Wrestlecrap (eBook)

Stand Back! That Egg Is Ready to Blow! _________________________ It was Thanksgiving Night, and fans were pouring into the Hartford Civic Arena. Some had driven for hours, trading turkey dinner with Grandma for some slop at a roadside greasy spoon, just to be there. After all, they had been waiting for months for this one. There was no way they would pass up this opportunity. The event was Survivor Series, one of the four biggest shows the World Wrestling Federation would present all year. There were fans of the immortal Hulk Hogan, longing to see their hero tangle with the vile Earthquake. Others came to watch Jake Roberts get his hands on 'The Model' Rick Martel, who had blinded Jake weeks earlier. And then there were those who came solely to witness the Ultimate Warrior run down the aisle and obliterate every opponent in sight. While each fan had his or her own favorite wrestler, everyone was excited about one thing. Tonight was the night, finally, that they would get to see what was inside that egg. Yes, the egg. But this wasn't just any old giant egg. This was a mysterious giant egg. For months the WWF had carted the egg around to every arena it visited, and announcers had hyped that it would hatch on Thanksgiving Night. No one in the audience knew what significance the egg actually had After all, what the heck did an egg have to do with pro wrestling? Whatever it was, it must have been important, or the WWF wouldn't have spent so much time hyping it. What could be inside that giant egg? While the promotion was keeping its lips sealed, fans had their own ideas. Maybe it would be a new wrestler making his debut. Perhaps a bodybuilder, signifying the launch of the WWF's new sister company, the World Bodybuilding Federation. Could it be a celebrity of some sort? After all, the promotion had used everyone from Liberace to Bob Decker to drum up attention in the past. Whatever it was, there were only two ways those fans would be able to find out: be there live and in person, or cough up the $24.95 to watch it on cable. Over 10,000 fans showed up in Hartford on that fateful evening, with hundreds of thousands more watching from the comfort of their own homes. Throughout the night, various shots of the egg were shown as the matches took place. Speculation was running rampant. What the hell could it be? Finally, the moment of truth arrived. Announcers Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper handed the telecast over to 'Mean Gene' Okerlund, who was eggside. 'This cracks me up,' Okerlund lamely joked, as he hyped one last time what might be inside the egg. Could it be a dinosaur? Balloons? Maybe the Playmate of the Month? Finally, the moment everyone had waited for had arrived. 'Stand back! Stand back! That egg is ready to blow!' Out from the egg it came! It was . . . it was . . . a turkey? A guy dressed up as a turkey? Fans sat in stunned silence as Okerlund continued a hype job worthy of P.T. Barnum. 'Take a look at him, ladies and gentlemen! He's got feathers, a beak, and a little rooster tail up on top! Look at the feet on this thing!' The bird hopped down to Okerlund. It spoke: 'Gobbledy gobbledy!!' Okerlund looked amazed. 'What's with the gobbledy?' 'Gobbledy gobbledy?' Okerlund asked. 'Don't tell me you're the Gobbledy Cooker!' 'Gobbledy gobbledy!' it replied. The feathered man nodded excitedly, his Wiffle ball eyes nearly falling off his costumed head. Suddenly, a rock & roll version of 'Turkey in the Straw' began to blareover the loudspeakers.