Fanny (NHB Modern Plays) (eBook)

PART ONE

Pre-set: as the audience is seated, there are the sounds of an orchestra tuning up.

Music: ‘Mass in B Minor, BWV 323: Cum Sancto Spiritu (Chorus)’, J. S. Bach.1

FANNY MENDELSSOHN BARTHOLDY is centre-stage, wielding her baton, conducting an orchestra in her head. She waves the orchestra to an immediate silence around bar 30.

FANNY. Just the altos. Bars 21–25.

They sing. She stops them.

More diaphragm if you can please. Again.

They sing. She stops them.

Try imagining that you’ve just been told a joke. No ‘H’ obviously. Thank you.

They sing. She shouts over them:

A funny joke! Funnier! Even funnier! Stop, stop…

She stops them.

Listen to the basses. Same bars, just the basses.

They sing – almost in the style of the Laughing Policeman. She stops them.

You see? Got that? Thank you. Let’s go back to the top please, everybody.

She counts them in. She stops them in bar 3.

Tromba One, bar 1.

They play (one note).

Again.

They play it again.

Yes… you’re coming off the back of the previous movement. It’s conclusive, not provocative, please. Again.

They play it again.

With me, previous bar – Oom bah-diddle-um-bum-bum-bum-BAH

They play it again – a bit softer.

Lightly. Land it but lightly. Again.

They play it again – a bit slower.

Try again.

They play it again – it squeaks.

Oops. Again.

They play it again.

Better. From the top.

FANNY counts them in. The orchestra plays.

Tromba One plays exactly as they did before. FANNY shakes her head. An echoey voice shouts…

VOICE (off ). Fanny? Fanny!

FANNY looks around as she conducts – where’s the voice coming from?

Fanny!

The orchestra gets louder and louder. FANNY shouts over them…

FANNY. Who’s trying to get my attention? Is it you, woodwind?

FELIX. Fanny!

SNAP! Silence. We are suddenly in the Mendelssohn family home. FELIX MENDELSSOHN BARTHOLDY, the younger brother of FANNY, is seated at a grand piano. FANNY looks at him as if she’s come out of a reverie.

Fanny!

FANNY. What?

FELIX. You weren’t listening!

FANNY. Yes I was.

FELIX. You were in your head again! Was it Wagner?

FANNY. No!

FELIX. Was it Liszt?

FANNY. No, it was Bach – because you’re off to the Sing-Akademie I suppose. Though if you’re late, brother, they may give the directorship to someone else.2

FELIX. Who?

FANNY. I don’t know. Grell?

FELIX. A blockhead.3

FANNY. Rungenhagen.

FELIX. I will die if they give it to Rungenhagen!

FANNY. He was the former director’s assistant.

FELIX. In London I overheard people saying that they think I’m better than Mozart. Mozart! Did you hear me? They said I’m better than Mozart. You say it. Say I’m better than Mozart.

FANNY. I think you’re better than most are, brother.

FELIX. What?

FANNY. You’re better than most are.

FELIX. I’ve told you the Queen of England likes my work?4

FANNY. Once or twice! Look, you are not the only one with important things to do today. Either play or leave me to go and tie a ribbon in my hair.

FELIX. This is for the wedding of Oberon and Titania.

FELIX plays a simplified version of…

Music: A Midsummer Night’s Dream, ‘Incidental Music, Op. 61, MWV M:13 No. 9 Wedding March’ Mendelssohn.5

FANNY stops him.

FANNY. Stop, Felix, stop! You’re making me wish I was Beethoven!

FELIX. Deaf?

FANNY. Dead! You want to be better than Mozart? Where’re the inner voicings, the variations, a little modulation, even? You are brilliant, brother, but history will not remember you for having written this!

FELIX. Then fix it!

FANNY. Move over.

FELIX. Is it that bad?

FANNY. Where’s the dissonance? Try the first chord in the relative minor.

FELIX. Really?

FANNY demonstrates – she includes the trumpet intro. As she plays:

FELIX. Trumpets?

FANNY. Trumpets.

As FANNY plays the first chord:

FANNY. You see? More dissonance!6 A wedding march needs to feel like it might be going somewhere.

FELIX. Yes – distract Titania from the truth.

