The 4 Pillars of Happiness: How VALUES make you happy forever, no matter what happens

Dantse Dantse was born in Germany, studied in Germany and has been living in the city of Darmstadt for over 25 years. He is father of five, a type of human being you would usually call a survivalist. Unconventional, a free spirit with body and mind who is independent of the establishment, although he respects it completely. As a child he lived together with 25 other children in total. His father had three officially married wives at the same time and they all lived together in the same complex. Growing up in this way, values like giving, sharing, emotions, love, jealousy, patience, compassion, and much else came with a different emphasis than in a so-called “normal” family. These childhood experiences, his African roots, the cultural influence of Europe on him, as well as his years of coaching experiences make him see, act and be different at times, which is very refreshing in a sense. As the first African in Germany that founded a publishing house, indayi edition, and as an unconventional author, he likes to write and publish books that reflect his intercultural experiences. Books about values and about topics that society does not like to talk about and would prefer to brush under the carpet, but that are relevant for millions of people: homosexuality in Africa, female circumcision, sexuality, organ trafficking, racism, mental disorders, sexual abuse, and others. He writes and publishes books with the goal of explaining, changing, and improving – be it his guides, nonfiction books, novels, children’s books, or political blog-commentaries. Inspired by his insights and knowledge from Africa which he acquired through many teachings and by his own extreme experiences and experiments – e.g. the excessive consumption of sugar to examine the effects on the psyche – as well as scientific studies and researches and with experiences from different parts of the world, he helps women, men and children through his coaching in the areas of nutrition, health, career, stress, burnout, spirituality, body, family, and love. With Dantse Dantse, you will master your life! His unmistakable writing style, shaped by his African and French mother tongues, is his distinctive feature and was preserved by very cautious translation and editing.

Being Happy Means Taming Unhappiness8
Do You Want to Be Really Happy? Being Happy Is Not a Matter of Good Luck17
Thinking Primitively? Does the Modern and Civilised Way of Thinking Liberate You and Does It Make You Happy?20

Part A
Important Insights Into Happiness27
A1 If Only I …, Then I Would Be Happy: The Wrong Kind of Happiness28
A 2 It’s Our Perception of Things That Makes Us Unhappy33
A 3 Are You Always Happy?36
A 4 The Pursuit of Happiness: When Will You Be Happy?37
A 5 True Happiness and Happy Moments46
A 6The Saboteurs of Happiness: 30 Things Happy People Do Not Do51
A 7 The 14 Most Tenacious Characteristics of Unhappy People55
A 8 What Luck Does Not Depend on: What Do We Need to Be Happy?61
A 9 Deliberately Deciding to Be Happy Is the Precondition to Be Happy65
A 10 Can You Buy Happiness? Yes and No66

Part B
The Laws of the “Primitives” for Becoming and Staying Happy67
B 1 The Architects of Happiness – The 2 Codes the Primitives Use: The Foundation of True Happiness72

1.Code 1: Love – Self-Love and Altruism, How Do You Love?72
1.1What Is Love Anyway?74
1.2True Love Is No Consumptive Love, No “Body Love”77
1.3How Do You Recognize Someone Who Does Not Love Themselves and Therefore Does Not Love Others?80
1.4Self-Love: How Do You Love Yourself Positively?81
1.5Childhood – The Cradle of Happiness85
1.6Altruism: Loving Others87
1.7So, How Do Love and Altruism Make You Happy?90

2.Code 2: Justice – Being Just, Living Justness93

B 2 The Primitives’ 7 Technicians of Happiness100

1.Mercy: Having a Good Heart and Helping Others100
2.Believing in God104
2.1 How Does Faith Make You Happy?104
2.2 How Do I Believe?109
2.3 Believing in Miracles Makes You Happy110
3.Bringing Peace112
4.Gratitude: Being Grateful for Everything114
5.Forgiving, Asking for Forgiveness, and Reconciliation125
6.Being Humble Without Being Humiliated131
7.Do Not Compare Yourself141

B 3 The Primitives’ Workers of Happiness144

1.Serenity and Patience144
2.A Positive Self-Image Makes You Happy: How Do You Develop a Positive Self-Image?146
3.Praying, Meditating, Calmness149
4.Do Not Judge151
5.Letting Go, Neglecting and Giving Away Control153
6.Do Not Desire Anything156
7.Joy Instead of Worry: Do Not Worry and Do Not Ponder!158
8.Saying Yes Instead of No160
9.Not Worshipping Money and Having162
10.Rejecting and Fighting Poverty Makes You Happy166
11.Giving and Generosity168
12.A Diversified Occupation and Being Active171
13.A Satisfying Sexuality172
14.Food and a Healthy Diet174

