Linda (eBook)

Bridget Mr Christian said I should stick with it but Mrs Pargiter says I should try and find something more original. She says girls always end up doing the same three or four speeches because in Shakespeare time girls weren’t allowed to act or speak or something? But I looked at everything we’ve got in the school library and it’s not just Shakespeare time. It’s everything after that too. Girls hardly ever say anything! You’d have to like cobble a speech together from different little lines and it’s not the same because they never talk about anything important. And I said this to Mr Christian. I said it’s not just Shakespeare and he said he had a theory about that. And his theory is that when you watch a story about ‘men’ you know the stakes are really high? Because men might like

actually kill each other? Whereas when you watch a story about a ‘woman’ it’s more like

what’s at stake is more like

‘When is she going to get married?’ Like, superficial?

Then Mrs Pargiter said if I really want to do Shakespeare I should just do it because that’s the new thing now. Women doing the male parts. So you get something truly epic or – whatsit. Tragic. Even with women. She suggested Hamlet but Fiona says Hamlet’s just a wankfest for boys. Five hours of some twat thinking out loud and then killing himself. Boring.

Neil Bridget.

Bridget What?

Neil You just

you can’t call Hamlet boring. It’s not boring. It’s great art.

Bridget Come on, it is a bit boring.

Neil It’s about the human condition.

Bridget Not really.

Neil Course it is.

Bridget But Hamlet’s a prince!

Neil Exactly. I think Ophelia’s a great idea.

Bridget What?

Neil For your audition.

Bridget I’m not doing Ophelia. I’m going to do a man speech.

Neil Are you?

Bridget I just told you that.

Neil Oh.

Bridget You only listened when I started slagging off Hamlet.

Neil I was listening!

Bridget Will you help me learn my lines?

Neil When?

Bridget When I know who I’m going to be.

Neil Ask your sister.

Bridget I’m asking you.

Neil I’d love to it’s just I’m up to my eyeballs this week. When’s the audition?

Bridget It doesn’t matter.

Neil Maybe next week?

Bridget It’s OK. I’ll ask Alice. It’s not like she’s doing anything else. Ever.

Neil Huh.

Bridget What time’s dinner?

Neil Uh

I’m just doing this then I’ll make a start. Maybe in about an hour?

Bridget An hour! Have we got any crisps?

Neil Don’t stuff a load of crisps now. You won’t be hungry.

Bridget OK I won’t.

How did Mum’s thing go?

Neil What’s that?

Bridget Mum. Her pitch thing. How did it go?

Neil Oh right. Uh. I haven’t spoken to her. Well, I have spoken to her but she didn’t say.

Bridget Did she say what time she’d be home?

Neil I’m in here!

Linda Did you put the heating on?

Neil Hm?

Linda It’s warm in here. Or maybe it’s just cold out there. It’s autumn all of a sudden.

Neil Have we got any mushrooms?

Linda I don’t know. Hello.

Neil Hi.

Linda How was your day?

Neil Ah, you know. The usual.

Linda Where are the girls?

Neil Uh.

Linda Did Alice get up yet?

Neil I haven’t seen her.

Linda What time did you get home?

Neil Dunno. ’Bout four? I saw someone.

Linda Someone?

Neil Bridget!

Linda / Was it Bridget?

Neil It was Bridget. She wanted crisps.

Linda Oh that child.

Neil Huh.

Linda Are you marking?

Neil Not right now.

Linda So I did my pitch.

Neil Oh yes! How did it go?

Linda Well … I don’t want to speak too soon but

on the whole

I think I nailed it!

Neil Yes?

Linda I was passionate. I was motivational.

Neil Hurray!

Linda I demanded the return of True Beauty in a new guise.

Neil Uh-huh.

Linda God, it felt good. It was like the old days. You know? I’m not just pitching an ad. I’m starting a revolution!

Neil Super.

Linda All being well, I should be able to pitch it in Munich next month.

Neil Sounds good.

Linda Oh God. The new Brand Strategist. You should have heard her.

Neil Mmm?

Linda She’s this incredibly bright young thing Kenina’s got in from l’Audace. Gorgeous. She’s meant to be a real hot shot. But her presentation was all crow’s feet and fine lines and blah blah. Science. Whatever. I felt a bit sorry for her but you know Dave. He’s so supportive of young people.

Neil So long as yours went well.

Linda It really did. I mean we should find out on Monday for sure but I might get thinking about artwork. Be good to have something to show the Germans.

Neil Have we got any...