After Electra (eBook)

Virgie Would you like the photos?

Haydn Not particularly.

Virgie I’ll burn them.

Haydn That’s a bit extreme.

Virgie There’s nothing sadder than seeing old photos in second-hand shops, gone irreversibly astray. I’m not subjecting Aunt Hilda and Uncle Bill to that. Having them smiling out at nothing.

Haydn So you’re going to immolate them?

Virgie Better than having them sniffed at by strangers. Hilda was always so particular about what she wore.

Haydn You might feel differently in a few months, want their company.

Virgie There’s something spiritual in consigning them to the flames. I saved everything; my feminist postcard collection: it begins when you sink, in his arms it ends with your arms in his sink. Interested?

Haydn Naturally. I really do have room in my life for all sorts of pointless junk.

Virgie I’ll burn that too then.

This is turning out to be marvellously straightforward. What did I think I was saving all this stuff for? Dragging it round for years and years.

How about a dining-room table and four chairs?

Haydn Stop engaging in termination behaviour. It’s tasteless.

Virgie Do you want the car?

Haydn For God’s sake, you’re not dying, are you?

Virgie No.

Haydn Good. Can we get things on a more normal footing. You talk about things that don’t interest me and I pretend to listen.

Then I can pop back on to the M25 feeling I’ve done my duty.

Virgie Visiting me must have been dreadful.

Haydn Not really, I fantasise about the nice glass of cold Chardonnay waiting for me at home.

The bottle chilling in the fridge; gorgeous icy bloom on the green glass.

Virgie What’s that, a breast substitute?

Haydn Well, I do qualify. By the way – happy birthday.

Virgie Thank you.

Look, I don’t think there’s an easy way to tell you this so I’ll just give it to you on the chin.

I’m going to kill myself.

Haydn Well, that really takes the fucking biscuit.

Virgie Yes, sorry.

Haydn What’s brought this on?

Virgie Nothing. I’ve enjoyed my life. I’ve had a good innings. I’ve done everything I wanted to and I’d like to go now before things get any worse. I wasn’t looking forward to the decrepit bit. My eyes aren’t getting any better. My hands – can’t hold a brush. I don’t want to go gaga. It’s my decision. It’s perfectly rational. What I suggest is you accept it and we can get on with having our final day together. The weather’s fabulous. Couldn’t ask for better in September.

Haydn For God’s sake, Mother.

Virgie I want you to stay for the evening. Should be able to let you go by midnight.

The traffic will be better then. I’ve invited a few close friends – those I’ve got left, and I’d like you to help me out –

I need to prepare a lot of salads –

Haydn Will you listen to yourself.

Virgie I actually managed to cut myself the other day, a knife slipped – ‘my thumb instead of an onion’! What a coincidence … so that’s slowed me down considerably –

Haydn If you think I’m going to preside over some ghoulish scene of self-murder you are absolutely mistaken, I won’t do it.

Virgie I’m asking you as a last request and if you say no, Haydn, I’ll never speak to you again till the day I die. It may be a short silence but it will be profound, I guarantee.

Haydn If I stay I shall be doing everything in my power to prevent you.

Virgie I didn’t expect killing myself would be so demanding.

Haydn You’ve only just scratched the surface.

Virgie I’m not doing this thoughtlessly. I googled it. ‘The intentional, sudden and violent nature of the loved one’s death often makes those left behind feel abandoned, helpless and rejected.’ That’s what I’m trying to avoid.

Haydn How are you going to do it? Dying’s messy. Pills get puked up. Jump in front of a train you traumatise the driver. Guns – do you really want other people wiping up your brains? Knives hurt.

Virgie I thought about that. Look.

I suddenly realised it was out there all the time.

You won’t need to bury me. I’m going to be eaten by fish.

I’ve eaten a lot of fish in my lifetime. I’d like to return the favour.

Haydn That’s preposterous.

Virgie I’m not asking you to do anything. I’m just letting you know.

Perhaps you’d like to walk out there with me. Leave me, don’t look back.

It only takes a minute to drown. And living here I’ve often wondered, you know, what it would be like.

Haydn You’re depressed. Have you seen Dr Roberts?

Virgie I got old, Haydn. Get over it.

Have you swallowed a cigarette butt?

You’re not dying, are you? Trust you to steal my fire.

I’ve managed to live through a whole eighty-four years without seeing a panic attack and now on my last day ever! Well, I wouldn’t have missed it. Most people would have cried. But you have an attack. What’s that called?

Haydn Conversion hysteria.

Virgie I didn’t open my present!

How exciting.

That’s lovely. Tai Chi for Beginners. I don’t think I’ll be able to get through it by midnight. I intend to be intensively socialising. Perhaps you could take it back with you?

Whatever.

I’m going to use the last of the lettuce from the garden. It’s sublime.

Isn’t nature wonderful? It’s such a pity we’re destroying it. How do you account for that? People are cunts? Shall we start the salads?

You were always so traditional. Let this be the day you make a departure from the predictable. You might discover a whole new you! I’m your mother and I love you. Trust me.

Haydn You’re threatening suicide in my presence, I don’t think that qualifies as adequate loving care.

Virgie You’re fifty-eight, how long was it supposed to go on – this mother thing? Surely there comes a time when my life is my own to dispose of how I please?

Haydn Why couldn’t you have just got it over quietly then instead of indulging in this display of theatrics?

Virgie Well, I prefer you being angry with me to all that Victorian panting into a bag.

Haydn I haven’t had an attack like that for years.

Virgie I suppose it’s all my fault.

Haydn Frankly yes.

Virgie If you feel so badly...