Dedication

LETTER TO MY SONS & BEAUTIFUL BRIDE

After watching the verdict in the George Floyd murder trial, it gives me hope. Not false hope, but genuine optimism that my children and grandchildren will have a better opportunity to be treated with dignity and respect. This book captures some of the life-changing and character-shaping experiences that have enabled me to awaken every day with a sense of purpose. I dedicate it to my sons and, of course, my beautiful bride.

TO MY SONS: There was a movie I saw as a young man that changed my life. It was called “Roots,” and it was about the story of one black man who was able to trace his family heritage back to a specific part of Africa and found his roots. During slavery, a pervasive mentality caused people to treat us as less than human to be bought and sold like property. When I held you, shortly after birth, I also repeated the line from the movie:

‘Behold The Only Thing Greater Than Yourself!”

Know that you are beneath NO ONE but God! I was not exaggerating when I said the movie Roots had an impact on me. Years later, I would be instructing a class for a client in Arizona. One of the students in my class had a last name that sounded like it might have an ethnic origin outside of the USA. During the week-long workshop, I found out he was from Senegal. I also found that he and his wife had invested their retirement into building a home and school for street children in Senegal. Their goal was to give these children a skill and help them become self-sustaining.

He told me these street children were relegated to begging at intersections, barefoot, walking in broken glass and animal feces, trying to scrounge up enough money for their overseers to then feed them.

Ten days later, I was on a flight with him back to Senegal. Before leaving, I was able to find a source for a unique solution to provide children in developing countries with shoes. It is called the ‘shoe-that-grows.’ It expands and fits a child for up to five years! We took duffle bags full. Getting them through customs was a tremendous risk, as they could easily have been assumed to be a business venture and the items confiscated. We were able to make a difference in the lives of these children.

The day before I flew to Senegal, I received my DNA test results, which confirmed family stories that our heritage was from West Africa. I soon discovered that my family heritage was likely linked to slave traders that would have forced men, women, children, and infants onto slave ships from Goree Island.

This island was a slave trading post is located just off the coast of Senegal and served as a significant West Africa Slave trading hub. Visiting that island was linked to the connection that I felt as a young man to the TV Series Roots. After being sold, the slaves from Goree Island had to walk a wooden plank from the door of the island prison to the deck of a waiting slave ship.

DOOR OF NO RETURN

The door you pass through from the island prison to the waiting slave ships to be chained to the deck; has been called the ‘Door of No Return’ for years. Hundreds of thousands of slaves were forced to leave their homes through this door. If they got sick or died during the transit, they were thrown overboard and fed to the sharks. The ‘lucky’ ones were able to make it to America, be sold into slavery, and be beaten. I brought flowers with me as I took the Ferry ride to the island. I tossed them in the water from the ‘Door of No Return.’ For me, it was closure for my family.

We Returned…

I was there to represent those in our family who thought they would never return. To my sons and grandchildren… I can say, hold your head up high. I also thank those fellow Africans I met during my visits, who heard me speak, realized I was an American and then said, at least once a day: “Welcome Home Brother, Welcome Home!’

JOSHUA, MY YOUNGEST, WHERE DO I START?

You are now a father of two beautiful boys, Josiah & Caleb. I am so grateful that God allowed me to try to get fatherhood right. I now know you feel I failed you in many ways, but it was never because of a lack of effort. One memory I will share with the Angel Gabriel, Auntie, and the family that has already gone home; is when you preached one of your first messages at a church in Lansing, Michigan, as a 14-year-old boy. The church took up a love offering and presented the basket to you. There were hundreds of dollars in the basket.

I remember YOU going over and telling the Pastor you couldn’t accept the money because God has already taken care of you. You then handed the basket back to him. Once, he explained that you HAD to accept it because these folks gave the money to you, knowing that they were blessing a man of God and that God would, in turn, bless them. The Pastor said you couldn’t say no because it would stop their blessings. Without missing a beat, you asked if anyone in the audience needed prayer and had them come to the altar. After praying for them, you wondered if anyone there was praying because they had lost their job.

A young man with his wife slowly raised his hand. You took the basket of money and gave it to him, telling him, “My father has taken care of all my needs. Take this money and be blessed.” The young man tried to refuse, but you told him HE couldn’t because it would stop YOUR blessings. This comment came from a 14-year-old with no coaching or instruction other than following your heart for those in need.

As a young man you demonstrated a clear heart for God. I pray that you have a chance to become a better father than apparently you feel I was to you. When my day of judgement comes, I pray that God views me the way Jesus did the woman who poured perfume on his feet. When other tried to stop her, Jesus told them to leave her alone. She was doing the best she could.

When it comes to my efforts to be a good father.

I did the best I could. I pray the same for you.

JASON, MY MIDDLE SON. You have often told me that you are the son that is most like me from a personality perspective! I carry the biggest regrets about how much I was missing from your life after your mother and I divorced. My living in California and you in Florida with your Mom; became an excuse. The miles became months, became years. You have given me a great understanding of the term ‘grace.’ It would have been easy for you to have walked past me at your high-school graduation when we reconnected. You extended grace to me then and now.

Watching you become a father of two boys (Jaise-Paul and Jackson) and one princess (Allison) has shown me that you focus on being the best father you can be. Don’t be so hard on yourself, son. You had to learn how to be a man, father, brother, and friend with no man around the house to model. That is because your mother and I were not adults enough to work out our issues. I have always admired your willingness to serve. I am grateful for the foundation you received at FAMU. Dr. Sybil Mobley and the business school gave you a great foundation in academics and accountability. Your participation and success in the ROTC Program and subsequent service in the U.S. Army also added to the man you have now become. As of this publication, you are a Major, and I am confident that Lt. Colonel is in your future.

Your heart for people is evidenced by your interactions and compassion for others. Son, with the kind of heart you have, there will be times when people will take advantage of that. Don’t let it crush your spirit. There will always put people in your life to re-affirm your goal and destiny. Continue to make smart choices and always be cautious of people or opportunities that seem too good to be true. I am not saying you shouldn’t trust, but trust has to be earned; it is a privilege and not a right. When you find yourself in a situation that you are unsure of… remember you can ALWAYS find a way out! Occasionally, you may have to swallow your pride to take the way out. If the house is on fire, you won’t hesitate to climb out a window, in a new suit or your birthday suit, right! Don’t let pride cost you your reputation or your life.

My First Born Son - Craig:

I doubt you will ever read this. I have tried to reach out over the years to no avail. Therefore, I decided to honor your request to stay out of your life. When you were born, I was 19 years old. I knew very little about being a man and even less about being a father. The one thing I knew was I had to go to work. I worked two and three jobs even while in the military. That also meant I wasn’t around as much as I should have been.

Son, I am sorry that you have felt for years that your life is better off without me in it. I will always love you, and I know that I did the best I could, even with all the mistakes of omission, not commission in your life.

TO MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE

Jennifer… “My Boo” - I know how you hate that ethnic term of endearment. But you are my ‘Boo-T-Ful Bride’ that God loaned me until death do us part. I have been so blessed to have you as my partner in life. I have made so many mistakes in the 35+ years we have been together, yet you stood by me anyways.

I traveled the world on business trips, and you were always supportive of whatever was needed to keep the...