Avoiding Unbalanced, Jekyll-Hyde, Leadership Development (eBook)

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Breaking the Ice:
Your Personal Story

We are all unique, with our own sets of stories that shape who we are today. One of the many things that makes these personal narratives fascinating is how they reveal aspects about what drives us, our values and who we are as people. I thank God for these; as they often provide us with plenty of humbling opportunities to learn, be inspired and grow in a way other experiences may not. Understanding your personal story can help you lead with authenticity, connect with others, and inspire your team.

Origins

Your journey of life starts from its roots, and it is important to remember that everyone else’s life started from a different set of roots. Your personal narrative cannot exist without your culture. The environment and community where you grew up are fundamental aspects of your personal story. These factors have a significant influence on your beliefs, values, and behaviors.

My roots have absolutely had a prominent hand in sculpting the person I am today. I grew up in a family of four that put the meaning into ‘family comes first’ on a daily basis. I am the younger of two sons, and my parents instilled in me the values of hard work, honesty, and kindness. I also have no doubt that spending many of my early years living in military base housing, among families and children of various ethnic groups and walks of life, contributed to my comfort and appreciation for diversity and inclusivity.

My dad UP TO THIS DAY is my blueprint: a firm but fair career military man in the United States Navy who made family his number one priority. I often tell people that I am so fortunate to have had a “built-in” leadership mentor growing up. I was able to benefit from his leadership at home (which I honestly didn’t appreciate as a benefit until I was an adult), and I was also able to benefit from observing his leadership and mentorship within the military. I recall having several opportunities to witness his interactions with Naval personnel, and I can vividly remember how much people respected him; not only because of his rank but how he executed within his rank. I learned so much about being a man, husband, father, leader, and mentor from observing my father; but as much as I love and admire him, I have not imitated him. So much of who he is has influenced who I am, naturally. However, I have found my own place of authenticity over the years, especially as a leader.

My mom was a Civil Service employee, and the epitome of grace meets strength in a household full of testosterone. What she doesn’t know (which I guess she will now after reading this book), is how much credit I give her for being the glue that held our family together so tightly. From a leadership perspective, her presence taught me how important it is for a leader to have a trusted partner, regardless of how great the leader is. A trusted thought partner, a trusted accountability partner, a trusted support partner, a trusted partner that will always provide honest feedback, etc. As I reflect today, her example has impacted me both personally and professionally.

We weren’t a wealthy family, but we were rich in the things that mattered—love, support, and a strong sense of belonging. Watching my parents navigate life and partnership with such determination taught me the importance of perseverance and the value of hard work. These early lessons have stayed with me and continue to influence my approach to leadership.

Now my older brother. In my early years, I found myself always lingering in my older brother’s shadow. He is three years older and always seemed to be so much better than I was at most things: school, sports, even fighting. Some might think that this dynamic would cause me to compete with or resent my brother, creating a classic “sibling rivalry.” Quite the contrary, I was always trying so hard to seek his approval. In fact, I recognize today that a major part of what has always driven me (as an adolescent, a teen, a young adult, and even today as a husband and father of two grown sons) is seeking the approval of both my father and my older brother. I was overcome with a special kind of joy when I heard something as simple as “good game” from my dad after my football games, even throughout college; or when I heard “go ‘head on, boy” from my older brother. I’m psychoanalyzing myself a bit here, but the truth is that even today, I’m overcome with that same joy when I earn their nods of approval.

Experiences

Our experiences are another significant component of our personal story. The trials we’ve undergone, the victories we’ve celebrated, the failures we’ve endured—all of these mold our character and leadership style.

Probably the most influential experience of my adult life was in August of 2005 when I had to relocate my family due to Hurricane Katrina. My wife and I were a young married couple at the time, and we had recently moved to New Orleans. For those who may not be familiar with “Hurri-cations”, it’s the unexpected trip you have to take when you’re forced to evacuate because of the threat of a hurricane. Having lived in South Louisiana for several years by this time, my wife and I were both very familiar with the concept of a “Hurri-cation” and we both knew we didn’t really have the discretionary income saved to take one. However, once it became painfully evident that “this storm is going to be a little bit different”, we decided to pack as many of our important belongings as we could in my company car, as I was a pharmaceutical field sales representative at the time, and we headed north. Our older son had just recently turned two years old, and it took us twenty-three hours to get to a hotel in Memphis, TN. It took us fifteen hours to get out of the city of New Orleans alone, with a two-year old in the back seat. Let’s just say I am so thankful for portable televisions and Sesame Street CDs. We eventually found our way to Fort Worth, TX. and spent the next 60 days in hotel rooms and then settled into an apartment that we were able to afford. Between my company at the time, very generous donations from friends and extended family, loved ones, and complete strangers, we managed; but we completely drained all of our financial resources and were barely living check-to-check.

Now, situational misery comparison is not my intent. I recognize how widespread the emotional, physical, and financial impact of Hurricane Katrina was. I also fully recognize the fact that there were (and still are) so many people who had situations much worse than ours. But for the first time in my adult life, I had to lead in a way I had never been asked to do and make hard decisions that had major implications for my wife and son. I couldn’t rely on my dad to tell me what to do; primarily because he was dealing with his own challenges brought on by the storm. So, I felt a tremendous weight of responsibility as the leader and head of our young family. We spent the next several years fighting to overcome the financial and emotional toll that 2005 took on us.

I have no doubt that the resilience my parents instilled in me at an early age was the catalyst for my determination to build an astronomically better life for my family despite that difficult period in our lives. Professionally, my experience in 2005 taught me not to sweat the small stuff (or at least “try” not to. I can be wrapped pretty tight sometimes). There have been numerous additional setbacks and challenges along the way both personally and professionally, but it was through these experiences that I’ve learned the importance of perseverance, collaboration, effective communication, and staying calm under pressure.

Most importantly, I learned the importance of anchoring to my faith. I will always be a work in progress, but I made some very deliberate promises to God during those days. Promises I’m determined to make good on as long as I’m on this earth. As you reflect on your own experiences, you’ve probably also had one or two, or tens of experiences in your life that have shaped who you are as a leader. It’s so important to grab these experiences, process them, and package them in a productive way. These experiences are the pillars that lie beneath the surface, supporting the foundation that your leadership approach is built upon.

Influences: The Dual Nature of Shaping Leadership

Influences are those people, things or ideas that have made a big difference in your life. It could be a mentor who led you down your career path, or a book that caused you to see the world in new ways, or an experience you had that brought about deep self-reflection. These influences collectively form our character, values, and leadership style. Remarkably, negative influences—such as poor coaches or managers—can shape leadership styles as significantly as positive ones.

Positive Influences: Guiding Lights

When we aspire to be more effective leaders, the positive influences in leadership often come from mentors, coaches or other such inspiring individuals who demonstrate roles and behaviors that we want and strive for. These types of individuals can help you by guiding, supporting and giving inspiration because they are idols in this field of effective leadership.

Corporate executives can serve as prime examples of what strong yet empathetic leadership looks like. Such a leader demonstrates what “leading from the front” means and understands the importance of leading by example and investing time in mentoring and developing team members. Openness and truthfulness are vital elements of their leadership style. They openly talk about...