The House Party (NHB Modern Plays) (eBook)

ACT ONE

1.

A large three-storey town house with the front facade removed. The place is extravagantly decorated, the epitome of modern aspirational wealth. Inside a large digital clock reads 20:08.

On the middle floor, the kitchen is lit up. Inside we can make out the image of two women, CHRISTINE, seventeen, and JULIE, eighteen. They’re getting ready for a party, putting on make-up – but something feels wrong and disturbed about their actions. They move in slow motion, as if underwater. Something’s not right.

The sound of water mixes with music; this continues, getting louder and more ominous until…

Lights snap up. CHRISTINE is laughing in mock outrage. JULIE drinks throughout.

CHRISTINE. I can’t believe you didn’t tell him!

JULIE. I can.

CHRISTINE. He’s gonna go mental.

JULIE. He’ll be fine!

CHRISTINE. I think he might kill you.

JULIE. He can’t kill me, it’s illegal to kill people.

And anyway, there’ll be too many witnesses.

CHRISTINE. How many people are coming?

JULIE. Not that many. A hundred?

CHRISTINE. A hundred?

JULIE. It’s not that many.

CHRISTINE. It’s a hundred people…

JULIE. It’s my house.

CHRISTINE. I mean, technically, he owns it…

JULIE. Property is theft, Christine.

CHRISTINE. I don’t think that works, in this context but…

About the wine.

JULIE. Do you want some more?

CHRISTINE. I’m still going.

JULIE fills her glass up.

What did he say?

JULIE. I don’t know, just some shit about having to work, emergency board meeting blah blah.

CHRISTINE. Bullshit.

JULIE. Exactly. He’s gone to have sex with his girlfriend.

CHRISTINE. Gross.

JULIE. ‘Sky’.

CHRISTINE. Ugh.

JULIE. As if that’s even her real name.

CHRISTINE. I bet she made it up.

JULIE. She definitely made it up.

It’s so embarrassing.

JULIE checks herself in the mirror.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve decided to disown him.

CHRISTINE. I’m not sure you can technically do / that –

JULIE. You can. I googled it.

All you have to do is be like ‘I disown you’ and then they’re no longer your father.

CHRISTINE. I know, but like, biologically…

JULIE. Parents are a social construct.

CHRISTINE. That’s not true.

JULIE. Many cultures don’t even have parents.

CHRISTINE. Oh my God, who have you been following?

JULIE. It doesn’t matter. The point is that I don’t think you deserve to call someone your daughter, specifically me, call me, your daughter, if you cancel plans to have dinner, on my eighteenth birthday, so you can go and have sex with a twenty-four-year-old.

CHRISTINE. It’s so gross.

JULIE. I know. He’s a paedophile.

CHRISTINE thinks…

CHRISTINE. I mean, he’s not a paedophile…

JULIE. He is basically a paedophile.

CHRISTINE. I’m not sure you can call your dad a / paedophile, when he’s not a paedophile.

JULIE. He’s no longer my dad. And yes I can.

CHRISTINE. You’re talking shit.

JULIE. I’m talking truth to power.

CHRISTINE. That’s like a totally different thing.

JULIE. You’re always correcting me…

CHRISTINE. You’ll get him arrested.

JULIE. Well maybe he should be?

It is basically incest.

CHRISTINE. Okay, it’s not incest.

JULIE. It is incest.

CHRISTINE. Technically, like, no. She’s not his daughter /

JULIE. But she could be /

CHRISTINE. But she’s not /

JULIE. But she could be /

CHRISTINE. But she’s not /

JULIE. I don’t see the difference.

CHRISTINE. The difference is, she’s not.

JULIE. I kind of feel like you’re taking his side.

CHRISTINE. I’m not taking his side, I’m just saying it’s not incest, it’s not incest because she’s not his daughter. / You have to be biologically related to someone to make having sex with them incest, and why are we even talking about this it’s so gross, it’s freaking me out and –

JULIE. But she could be, she could technically be, he could’ve had her when he was like twenty-five, and that’s not too young to have a child, many people have children when they’re twenty-five, or even younger, so –

CHRISTINE. Julie!

