Eight Critical Questions for Mourners (eBook)

Introduction 'The main thing in life is not to be afraif to be human.' -Pablo Casals To be human means coming to know loss as a part of our lives. Throughout our lives, every one of us will experience unwanted endings, unexpected twists, and unhappy challenges that can leave us feeling overwhelmed. Because loss and grief are part of our human condition, we experience them daily. Loss takes many forms. Many losses, or 'little griefs,' occur as we journey through life. Not all are as painful as others, they do not always disconnect us from ourselves. Yet, many losses do invite us into the wilderness, leaving us disconnected from both ourselves and the outside world. Yes, life involves almost all of us in losses that stop us in our tracks and demand our attention. As I sit down to pen this book, my mother is in hospice care. In addition, my wife, three children, and our three pups mourn the recent loss of our home to a devastating fire. While I have dedicated my life to 'companioning' others in grief, once again I am reminded that none of us are immune from being stopped in our tracks and facing our life losses. Nothing is permanently anything. Everything that begins leads to an end. Our losses forever change us and the course of our lives. This does not mean that we will not find renewal, meaning, and purpose again. However, the reality is simply that we will never be the same. We are transformed by our life losses. Loss can be sudden and unexpected, as in an accident, gradual, as in a chronic long-term illness, or prolonged, as when a person is kept alive by advanced medical technologies. Loss can be predictable, as when our bodies age and decline, or traumatic, as when a fatal illness ravages the body of a precious child, assaulting our sense of 'life order,' which says that parents should precede their children in death. Loss can be partial, uncertain, unending, or complete. Loss can result from the breakup of a love relationship, the loss of a job, a dream, a hope, or a goal. Loss can be brought about through floods, fires, earthquakes, tornadoes, or by war, homicide, burglary, or rape. There are also losses that come from the broken family: the alcoholic parent, the drug-dependent child, the devastating divorce, the geographical move that leaves behind family and friends. Yes, even in the happiest of families, loss surrounds us and demands our attention. Even when we attends to our life losses, they lie in wait to be reawakened. Past losses are reopened by current losses. And current losses, or memories of past losses, naturally initiate fear of potential losses in the future. Our general openness to what life brings is anchored in how we conciously mourn as our life journeys unfold. This book, directed from my heart to your heart, is an invitation to explore eight critical questions when loss enters your life. While the questions and their answers may help you with life losses of all kinds, they are particularly focused on what is usually the most difficult type of loss: the death of someone loved. I believe we came into the world organically equipped to want to mourn our life losses. Unless we try to go around or numb our feelings, we can instinctively feel sad, mad, or anxious, to name but a few emotions we might experience when loss impacts our lives. The very fact that weare capable of mourning teaches us that we are meant to gently face loss and integrate them into our...