FELIX begins scribbling on the manuscript – talking as he does so.

I wish we were always together.

FANNY. On any other day I might feel the same.

FELIX. Maybe you could travel in my pocket! Then you could see what a strange and eccentric place the world really is, Fanny. And whenever I needed you, you could sit on my shoulder and wave your little magic baton over whatever it is I’m working on.

FANNY. My world is here, brother, within our home – and I happen to like it very much.

FELIX. Well. Good! As it should be! You know, I’m told some women are swimming now, Fanny.

FANNY. Swimming?7

FELIX. In the sea!

FANNY. Well, I’m no femme libre,8 brother! Will you excuse me now, Felix? Please?

FELIX. You’re obsessed with this ribbon!

FANNY. Well… Herr Hensel is coming…

FELIX. Oh God…

FANNY. What?

FELIX. You’re grinning!

FANNY. That’s allowed, isn’t it?

FELIX. He’s entirely unmusical you know!

FANNY. So? Enlightened people consider contrasts and opposites as enriching, brother. As long as he knows a French horn from a French kiss I don’t care.

FELIX. I’m going to be sick.

FANNY. Will you let me go, brother, please?

FELIX. Fine.

PAUL (off ). Fanny!

FANNY. Oh no. Felix, I promised Paul that – can you deal with him –

The door opens and PAUL MENDELSSOHN BARTHOLDY, FANNY’s youngest brother, tries to enter with his cello.9

PAUL. Ah, there you are!

Perhaps PAUL is carrying his cello horizontally and struggles to get it through the door. Eventually, he’s in…

We need wider doors. Fanny –

FANNY. You’ll have to talk to Felix. I want to tie a ribbon in my hair.

PAUL. He’ll be lucky to have you – even sans ribbon.

FANNY. The ribbon is for me, not Herr Hensel.

FELIX. And, we’re working, Paul.

PAUL. I know – and can I just say, and this goes without saying, but I am, it looks like, going to say it anyway, that the addition of an F-sharp to that first chord was inspired, Fanny.

FANNY. You were listening at the door?10

PAUL. Well, what else am I to do?! You won’t let me join in! And, can I just say, I think, Felix, it’s one of the most memorable things you’ve ever written.

FELIX. You see! Thank you, Paul, perhaps you do have an ear for music.

PAUL. A good ear?

FELIX. Just an ear.

FANNY. Will you both excuse me?

PAUL. Wait!

FANNY. Paul, I’ve other things to do today.

PAUL. Just listen! Listen to ‘Paul’s Theme’ and give it a number, out of five.

FELIX. Again with the numbers!

PAUL. I like numbers.

FANNY. Then work in a bank!11 You cannot quantify art, Paul.

PAUL. You think I make art?

FANNY. I’m sorry, Paul, but you’ll have to wait until after Herr Hensel’s visit.

PAUL. But, can I just say –

FANNY. No! I will listen to you only after Herr Hensel has gone.

FANNY is about to exit. LEA MENDELSSOHN BARTHOLDY enters.

LEA. Get away from that piano!

FANNY is nowhere near the piano.

FANNY. I’m nowhere near –

LEA. Not today, Fanny! Not today! Come here – show me your fingers. Are you wearing pockets?!

FANNY. No.

LEA. Empty them! Paul!

PAUL is brought over to collect things as FANNY removes them from her pockets.

FANNY. I thought I looked agreeable.

LEA. Did you. Bite your lips. Harder. What do you want a pocketbook for?

FANNY. For writing things down.

LEA. Bite them harder! We read, we don’t write. Felix, fetch an orange.

FANNY. Please no.

LEA. Not no – yes. Now, Felix.

FELIX exits.

FANNY. It stings!

LEA. That’s rather the point. Right – is that everything?

FANNY. Yes.

LEA eyeballs FANNY. FANNY reluctantly pulls a conductor’s baton from her pocket and gives it to PAUL.

LEA. Get rid of it all.

PAUL. Yes, Mother.

LEA. Now show me your fingers. Okay…

From behind LEA, PAUL indicates to FANNY where he’s putting the baton.

Turn them over. What’s that?

FANNY isn’t really concentrating on her mother.

FANNY. I don’t know. A thumb?