valley Medium, and he was amazing! After the session, we spoke and I asked him about the crows. Finally! Someone understood! He said the same thing happened to him when he discovered that he was a medium but had no intention of using his gift. “The crows were relentless,” he said. He told me they’d leave me alone as soon as I committed to pursuing my own gifts. He was correct. There was no turning back now. I was in the club. Meditation became a daily practice.

Suddenly, I was remembering things about myself that had been long forgotten. As a young child I was a mystic. My mother was always waving her hand in front of my face as I sat glassy-eyed, performing a thousand mile stare. She named it “fog island.” I seemed to know that there was a spirit world coinciding with our own and I felt an overwhelming need to connect with it. I was a lucid dreamer and growing up above a funeral home (my father was an undertaker), I always felt that spirit was trying to connect with me too. I truly wanted to know why we were here – What was our purpose?

I remember sneaking into the Catholic Church across from our home because I felt Spirit was there. My Presbyterian parents were less than thrilled – especially when the priest called my father to ask him to keep me away from mass because I was receiving communion (which non-Catholics are forbidden to do)! The...