Dirty Secrets (eBook)

The Beginning

It was August 7th, 1999, and my birthday. One would have expected me to be happy but I was the furthest from that mood. I was 13 that day and becoming a teenager didn’t live up to what I expected. Living on a Native American reservation at Saltwater was like being sentenced to life in a state prison. We were absent of the gun tower and warden, but it wasn’t the best thing on earth. I was living in poverty in a crime-stricken area on the rez called the Pit. When you walked through it, you saw, single-wide trailer homes that were worn down and barely standing on the earth beneath them. Graffiti was scattered on different dwellings, telling the story of our life as Native American Indians. That was a sure sign of grief, drugs and gang activity. Alcoholism was the norm here and suicide among kids my age was popular and no different than being a drug dealer for the mafia. It felt more like hell. If only I could be open and tell my family about the pain that I’d endured since the age of nine perhaps my life would change. I often dreamt of becoming rich and famous, to move me and my family away from this hell. It was only that—just a dream. I put my singing ability to the back of my mind because I knew that I would never get the opportunity that people off the rez get to becoming famous. I was tired and getting ready to take my own life. I took the .38 from underneath my leg and I was about to put it to my head when I heard—

“CHEETAH!” I turned to see two of my friends from off the rez, making their way towards me. I was sitting near the Devil’s Belly, which was nothing but open mountain and land. It extended so far out that at night, it looked like you were looking into a black hole out in space. So many people died in this place and many bodies were found unclaimed. Mitch and his brother Novi are black boys who lived on 89th, which was ten minutes away from the reservation. We met by accident. I was getting ready to fight with Novi, when his brother saved him and from that day, we have been cool. They introduced me to the neighborhood off the rez and I introduced them to rez life. “What you doing over here on your birthday?” Novi quizzed with a fixed grin on his face. He was always smiling about something.

“I’m just over here thinking.” I had the gun hidden.

“Man, it’s your birthday and you’re over here by yourself looking at this scary shit?”

“This does look crazy,” Mitch added. He scanned the Devil’s Belly with suspicious eyes. “I wouldn’t want to be caught over here at night.”

“How did yawl find me?”

They pointed to my brother Marcus, who was standing off to the side, talking to a girl. He wasn’t supposed to know that I was here. I tucked the .38 underneath the rock that I was sitting on and asked, “What yawl want?”

“We wanted to come and chill with you since it’s your birthday.”

“Yeah, get yo ass up and come chill with us!” Mitch said. He pulled me up and gave me a tight hug. “Happy Birthday B dog!”

I chuckled, not feeling it but it was cool that they showed up. “Thanks.”

“C’mon Cheetah, they invited us to the block to hang out.” Marcus said after the girl he was talking to walked away. He was always talking to girls and he was having sex and only a year older than me. I hoped nothing happened to the gun that I hid under the rock. It was stolen from my aunt. Nobody knew that I had it.

“What yawl doing on the block?”

“It’s a surprise, I think you’ll be happy. I’m glad that we found out.” Mitch put his arm on my shoulder. I realized that he drove on the rez because when we got to my house, there was a black Audi parked in front of it. “Whose car is this?”

They exploded in laughter. “This is one of Mitch’s G-rides, c’mon.”

Marcus opened the back door pushing me in. He climbed in after me and I looked forward to my mom asking where we were going, but she was probably in the house laid out drunk, as usual. My dad was on the Air Force base, always gone, so my mom drank her life away. Mitch jumped behind the wheel and started the stolen car and he pulled off at top speed.

“Slow down, dog! The tribal police be out here fucking with folks, especially us.” Marcus told him.

He slowed his speed and I was looking at everything that we passed, grateful to be leaving the reservation. It was hot out and the AC was on full blast in the car. I was wondering where Mitch has stolen this car from. They were always stealing. It was a way of life for them. Marcus fired up some weed in the back seat and he took a big hit and passed it to me. “Nah, I’m good.”

“Hit it bro, it’s your burfday—

I snatched it from him and hit it. I was coughing instantly and they thought it was funny. The coughing seemed to be nonstop as we came to a light exiting the reservation. I thought I was going to puke until Marcus passed me some water. “Drink this; it will stop you from coughing.”