B4 The Helpers of Happiness the Primitives Use177

Part C
Two Rituals With Magical Effects to Get into the Flow of Happiness and Stay There185
C1 The Morning Ritual, the Best Programme of Happiness to Get into the Flow of Happiness188

Being Happy Means Taming Unhappiness Are you really happy? Even though the question is very simple, many people will think about it for quite some time before giving an answer. Why is it so difficult for you to find an answer? Do you truly want to be happy? Which also means learning how to deal with misfortune and difficult times? Then you need to install certain values within you. How can you be happy in the long run – even when your partner leaves you and you are alone? Even when you go through a hard and ailing phase? Even when you have lost everything and everything goes wrong? Even when you are seriously ill? Even when fate wants to put you to the test? Someone who thinks that happiness means only ever having and experiencing the most beautiful and amazing things does not know what being happy means, because happiness means managing unhappiness. Happiness always includes unhappiness, otherwise happiness would not be detectable, not measurable. The author of this book, Dantse, does not just talk, he is the best example of what he writes about. His life has not always been easy. His life has crossed ordeals and people are still in awe when they meet him. When you see him you really believe in that true happiness that does not depend on X or Y. A profound happiness that is embedded deep inside, that relaxes and calms down. Many ask him: “How do you do this? Where do this infectious smile and your joy come from when you walk into a room?” He only sleeps three to four hours a night, works for about 12 hours during the day, coaches and treats people, writes books and takes care of his family every day, yet you never see any signs of stress on his face. “I’m just happy. No matter what happens, even though I’m not always content. I have the Program of Happiness deep in me,” replies Dantse who helps people – rich and poor, ill and healthy, men and women, old and young – become happy every day. Although this profound feeling that nothing can jar you is not that difficult to make happen or to install within you. Just read this book and you will suddenly feel on your own how happy you are, you will know what you need and have to do to install the strong and profound happiness in your soul like a program. Happiness is more than a nice, good feeling that only lasts for a moment. This book is your happiness!

