MEETING 1
Engaging the Father Within

Welcome! Congratulations on making the decision to work toward becoming the best father you can be. This is your first step toward becoming the Amazing Dad you have inside. Your first meeting in the Amazing Dads! program is an introduction to what you can expect throughout your participation in the meetings. There is discussion of the different goals of the program as a whole, and then you will have opportunities to explore your own goals for your time in the program as well as some important questions about what fatherhood means to you. This session is meant to “set the stage” for the rest of the program.

The goals of Meeting 1 are:

1. To discuss the structure of the program.
2. To go over the group agreements and expectations.
3. To explore what fatherhood means to you.
4. To commit to putting in the work to be the father you want to be.

Group Agreements

At the beginning of Meeting 1, your facilitator will explain some group agreements that will be maintained during each of the group meetings. Part of creating an environment of safety and trust in one another comes from each father committing to follow these agreements. The group agreements listed here are the common ones that are recommended, but the ones in your particular group may differ if there are specific requirements that the facilitator needs to follow.

Safety

We agree to create a safe space for everyone. This means physical safety, as well as a feeling of safety where each of us can share his experiences, opinions, and thoughts without fear of being shamed. We agree there will be no physical or verbal abuse. We agree to discuss any concerns for safety with the group facilitator(s).

Attendance & Participation

We agree to attend all meetings. If a conflict keeps us from being able to attend, we agree to contact the facilitator(s) ahead of time. We also commit to choosing to be on time for each meeting. We agree to participate and stretch outside our comfort zone as best we can, even if it is challenging. Also, each of us has a right to decide something is too uncomfortable to share and we agree to respect each dad’s right to decide that for himself. We agree to keep focused on the topics of each meeting. We agree to help each other stay focused, including helping the facilitator(s) stay on topic.

Confidentiality

We agree to keep everything that is said in this group, in this group. We will not discuss the experiences or information shared by other dads outside this group. We are responsible for keeping the confidentiality in the group. We understand any limits to confidentiality on the part of the facilitator(s) will be explained to us as appropriate.

Respect

We agree to respect each other – our time, our experiences, and our challenges. We do not have to agree all the time, but when we disagree, we will do so while respecting the other’s experience. We agree to share the time in this group, showing others respect by allowing each dad opportunities to share and participate. We agree to show respect by being honest when we choose to share as well as when we give feedback to others.

Other (feel free to write any others that your facilitator or group identifies here):

There are times when you may feel uncomfortable, anxious, or frustrated in the group. This happens to everyone at times, especially in unfamiliar settings and with new experiences. Many of us keep these feelings to ourselves as we have not learned how to deal with excitement, anxiety, and feeling uncomfortable in ways that are healthy. Throughout your time in this program, you will learn many different techniques that you can use to help you relax, calm yourself, and feel more grounded. The first two techniques (the ones you learned in Meeting 1) are listed here, and there is also an Appendix at the back of this workbook where all the techniques are housed for your reference later.

Box Breathing

This exercise can help you calm your body and your mind quickly and efficiently:

1. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
2. As you take a few breaths, notice which hand is moving more. Try moving your breath deeper into your lower abdomen, so that your hand on your stomach moves more as you breathe.
3. Close your mouth and press your tongue lightly to the roof of your mouth. Let your jaw relax.
4. Take in a full breath slowly through your nose, counting to four.
5. Hold your breath, counting to four.
6. Exhale all the air through your mouth, counting to four.
7. Rest for a count of four.
8. As thoughts come up, acknowledge them, and then return your focus to your breathing and counting.
9. Go through three more rounds of this breathing on your own, slowly breathing in through your nose for four counts, holding for four counts, breathing out through your mouth for four counts, and resting for four counts.

Deep breathing can be helpful when dealing with feelings of anger, stress, fear, panic, or any other uncomfortable feelings. Plus, it is generally healthier to take controlled, deep breaths versus shallow ones. The more you practice this way of breathing, the more natural it will become for you.

Palms Up, Palms Down

This exercise can help you move aside anything that is weighing on your mind, or even any physical discomfort, in order to allow you to focus your mind on the present.

1. Sit up straight in your seats, with both feet on the floor and your eyes focused on your hands.
2. Hold both your arms outstretched, with your palms side by side and facing up as if someone was about to put something in your hands. Make sure you don’t rest your arms on anything, they should be out in front of you in the air.
3. Visualize any thoughts, feelings, and stresses bothering you right now.
4. Now imagine placing all of your stresses, problems, troubles, and anything bothering you into your hands. These emotions and thoughts are out of your bodies and lying in your hands. Picture them there.
5. Go back inside yourself and find any remaining pain, discomfort, and stress. Then slowly feel these sensations move out through your arms and into your hands.
6. Imagine the weight of holding all these problems, difficult thoughts and emotions, and physical distress in your hands. Feel the strain of carrying them and the weight pushing down on your hands.
7. Now, slowly turn your hands upside down letting your palms face the floor. Let all the problems, stresses, difficult feelings, and negativity fall to the floor. For now, drop your burdens.

All these problems have not disappeared or been resolved, but you have chosen to put them down for the time being to be able to focus on what you need to.

Consider practicing Box Breathing and Palms Up, Palms Down exercises between the meetings. Like any new skill, the more you practice these exercises, the more efficient you will get at using them and the more effective they can be at helping you calm your body and your mind.

A big part of the Amazing Dads! program is building a vision of the father you want to be and the ways you want to show up for your kids and as a father. One of the first exercises is to begin thinking about what you want to get out of going through this program. Whether you have been told you need to go through this program or you are participating voluntarily, you have an opportunity to think about what you can get out of this experience to help you as a father.

Expectations – What Do You Want to Get Out of This Group?

There may be many reasons you choose to use this workbook and participate in this program. Whatever brought you to Amazing Dads!, it is important to consider what you want to get out of your participation. Consider what you want to get out of your time doing this important work, and how you want to use this work to become the father you want to be.

What is the work that you are here to do to become the best father you can be? What are some things you would like to learn through this process?

Feel free to write down your answers here:

What Is Fatherhood to You?

You may not have had an opportunity to think about this before. It may sound like a simple thought, but there is value in taking some time to answer the following questions:

1. What does fatherhood mean to you?
   
   
2. What does being a dad mean to you?
   
   
3. What are some of the positives of being involved as a dad? Think about positives for you and positives for your children.
   
   
4. What is one of the toughest parts of being a dad?
   
   
5. What do you enjoy most about being a dad?
   
   

Commitment to Conscious Fatherhood

“I commit to practicing what I learn. I will do my best to let go of wanting to do this perfectly. Instead, I will consciously practice being the best father I can be.”

This commitment is incredibly important to your growth as a father. It shows that you are willing to try new things with an open mind. It also means that you agree to be kind to yourself and give yourself grace in your efforts – it is not about perfection, but rather using the things you learn in a conscious way, making purposeful choices about how you show up as a...