The Boy Crisis

Dr. Warren Farrell is the author of books published in 17 languages. They include two award-winning international best-sellers: Why Men Are The Way They Are plus The Myth of Male Power. Warren has been chosen by the Financial Times as one of the world's top 100 thought leaders. Dr. Farrell is currently the Chair of the Commission to Create a White House Council on Boys and Men. He is the only man in the U.S. to have been elected three times to the Board of the National Organization for Women (NOW) in New York City. He started more than 300 men and women's groups, including ones joined by men from John Lennon to John Gray. Dr. Farrell has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, TODAY, and Good Morning America, and been the subject of features on 20/20, in Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, People, Parade, and The New York Times. Dr. John Gray is the author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. USA Today listed Mars/Venus as number six among the most influential books of the last quarter century. In hardcover, it was the number one bestselling nonfiction book of the nineties. John Gray's books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries. Dr. Gray's more recent books include Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, Why Mars and Venus Collide, and Work With Me (with Barbara Annis). John has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, as well as on The Dr. Oz Show, TODAY, CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, etc. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today, TV Guide, and People. He was also the subject of a three-hour special hosted by Barbara Walters.

Introduction





My Personal Journey into The Boy Crisis







PART I: Is There Really a Boy Crisis?



1 The Crisis of Our Sons' Mental Health







2 The Crisis of Our Sons' Physical Health







3 The Crisis of Our Sons' Economic Health







4 The Crisis of Our Sons' Education







5 The Crisis of Our Sons Worldwide







6 Why Are We So Blind to the Boy Crisis?







PART II: Why the Boy Crisis Isn't Your Fault



7 The Boy Crisis: A Problem Created by a Solution







PART III: The Purpose Void

8 The Path-to-Purpose Generation Gap





The Power of Purpose



"I never thought you cared enough to ask."




Your Son's Unconscious Wisdom
Can a "Real Man" Transition from Provider-Protector to Nurturer-Connector?







9 The "Hero Paradox": Value Yourself by Not Valuing Yourself





A Hero with a Thousand Faces
The Sirens of Social Bribes



Social bribes: Mom, men, the media, the military




The Catch-22 of Your Son-as-Hero







10 Why Do More Marriages Fail in Countries That Succeed?





The father's catch-22
The Era of the Multi-Option Mom and the No-Option Dad
How Did Our Daughters Avoid the Purpose Void?
"Sorry, It's a Boy"







11 How Raising Our Sons Successfully in the Past Differs from Raising Our Sons Successfully for Their Future





Making Money Versus Making a Difference
How to Guide Different Boys Toward Different Senses of Purpose
Our Sons' New Sense of Purpose: The Hero's Journey to Emotional Intelligence
Son-Dropping







12 Raising a Balanced Son in an Out-of-Balance World





What Happened to Pick-Up Team Sports?
Helping Your Son Find His "Edge"
Filling Your Son's Purpose Void: Your Son as Hero







PART IV: Dad-Deprived Boys vs. Dad-Enriched Boys

13 Dad-Deprived Boys





Boys Who Hurt, Hurt Us



The Lost Boys: Mass shooters
ISIS: A gang of dad-deprived boys?




Bio Dad: The Discovery of the Dad Brain
Careers Are for Now; Children Are Forever
The Absence of Dad Creates the Presence of Government







14 Why Are Dads So Important?





Let Me Count the Ways







15 Rediscovering Dad





The Generation of the Dad Rich Versus the Dad Poor
When Does Dad Begin to Matter?
Stepdad or Bio Dad: Does it Make a Difference?







16 What Dads Do Differently





Boundary Enforcement (Versus Boundary Setting)
Exploring Nature, Taking Risks
Roughhousing: Dad as a Rough, Tough Cream Puff
"Teachable Moments": A Little Pain for a Lot of Gain
Challenging the Kids' Limits
Hangout Time
Teasing: Emotional Intelligence Training, Dad-Style?
The Conditional or Hierarchical Dad
The Worrier and the Warrior: The Checks and Balances of Parenting







17 In the Case of Divorce . . . The Four "Must-Dos"







18 The Father Warrior: Why Fathering Will Be a New Male Sense of Purpose





com: The Father Warrior Meets the Have-It-All Woman
If Men Get Paid More, Is It Realistic for a Dad to Be the Primary Parent?







19 DAD: Discrimination Against Dads





"It Doesn't Feel Right When I See Them Together"
Moms Have the Right to Children, Dads Have to Fight for Children
How Did Father Knows Best Become Father Knows Less?
Guiding Your Son to "Make a Difference"







20 The Best Parent is Both Parents, But . . .





The Best "Parent" is an Attitude Shift



Fighting in front of the kids
No one asked why the men were drinking
Cheap fun for dad and son
Dad-inspiring movies




When the Best "Parent" Cannot Be Both Parents



The Cub Scouts and character
Mentoring and rite-of-passage programs
Grandfather time
When the biological father is missing, can God the Father help?











21 From "Cultural Shrug" to Cultural Shift





Kill Today, Love Tomorrow: The Military Dad Dilemma
From Father's Dime to Father's Time
The Government: As Problem, as Solution



Creating a White House Council on Boys and Men




Our Dads, Our Sons, Our Guns







22 Creating Dad-Enriched Families







PART V: Heroic Intelligence Versus Health Intelligence



23 Heroic Intelligence Versus Health Intelligence





Biologically, Girls Just Live Longer, Right?
Social Bribes: Hollywood-Heroic Health Versus Mental and Physical Health



Does the new heroine mean your son won't have to risk his life for her love?




Health Intelligence Inventory
Boys' Weakness as Their Facade of Strength
Your Son's Body, Not His Choice



"First and ten, concussion again!"
My son wants to join the military. Is this good news or bad news?




Your Son's Body, Your Son's Choice: Resisting the Sirens of Social Bribes







24 Emotional Intelligence and Mental Health





The Barriers to a Boy's Emotional Intelligence
Behind Your Son's Mask



"I'm fine . . . Just leave me alone."
Helping your son take risks in life without risking his life




How Heroic Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence Play Out in Everyday Life



Moving to better neighborhoods helps girls and hurts boys
The bully and the bullied
Helping both the bully and the bullied




Eighteen Steps Toward Integrating Emotional and Physical Health Intelligence into Heroic Intelligence







25 Reversing Depression, Preventing Suicide





Causes of Suicide



Women cry, men die
If no human doing, no human being
Suicide is contagious




Diagnosing Danger: The Warren Farrell Male Depression/Suicide Inventory (WFMDI)
Preventing Suicide







26 Hidden Hazards to Your Son's Health





The "Sperm Crisis": To Be, or Not to Be
Drinking and Drugs
The Unholy Trinity: Obesity, Diabetes, and Erectile Dysfunction







27 From Hurt People Hurting People to Healed People Healing People





Refilling the Empathy Void
Couples' Communication: Your Children's Best Inheritance







PART VI: ADHD: Treatment With or Without Medication



28 The New Neural Crisis





A New Spin on ADHD







29 The Four Faces of ADHD







30 The Many Causes of ADHD





Addressing the Cause to Heal the Brain







31 Natural Solutions to Restore Dopamine Function







32 Natural Supplements for Better Brain Performance







Conclusion





Your Mission: Guiding Your Son to Discover His Mission
Extending Gender Liberation to Dads
From Cultural Shrug to Cultural Mission: A Gender Liberation Movement







Appendix A: Family Dinner Night: The Five Essentials



Appendix B: The Boy Crisis List: The Benefits of Dad, the Dangers of Dad Deprivation



Bibliography







Acknowledgments



About the Authors