Beat.

JULIE smiles.

JULIE. What?

CHRISTINE. You know what.

CHRISTINE smiles back at her.

JULIE. Pass me that bottle.

CHRISTINE gives her a bottle of wine from the counter next to her. JULIE takes it.

You know you look amazing?

CHRISTINE. Be quiet.

JULIE. You do. Where is this dress from?

CHRISTINE. Oh. It’s just an old one.

JULIE. It looks amazing.

CHRISTINE. Shut up.

JULIE. It does, you look so fit.

CHRISTINE. No I don’t.

JULIE. I want to take a picture of you /

CHRISTINE. Okay.

CHRISTINE prepares herself.

JULIE. Okay. Camera is coming out…

CHRISTINE continues to prepare herself. She fixes her hair.

Okay go!

Suddenly CHRISTINE springs into a pose. JULIE takes a picture. It’s a well-rehearsed routine, performed at double speed.

And another.

CHRISTINE changes pose. JULIE takes another.

One more.

CHRISTINE changes again. JULIE takes another.

Okay now together.

They both pose. JULIE takes a series of selfies. They happen in quick succession. They’ve done this a million times before.

And again.

She takes another. The same thing.

One more.

They do another pose, but this time JULIE puts her head against CHRISTINE’s. She takes the photo, then stays close to her for a bit longer.

CHRISTINE. You okay?

JULIE. Yeah. Just. Glad you’re here.

JULIE pulls away. She takes a drink from her glass, she picks up her phone and walks towards a speaker.

You haven’t drunk your drink?

Beat.

CHRISTINE. I will. Just. Starting slow.

CHRISTINE holds the drink in her hand. She watches JULIE, who looks through music on her phone.

What time are people getting here?

JULIE. I don’t know.

CHRISTINE. When did you say?

JULIE. From eight.

CHRISTINE. It’s ten past?

JULIE. So soon, then.

JULIE sips her drink. Flicks through her phone. CHRISTINE watches her. Summons courage.

CHRISTINE. Julie…

JULIE. Mmm?

But CHRISTINE changes her mind…

CHRISTINE. Ahm… it doesn’t matter.

Beat.

What did you do about Diana in the end?

JULIE. Oh. Nothing. She’s fine. She’s asleep. I put her in one of the bedrooms. Gave her a blanket.

CHRISTINE. You still think she’s pregnant?

JULIE. She is. She definitely is. I looked it up online. That’s why her nipples were so big and like that weird / colour and everything.

CHRISTINE. It’s so gross.

JULIE. It’s fine, anyway. I sorted it.

CHRISTINE. What do you mean?

JULIE. I gave her the morning-after pill.

Beat.

CHRISTINE. What do you mean?

JULIE. It’ll be fine.

CHRISTINE. Julie?

JULIE. What?

CHRISTINE. She’s a dog!

Beat.

JULIE. So?

CHRISTINE. So you can’t just give dogs the morning-after pill.

JULIE. Why not?

CHRISTINE. Because they’re dogs.

JULIE. I still don’t see your point.

CHRISTINE. It’s bad for them.

JULIE. Well, everything is bad for everyone nowadays.

CHRISTINE. I’m being serious.

JULIE. So am I. She was fine. I crushed it up and put it on one of those dog biscuit things. She absolutely loved it.

CHRISTINE. Julie?!

JULIE. She did! Honestly, it was a real treat.

JULIE smiles at CHRISTINE. CHRISTINE can’t help but be charmed by her. JULIE starts to put on make-up.

Anyway. It’s better than having some random mongrel’s pups inside her, isn’t it? Polluting her bloodline.

CHRISTINE. What, cus pugs are so pure?

JULIE. She’s not a pug, I hate it when people call her a pug, she’s a French bulldog, and yes actually she is very pure. She has a certificate.

JULIE continues to put on make-up.

Anyway. It’s probably a Staffie.

CHRISTINE. I like Staffies.