Do You Want to Be Really Happy? Being Happy Is Not a Matter of Good Luck Every one of us strives for happiness – but what exactly is happiness? What makes people truly happy? How do you become happy? When do you become happy? Can you measure happiness? There probably isn’t a person out there that does not wish to be happy. I am asking you a simple question: Are you happy? The question seems easily answered, but it is not. Do you really want to be happy? Can you just wish to be happy and, whoosh, you are happy? We often mistake moments of happiness for true and profound happiness. Fast luck, that will give you nice feelings for a moment (moments of happiness), is feasible. Getting a nice kiss, having sex, eating a delicious meal, eating ice-cream, listening to your favourite song, getting a promotion, or passing an exam will give us fast feelings of happiness that will last for a moment (long or short) but they will disappear as quickly as they have come. It has a lot to do with fun, lust, enjoyment. That is the definition of happiness for a human being in modern times. That kind of happiness never lasts long. As soon as the matters that give us these great moments are not there anymore, we fall into a deep mood of unhappiness (sadness, fear, worry, whining, dissatisfaction, fury, anger, hatred, and so on) since we only want what is nice and do not want to have to accept the unpleasant matters. Many people do not even want to be happy. They only want fun and pleasure and mistake that for happiness. I cannot just produce the profound happiness, my happiness of life. Just as you cannot free yourself from unhappiness. They both, together, belong to true happiness. Therefore, true happiness is not a matter of luck. Happiness means wanting to be happy. Happiness means making a decision and that decision is: “I WANT TO BE HAPPY” This firm and determined decision is the beginning of the work on happiness. Only from that moment onwards you ask yourself, what even is happiness? Because happiness does not come automatically. Many people read books that rather describe happiness to them than explain how to install the Program of Happiness in yourself. Happiness can only evolve and stay, no matter what, once the Program of Happiness has been installed. You can only free yourself from unhappiness by being happy once your program stands firm. You need to become active to be happy. Happiness has to be fought for and worked for. Truly wanting to be happy also means not living our lives by human standards but by the standards of nature and God – as the primitives do it. Read my book “I Hate Happy People”, stories by unhappy people, to better understand unhappiness.  Thinking Primitively? Does the Modern and Civilised Way of Thinking Liberate You and Does It Make You Happy? Primitive vs. modern. What is more civilised? What makes us happier? I see a lot of people wonder, even get upset, when they hear the adjective primitive. They probably ask themselves why I, as an African, use a word that is so negatively connoted. Every book says primitive means less intelligence, a lack of being civilised. I do it because my definition of primitive is positive by regarding values as standard and comparing them. Primitive has got a more biological meaning to me and that is primitive = primordial, pre, true, real. Or are we saying that the original people, who – based on their knowledge – eat in a way that they hardly know cancer, depression, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, are primitive, meaning less intelligent? Does thinking primitively really mean being primitive? No. The primitive philosophy is holistic and encompassing all time. The philosophy of the modern world is punctual and local. When the soul is neglected Modern people neglect their soul, whereas the primitives do not. The modern human being’s understanding of happiness is too limited because it neglects the mental questions and everything that has to do with the soul – it much rather sees the optical, the physical. It does not pay enough attention to its soul anymore. Jesus Christ already warned us about that danger more than 2000 years ago: “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26) The modern person thinks like this: “I will be happy when I am married and have children.” “If I have a child with him, he will love me and I will be happy.” “I will be happy once I have my own house.” “I will be happy, if I get that job.” The primitive thinks like this: “I am happy with what I have.” “I am happy the way I am.” “I am happy with what I am doing.” The primitives live in the moment and accept reality; they create a happy and content life from that reality. Modern people, on the other hand, live in their wishes and reject reality. They always want more and, preferably, only for themselves. They do not look left or right to see if their wishes are good for other people or nature. They want to have power over life. They want to have control over their life and the environment. They believe they can entirely decide for themselves, but they soon find their limit. This limit also shows them that their power over themselves and over nature is limited. However, they do not want to accept that everything society has “prescribed” them – even if it is very logical and sounds good – becomes illusive at a certain point. They do not want to or cannot accept it, yes, were they not told that every man is the architect of his own fortune? That is why they get into a fight. They start comparing themselves to others. Measuring their happiness with others’. It is a fight they cannot win because they quickly notice that many things just happen and there is nothing they can do to change it. What a shame, they think. They fight to not look like a loser. It is a fight that, in the end, destroys them from the inside, once they notice that they cannot have everything they wish for after all. Once they see the truth (that they still cannot/do not want to/mustn’t accept) they realize they can plan everything in detail however they want to, but then everything turns out differently and that humiliates them. If they see that, even though they have done everything the doctors have told them, they still get seriously ill, then it is too much to ask of them to be happy. They cannot fall back on anything to support themselves, to have strength. To have hope. Faith and God have been presented as something primitive to them after all. They rather find their way to esoteric. That they can only just imagine. But there they will also realise that it is only a good way for people who carry something primitive in them. Since they do not want to be primitive, it is not the right way for them. They will not find their desired peace of the soul through esoteric, fortune telling, card-reading, yoga, astrology, or horoscopes. Moments of happiness cannot last long. All of that exceeds their limits. Burnout, depression, fears, eating disorders, migraines, suicidal thoughts and other psychosomatic illnesses, alcohol- and drug addiction infest them and thereby block the way to a lasting happiness. They can only expect occasional moments of happiness that can be longer sometimes, or very short sometimes, if anything. On the contrary, the primitive knows that they are a part of the world and nature and that everything is correlated and has a meaning. Every day, they are happy to be alive. That alone already fills their life with joy. Life, the simple life, fulfils them. They accept it if something does not happen as they had wished. They do not compare themselves. They do not feel like a failure or loser because they never see themselves as a winner, either. Every successfully mastered task is only another mission in life they have to accomplish. That is why it is nothing special and their life does not depend on it. If they miss their goal, then they also see that misconduct as a mission in life. “It had to be like this. It is certainly good for me and nature or for my fellow human beings,” is what they think even if they cannot see the positive thing about it in that moment. Their belief in it is more important than immediately seeing it. “Everything has a meaning and it is good that way.” That is how they think and the matter is straightened out. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Niebuhr (https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/31146.Reinhold_Niebuhr) That is the primitives’ law. These short explanations make it obvious that the so called primitive actually is the more modern, civilised human being. They know the laws of happiness better and are wise. Being primitive does not mean living archaically and antiquatedly but instead living future-proof, authentically, holistically, thinking of fellow human beings and nature, firmly believing in themselves as a part of a unity with other people, animals, and nature – all of that under one power: the power of God. The primitive one is a wise one. And how can a wise person be backwards?