Violent No More (eBook)

Michael Paymar Michael Paymar has lectured and trained, both nationally and internationally, on human rights and ending gender-based violence. He provides training and technical assistance to professionals in the criminal and civil justice system, law enforcement, and the military on how to end domestic violence. Paymar lives in Minneapolis, MN, where he serves in the U.S. House of Representatives. Anne Ganley lives in Seattle, WA.

Foreword Preface Acknowledgments Introduction Why Write a Book for Men Who Batter? A Note to the Reader Chapter 1: A Challenge for MenAndy’s Story Andy’s Story Five Years Later The First Step: Owning the Problem The Next Step: Getting Help How to Use This Book Chapter 2: The Roots of Men’s Violence against Women The Superman Myth How Our Culture Encourages Violence The Struggle for Equality What Men Expect from Relationships Chapter 3: The Origins of Abuse and Sexual ViolenceCassie’s Story Bernice’s Story Women and Violence The Violence We Learn at Home The Violence We Learn from Society Why We Use Violence Sexual Violence The Impact of Violence on Sexual Relationships Chapter 4: It’s More Than Just Physical ViolenceJim’s Story Using Intimidation to Control Using Threats Blocking Her Freedom to Decide Using the Children to Get to Her The Pain of Emotional Abuse Understanding and Stopping Battering Chapter 5: Getting Past DenialSid’s Story Taking Responsibility Minimizing Violence Self-Defense or Retaliation? Guidelines for Remaining Nonviolent Letting Go of Blame Alcohol, Drugs, and Violence Anger Chapter 6: Making Changes and Staying on Track Mark’s Story Letting Go Taking Time-Outs Time-Out Rules Self-Talk: Learning to Think Positively Handling Jealousy The Danger of Obsession Chapter 7: Staying Together What Traps a Woman in an Abusive Relationship?The Switzers’ Story It May Always Be a Struggle Understanding and Accepting Women’s Anger Changing the Mind-Set Getting Your Needs Met without Being Abusive Chapter 8: Resolving Conflicts, Strengthening RelationshipsElliot’s Story New Relationships, Old Problems Egalitarian Relationships Sharing the Load The Issue of Money Expressing Feelings Learning to Negotiate and Compromise Negotiation Guide Fair Discussion Guide Developing a Personal Responsibility Program Chapter 9: HealingDave’s Story Dave’s Story Five Years Later Support for Changing Men New Definitions of Masculinity Health and Balance 1Dating: How Much of the Past Do We Reveal? Talking to Your Children about Your Violence Staying on Course: Your Lifelong Commitment Chapter 10: Veterans Coming HomeHector’s StoryScreening for Mental Health ProblemsVeteran’s CourtsChanging Military Culture Chapter 11: Creating Change in GroupsRon’s Story Expectations of Counseling The Theory and Practice of Offender Programs The Duluth Curriculum: New Approaches How Well Does Counseling Work? The Principles of an Offender Program Intake, Orientation and Screening Partner Orientation and Safety Procedures Controversies in the FieldResearch: What Do We Know?Women that Use Violence in Relationships Chapter 12: Danger and LethalityDale’s Story from PrisonAssessment Tools Chapter 13: Primary Prevention: The New FrontierStopping Rape on College CampusesReducing Demand for Violent PornographyTrafficking: Choices for MenBacklash: The War on WomenSocial Change