I took a big swig of the water and he was right, it helped. I started feeling the euphoric effects and everything was good suddenly. We made it to 89th and it was filled with guys. They were all black and once I saw that, it gave me a sense of comfort because nobody looked at me mean. I felt the welcoming stares as we parked and got out of the car. Guys were going up to Mitch and greeting him with firm handshakes and love. He introduced Marcus and then they introduced me.

“It’s his birthday,” Mitch explained and one of the guys laughed and hugged me.

“Happy Birthday man, I’m Sneaky,” He stuck his hand out. I shook hands with him.

“Happy Birthday,” he said, digging in his pocket. He pulled out a hundred dollars.

“For me?”

“Yeah, dog! Happy Birthday! Here, take it!”

I took it and thanked him with a firm handshake to let him know that I wasn’t just a soft dude. I felt the vibes of the fellas here and it was different because on the rez, they made me feel like an outcast, especially since my dad is black and my mother is 100 percent Native American.

It was a totally different vibe here. Novi came over and put his arm around me. “See, bro, look at the love you’re getting on the block dog. You need to be from my hood. Let me introduce you to the homies. This is Flip … this is Cal, yawl this is Cheetah, he’s from the reservation, him and his brother over there,” Novi pointed to Marcus who was on the other side of the lawn in front of the apartment building with guys his age. They were shooting dice and I was over here with the guys my age.

Sneaky came over and told me, “These dudes are the homies from the Nation. If you wanna be from the nation, all you gotta do is let me know.” He said, “I got your back.”

“Nigga, how you gone make him from the nation, that’s my friend,” Novi said.

“Shut up, dog, he’s old enough to speak for himself, right?” Sneaky said making me laugh.

“Happy Birthday, Cheetah,” Sneaky said. “I’m about to go over here and win some money,” he said, leaving us alone to chill. “Aye, Cheetah, it’s always some fine girls on this block, too. It’s one girl that everybody’s trying to get at but she won’t let nobody hit,” Novi said and his boys laughed. “You talking about Alia?” Cal said.

“Yep! Alia! If you see her don’t talk to her because that’s who I’m trying to link up with.”

“Man, Cheetah she’s FINE! Hella fine, she’s dark skin with long hair and gray eyes. I’ve never seen a girl that fine in my life!”

“Yep and it’s all her hair and her eyes too, nothing on her is fake,” Flip added. He came and whispered to me. “Don’t join this hood; stay solo. We can start a dance crew, no gangs!”

“Why you say that?” I asked him.

“Trust me, I know,” he said. I nodded and stayed quiet while the fellas talked about different things, from females, to money to cars. It was far better than sitting on the rez about to commit suicide. A few moments later, I hear the guys singing happy birthday to me and Mitch walks up with a big cake in his arms. “Awwww shit!” I laughed. I wasn’t expecting this.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CHEETAHHHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUU!” They all cheered and Mitch ran his finger across the whipped cream and wiped it across the tip of my nose. It was funny. “Awww, wow. Thanks.”

“Cut me a piece, dog! I want some cake.”

“Dog, you gotta be from the hood now,” Sneaky said.

“If my brother’s gonna be put on I need to be the one to do it,” Marcus interrupted.

“You’re from the Nation,” I looked at my brother and they all laughed.

“Marcus been from the hood, dog!”

I had no idea that my brother was banging the nation. “Nah, Marcus, you can’t put your brother on. Let him fight, Novi, and if he wins, he can be from the Nation.”

“Aiight, aiight. Bet.”

Novi had his shirt off like he was excited to fight me and little did he know, I have five brothers and they all taught me how to fight from getting my ass kicked by all of them. Not to mention the fights on the rez.

“Whup his ass, Cheetah!” Marcus pointed at me with warning eyes. I knew that I needed to win this fight. Mitch set the cake on top of the car and nobody touched it. I realized that this was already planned for me. Novi and I moved to the middle of the block and everybody was outside watching. We squared up. I wasn’t scared. I remembered what I was taught and I used it on him. When he rushed up, I caught him in the...