How I Overcame Social Anxiety (And How You Can Too!) (eBook)

INTRODUCTION

What Is Social Anxiety (And How Do I Know if I Have It?)

ACCORDING TO THE ADAA (Anxiety and Depression Association of America), anxiety disorders are the most common form of mental illness in the United States today, affecting approximately forty million adults ages eighteen and older. Social anxiety disorder (also known as social phobia) is estimated to affect 6.8 percent of the general population.1

Social anxiety has been described as:

The fear of interaction with other people that brings on self-consciousness, nervousness, feelings of being negatively judged and evaluated, and, as a result, leads to avoidance. People with social anxiety feel they’re constantly being negatively judged by other people and this leads to feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.2

It’s fairly normal for people to have times in their life when they feel a little shy or nervous, such as before giving a speech or going on a date. It becomes a problem when the fear of judgment and nervousness around people gets so intense it stops you from living a normal life and you begin to avoid everyday situations.

Signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder can include:

• Fear of situations where you may be judged
• Fear of social gatherings and places where there may be many people
• Worrying about embarrassing yourself
• Intense fear of talking with strangers
• Fear that others are always watching and judging you
• Fear of physical anxiety symptoms such as blushing, sweating, trembling or having a shaky voice
• Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment
• Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention
• Having anxiety in anticipation of an upcoming activity or event
• Spending time after a social situation analyzing your performance and identifying flaws in your interactions
• Expecting the worst possible consequences from a negative social experience

Physical signs and symptoms can sometimes accompany social anxiety disorder and may include:

• Fast heartbeat
• Upset stomach or nausea
• Shortness of breath
• Sweating and blushing
• Shaky voice and stuttering
• Diarrhea
• Muscle tension

Common, everyday experiences that may be hard to endure when you have social anxiety disorder include, for example:

• Using a public restroom
• Interacting with strangers
• Talking in groups or to authority figures
• Eating in front of others
• Making eye contact
• Initiating conversations
• Dating
• Attending parties or social gatherings
• Attending work or school
• Job interviews
• Entering a room in which people are already seated
• Returning items to a store
• Standing up for yourself

These lead to avoidance behaviors such as:

• Not answering questions or giving your opinion
• Making excuses to leave early from situations that cause you anxiety
• Avoiding social situations whenever possible
• Pretending you’re busy when someone invites you to an event
• Pretending you’re okay with bad behavior to avoid conflict

*Note: The above lists are not a substitute for a professional diagnosis.

Why Get Help?

Social anxiety greatly affects people’s overall quality of life. Not only does it hold people back from fulfilling relationships, it also affects physical health and financial success. Anxiety manifests itself in the human body as tightness, stress, and shortness of breath. Left unchecked, this leads to inflammation, a weakened immune system, and all kinds of stress-related illnesses.

Your career and financial success may also be suffering. People with social anxiety tend to avoid socializing in the workplace, asking for raises, talking to potential customers, and sharing their ideas. Some social anxiety sufferers have reported being thought of as a snobs or hard to get along with by their colleagues when, in reality, they’re nice people who are just uncomfortable making small talk.

I think you can now see why it’s so important we get this area handled. The good news is, it’s a treatable condition, and many have had success in the past.

How Can I Help?

If social anxiety is something you’re dealing with, I want you to know there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not weird or broken, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.

I have to point out that I’m not a qualified psychologist and the advice contained within this book is just my opinion. Although, having lived with anxiety disorders most of my life and recovered from them, I believe my opinion on this subject is worth considering. I’ve been professionally diagnosed with depression, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and a form of OCD called obsessive, intrusive thinking. For a long period, I was on antidepressants and antianxiety medications. During the worst of it, I was on medical disability benefits due to my fear of job interviews.

The number of books published on anxiety disorders are into the hundreds, some being more effective than others. I know because I’ve read most of them. The majority of the books are written by qualified clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, and practitioners. Although they do offer some great advice that really works, I found many of the authors haven’t lived through the conditions they’re trying to help people with and they offer advice that they haven’t actually tried themselves.

There is nothing necessarily wrong with that approach; however, on my journey I got the most help from people who have actually experienced social anxiety disorder themselves. It didn’t seem to make much difference whether they were qualified or not, some were and others were not. I don’t know whether this was because I trusted people who had been through social anxiety more, so I was more willing to listen to them, or because they could relate to what I was going through on an emotional level. Either way, this sentiment seems to hold true for many other people I have spoken with as well. Listening to someone with life experience who has actually been there seems to make the most difference.

Some of the most successful coaches in the world, including Tony Robbins, will tell you:

“If you want to learn something, find someone who has already done what you want to achieve, study them, copy exactly what they did and you’ll achieve the same results.”

For that reason, I’ve decided to share my story. If you’re still struggling with social anxiety, I believe I can help you overcome it by sharing exactly what worked for me. My aim with this book is to share how I healed my anxiety disorders in a way that is easy to follow and understand, from the perspective of someone who’s been in the trenches, suffered through it and come out the other side mentally healthy.

The focus of this book is social anxiety; however, the information and steps provided can also benefit in assisting with other forms of generalized anxiety and panic attacks as well as depression and perhaps even OCD. I’m someone who has lived with these debilitating conditions for twenty-seven years. Learning from someone who has been there will help you, as it did for me, when others shared their healing journey with me.

Change is possible. I’m not the first person to have overcome anxiety and I won’t be the last either. If you get nothing else from this book other than those words, you’re already halfway there because without believing you can overcome it, you’ll find it hard.

I want to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it seems right now. I truly hope this book helps you.

How to Get the Most out of This Book

Congratulations. You’ve taken the most important step of the whole journey; you’ve sought help to improve your life. It’s not weak to seek help. In fact, having the courage to seek help is one of the bravest things you can ever do. Be proud of yourself for that. The average person waits ten years before seeking help for social anxiety. Ten years is a very long time to be living with this condition.

To get the most from this book, you must read it with an open mind and be willing to look deep within yourself. I was able to change because I was willing to be really honest with myself, do some introspection, and figure out how my mind works. This isn’t like Harry Potter—waving your wand, reciting an incantation and you’re magically healed. This is a process that will require some effort and thinking on your part.

Treat the process of overcoming social anxiety like you would a workout program or a diet; it takes a couple of months of hard work to start seeing solid results and it happens gradually. There’s no magic pill or overnight cure. Anyone who tells you different is lying or hasn’t been through the process themselves. That may not be what you want to hear right now but that is the truth.

Please don’t give up on yourself if you put in a lot of effort but don’t notice any change in the first week or two. Your...