Classic Fairytales 2 (eBook)

The Golden Goose

The play was commissioned by and first performed at the Library Theatre, Manchester on November 25th, 2006.

CAST

Stephen Finegold

Rebecca Hulbert

Rebecca Smart

William Finkenrath

Andrew Grose

Annie Rowe

Eleanor Howell

Paul Stocker

Stephen Finegold

Rebecca Smart

Annie Rowe

William Finkenrath

Rebecca Hulbert

Andrew Grose

Charles Way

Richard Taylor

Jamie Varten

Nick Ritchings

Georgina Lamb

The play can be performed by a cast of 8.

ACT ONE

Scene One

Bewitching music from the fairy world. Enter the Fairy King and Queen, Humble and Meek. The Fairy King reads from a large book.

Once upon a time, in old Europe in the days when folk and fairy folk lived side by side, there was a castle and in this castle, lived a King. (He turns the page and the King ‘pops up’ for it is a pop-up book.) There he is … and this king had two daughters, Dajona and Birgit.

(He turns the page and up pop the two daughters.) Dajona was the oldest and she was the saddest person whoever breathed. She was so sad she refused to laugh. She would not laugh, she could not laugh so one day her father sent out a proclamation –

‘The man who makes my daughter laugh will be free to ask for her hand in marriage.’

What? What –?

You’ve started at the wrong place.

I have not.

That’s Chapter Two.

No, no – this is Chapter One.

No, my sweet – it’s Chapter Two.

What?

The princess who wouldn’t laugh – Chapter Two. (He looks and realises his mistake and shuts the book snappily. The magical music is repeated.)

Once upon a time, in old Europe

In the days when folk and fairy folk

Lived side by side

There was a poor cottage.

Ah … I know it well, husband. We have turned the milk sour there many times this past year.

It is a humble dwelling.

As you can see. With rough furniture.

In this poor cottage lived two young men with their mother. Dummling and Boris.

(He turns the page and up they pop.)

It was so very far into the woods that the King’s proclamation, which I didn’t mention earlier, never reached the cottage and it is here that the story begins.

At Chapter One. Now all they need, my lord is life.

Together they sprinkle/blow golden dust onto the pop-up scene. Behind them, lights fully rise on the life-size scene.

Where did all this dust come from?

I don’t know, Mother.

As if I didn’t have enough work to do.

It’s all – golden.

Golden? Don’t talk rubbishsense –dust isn’t golden, not round here.

But this is – look – all shiny and golden.

Do shut up, Dummling.

But I’m –

An utterly stupid person without a sensible thought in his head.

That’s not true …

Yes it is.

Is it, Mother?

Well …

Exactly.

We are what we are, Dummling.

And you are stupid.

Boris!

Golden dust we have now.

But it is – was.

Duh.

Stop it! If you keep on at each other, you shall go without supper – the pairboth.

She turns away and Boris pours a cup of water over his own head.

What on earth –?

What now?

Dummling poured water over my head.

I never.

Well, who did then?

You did.

Oh, Dummling, what kind of fool would pour water over his own head?

Just ’cos I told you the truth.

No rain for three months, and here’s you throwing water away as if we had lakes of it to wallow in. Well we don’t. Cleareen it up, now.

But I – it was –

And no supper for you. That’s what you said, Mother.

I know what I said.

Forgive me, Mother. Please don’t be upset.

Upset? A woman with two lads to feed, and no husband to help me through this dreadful drought. When your father were alive the fields were full of food. Now what do we have? Dry bread and mouldy cheese.

(Boris leans forward to take Dummling’s plate.) You leave his plate alone.

But you said--

I know what I said. You are not the master here, Boris.

One of these days I’m going to leave this hovel and go on a big adventure – a really big one – the size of this – table. And I’m going to meet a princess and marry her – and, and, and have lots to eat. What are you smiling at?

I had the very same dream. That one day I would be king.

No you didn’t.

Yes I did.

You’re lying again, just to be like me.

No I’m not.

There’s no country on earth would ever have a king with a face like yours. I’ve seen better looking cowpats.

What, in the mirror?

Oh Dummling, how could you be so spiteful?

Hey?

Because he’s ugly mother – that’s why. It’s damaged his character.

But I’m not ugly – am I?

Well…

Exactly. I’ll be the best looking king this country ever had. And a thousand times better than the one we’ve got now.

Boris!

Our king can’t even feed his own people.

It’s hardly his fault it hasn’t rained. I’ll have no more talk against our king – you’ll have us hanged for treason.

He’d have to hang the whole country – everywhere I go people speak against him.

Well, I don’t. Poor man.

We should rise up brother – and cut off their heads.

Boris! You have no idea what you’re saying.

And then, Mother – you could choose which of your sons would make the better king. Go on, for fun. For the good of the country – me or Dummling?

Oh Boris – you know the answer.

And I’d make a great king an’ all, strong as an ox and free of spots. Unlike you, Dummling.

I haven’t got spots. I haven’t.

(Boris laughs and gives him a mirror.)

Where did they come from?

It doesn’t matter, Dummling.

But why doesn’t Boris have spots?

Because spots don’t choose a handsome face, it’s well known, but of no importance – one day they will just vanish. I promise.

I’ve heard it said that spots only land on the faces of cowards.

Now that’s enough. How can you two prattle on so when we are only one meal away from the grave?

Silence.

One day Mother, there’ll be food again, and plenty of water, and wine too, and you’ll be happy, we’ll all be happy.

Oh yes – and one day folk will walk on the moon.

Maybe they will, one day.

Well, I have had as much of your argument-eering as I can stomach. Boris I have a job for you.

You know how much I hate jobs – and it’s so hot.

I’ll do it, Mother.

No, Dummling. I don’t want you cutting your hand off – like your father...