Mending the Torn Fabric

Sarah Brabant

The Torn Fabric
Presentation of the analogy (The torn fabric)

Places to Mend
This chapter focuses on the bereaved individual's response to loss and includes such responses as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, relief, fear, and sadness. It also discusses acceptance as a process rather than an end result.

Places to Avoid
Focus is on guilt and blame and centers on the response of others to an individual's loss. How is the loss defined? Is it worth grieving about? How "should" one grieve appropriately? Included is a discussion of early childhood learning that may inhibit grief work, i.e., mending.

How Many Tears?
This chapter addresses the social roles that are lost when a person dies. For example, when a child dies, the parent "dies" also. Thus, there are always at least two tears. How does one go about recognizing which tear needs mending?

Earlier Tears
This chapter includes earlier losses such as abandonment(s), failures, abuse, etc.

Future Tears
This chapter includes but is not limited to anniversary reactions and holidays.

Needles and Threads
Books, workshops, counseling are discussed at this time. This chapter also includes rituals, dreams, exercise, and other means of working through grief.

Complicated Mending
This chapter looks at those factors which make mending (grief work) particularly difficult, e.g., earlier problems such as alcoholism, or types of death such as sudden death, murder, suicide, multiple deaths, etc.

The Mended Fabric
This chapter addresses the problems associated with moving back into the mainstream of life, i.e., embroidering rather than mending.

Guidelines for Those Who Want to Help
Suggestions (both do's and don'ts) for family, friends, and co-workers.

Notes for the Professional: Theoretical Underpinnings and Use of Analogy

Bibliography • Resources for Bereaved Persons •
Suggested Readings/Videos • Index