My Journey to Mental Health Defined by Character and Accountability (eBook)

Chapter 1:
A Journey Through Adversity

I was born in Savannah, Georgia, on March 17, 1970. Raised by a single mother, Ms. Charles Ann Samuels, I was the youngest of six children. My siblings—Melvin, Eric, Theron, Deron, and Charlene—all shared the same dad. Despite my mother’s first marriage not working out, she met my dad later in life, and I was the product of their relationship. My mother decided to give me Samuels as my last name, which was the name of her first husband. I chose to keep Samuels because it symbolized my family unit, and I didn’t want to feel ostracized. This experience, filled with formidable challenges, was a testament to my mother’s indomitable strength and the importance of staying connected to my roots. It was through these early trials that I began to forge the resilience and character that would serve as my guiding light on my journey to mental health, inspiring me never to surrender. My mother’s unwavering commitment to her family, tireless work ethic, and steadfast dedication were the bedrock of my resilience, perseverance, and familial love. Her profound influence shaped my understanding of love, strength, and resilience. I believe we can all relate to this journey of self-discovery and personal growth, and I hope it resonates with you.

My mother raised us with the assistance of my grandmother, Lessie Green. My siblings and I spent summers with our grandmother as a child. The area that we lived in was coarse, and my mother was concerned that we would get into trouble. We lived in a three-bedroom home called Fred Wessells Project. Despite the modest living conditions, I built some solid friendships there. We did not have a lot of worldly things, but my mother always did a solid job of providing for her family. She was a maid for several reputable people in society, including Jay and Karen Hughes, who ran the corporate office for Budweiser Beer, and Dr. Daniel Deloach, the chief of staff at Memorial Medical Center in Savannah, Georgia. We did not live a lavish lifestyle. It was this perseverance that led me to face and overcome severe anxiety during my time at Georgia State University, a period that tested my mental strength and resilience. The experience was challenging, but it also served as a turning point in my mental health journey, pushing me to confront and overcome my fears.

My mother was motivated to be a great provider, but her health was a cause for concern. She has taken quite a few medications to address her high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. She never allowed her health concerns to prevent her from working long hours daily. She was not excited about driving, so she never learned how to drive and took public transportation daily. It drove me crazy that my mother was never interested in learning how to drive or owning a car. Some of my relatives, like my Uncle Joe and cousin Bubba, drove us to church on Sunday or the grocery store to keep our refrigerator and freezer stocked with food.

Not having her transportation made it extremely difficult for my mother to care for specific things. She had to make special arrangements to pay her bills, take her children to buy school clothes, and bring us to medical and dental appointments. As I stated earlier, we received much support from family and friends. However, my mother did have a few months of the year when taking care of her business was challenging if family and friends were busy doing other things. My mother was such a hard worker, and I do not recall her missing many days from work. She often went to work when she felt ill because we could not afford to fall behind on any bills. I don’t know how she kept up with everything while primarily relying on public transportation. She was a proud woman who did not like to ask other people for help.

Sometimes, I felt discouraged because we lacked certain things that were seen as necessary to live a productive life. My mother never complained and always found several reasons to be grateful for our plight in life. She was a God-fearing woman whose faith carried her through difficult times. She heard the whispers of various family members about her being a single parent and being forced to work such long hours to take care of her family. She ignored those whispers and focused on taking care of her children. My mother never made it past the ninth grade in high school. Therefore, she wanted all of her children to obtain a quality education.

We did not always have the money to enjoy the holidays or purchase expensive clothes and shoes. However, our mother ensured we had a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our backs. I do not remember our lights being turned off or any threats of being evicted from our home. My grandmother and Aunt Sister sometimes chipped in to help us purchase necessities like space heaters and additional food if we did not have enough supplies. These things did not happen regularly, but maybe one to two months a year, we did need assistance from close relatives. My mother was a proud and private woman and did not share her problems with everyone. She routinely spoke only to the relatives closest to her. My mother was uneducated, so our circumstances would not change overnight.

My oldest brother, Melvin, spent several years in the Army and got married. He then moved his wife and daughter to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Eric, the second oldest child, was consumed with various women and engaged in sexual escapades. Eric produced several children out of wedlock and appeared determined to live according to his rules. Eric was highly gifted academically and as a multisport star. He performed at a high level in football and basketball. He never had difficulty getting and keeping a job but was never faithful to the women he dated. Remember, all of my siblings had the same dad. He abruptly left our mother in a tight predicament. He never sent child support to take care of his five offspring. The depiction of Leroy Samuels, the father of my siblings, was not great within my family. He was deemed to be lazy and selfish. Also, my siblings appeared to display animosity toward our mother for various reasons I could never understand.

My other three siblings appeared to be angry with our mother as well. Theron and Deron were twins who experienced severe medical problems at birth. In addition, they struggled academically in school. Deron was detached from our family and picked up a horrific drug problem that he could not shake. Theron attempted to attend college several times but failed to earn a degree. My sister Charlene was bright academically and gifted at multiple sports. She excelled in basketball and softball. She was also a high-achieving student in high school. Unfortunately, she often appeared to be angry at the world. I had an extremely close relationship with her growing up. We did everything together, from watching television to sports. We spent long hours every day talking about life. Once we became adults, we lost contact with each other. Additionally, my siblings appeared to resent me because I had a different father. This development seemed to cause constant conflict in our relationships and made it difficult to connect emotionally.

My childhood had a profound impact on me. I appreciate the sacrifices that my mother made for us every day. I do not take that for granted, and I recognize how fortunate we were to be raised by such a fantastic woman. She was and still is my hero. I learned so much from watching her wake up in the morning, go to work, and provide her children with unconditional love. My mother never held anything back and displayed her best version daily. Her faith carried her through life when she believed things were falling apart. She never quit or gave up on the things that mattered to her. She valued her children and was constantly focused on providing us with the best future possible. I do not believe her children and family ever gave her the credit she deserved. She was a fantastic woman, and I deeply miss her.

My mother believed that church was fundamental. I was fortunate to spend my youth attending church at the Savannah Baptist Center. Pastor John Beam is the most incredible man that I have ever known. He was a white man who decided to serve the Black community. He drove his red, white, and blue bus through Fred Wessels every Sunday morning and picked up the parents and their children. He provided food, shelter, and transportation to anyone in need. My mother trusted him and his family. My bible study teacher, Mrs. Pat, drove my mother and me to Charles Holmes Herty Elementary School to enroll me in the first grade. Pastor Beam loved everyone and spent additional time educating my friends and me about life. He discussed race relations and character, responsibility, and maturity. We attended church and weekly bible study on Monday at 8 p.m. This man took us camping at Six Flags amusement park and taught us about arts and crafts. We also participated in the church league basketball program. He profoundly changed my life forever.

Pastor Beam introduced us to his wife and children. His son’s name was Johnny Beam. He was a lawyer and worked on cases in Savannah. He later became a judge in the juvenile court in Savannah. He also taught classes at Armstrong Atlantic University. Johnny spent many hours helping his dad around the church. He also connected with many children who attended church at the Savannah Baptist Center. He connected with me in so many ways. He talked to me about college and my future. He validated my choices and encouraged me to pursue my dreams. I developed a well-versed support system by attending church and...