Not by Chance

TIM THAYNE, After founding successful wilderness and residential teen treatment programs, in 2005 Tim Thayne created Homeward Bound to lead the movement to educate and support families, while greatly reducing relapse. Never one to underestimate the significance of transitions, Thayne guides parents in their crucial leadership roles as culture builders and change agents.

Acknowledgments
Foreword
Introduction
The Worst Day of My Career
The Purposes of this Book
All or Nothing: What It Takes to Succeed
Three Major Factors for Long-Term Success
Parent Involvement
Structure and Stability
Aftercare Process
Family System Focus
What If My Teen Is Not Coming Home?
Five Reasons to Engage in Family Work
Molding the Context
Have a Plan and Stick with It
Teens May Have Agency, but Parents
Have Empowerment
Know When to Hold ’Em:
How Good Treatment Programs Work
Elements of a Powerful Therapeutic Milieu
Consistency Is King
Safety and Security
A Structured Full Daily Schedule
Clinical Component
Good Staff
Parent Participation
Individualized Treatment
Time
Ready to Roll: Your Role While Your Teen is in Treatment
It’s Your Turn
The Résumé of Failure
The Ideal Relationship with Your Program
Become a Partner in the Process
Don’t Be Laissez-Faire
Be an Engaged Collaborator
Treatment Resistant Family Dynamics
The Enmeshed Family
The Emotionally Detached Family
The Polar and Divided Family
Stages in the Parent/Program Partnership
Letting Go
Brace Yourself
Re-engage
Remodel the Relationship
Lead by Example
Make a Game Plan
Get Unified with Your Co-parent
Appraise the Home Environment
Evaluate the Academic Environment
Plan for Your Staying Power
Jeopardy: What’s Waiting after Discharge?
Expectations
Greenhouse to Garden
Pack Early
Hidden Waterfalls
Discordant Parenting Waterfall
Emotional Trigger Waterfall
Power Struggle Waterfall
Freedoms/Privileges Waterfall
Not Knowing When or How to Let Go Waterfall
Over-accommodation Waterfall
Unclear Expectations/No Accountability Waterfall
The Social Vacuum Waterfall
Siblings Waterfall
Stack the Deck: Your Community’s Contribution
Community is Key
Natural vs. Assigned Mentors
Talking About Treatment
Acquaintances
Siblings
Extended Family and Close Friends
Get Connected with Other Parents
Micro-interventions
Community Building in Our Day
The Cheering Section: Recruiting
Multiple Natural Mentors
Identifying Home Team Members
Extended Family
Older Siblings
Peer Mentors
Adult Mentors
Family History
Adoption
Overcoming the Bystander Effect
Let’s Make a Deal: The Excitement Phase
Four Phases
Talk it Out
Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep
Don’t Cave In to Pressure
Appraise the Friends
Recognize Progress
Identify Fears and Prepare
Dump the Guilt
Set Absolutes (Red Light Issues)
Five Keys to Fair Consequences
Stars in Our Eyes: The Honeymoon Phase
Short, Sweet and Real
Enjoy It but Don’t Falsely Prolong It
See Strengths
Use Momentum
Give Up Suspicion
Twists and Turns: The Testing Phase
First Signs
Never, Ever Say...
Talk It Out
Stay Calm and Hold the Boundary
Focus on Your Part
When You Need a Coach
Never, Never, Never Give Up
Win the Day: The Maintenance Phase
Don’t Kick Back
Expand the Privilege Pool
Family Check-Ins
Stop the Volcano
Have Fun
No Such Thing as Luck: Helping Your Teen Keep the Momentum
Stretch Goals
Call on the Home Team
Motivating Teens
Relapse Prevention Plan
School Success Plan
Daily Schedule
Exercise
Sleep Patterns
Employment
Service
Hobbies and Play
Social Interactions
Your Turn: Parenting–The Number-One Thing Within Your Control
Circle of Influence
1. Parenting Leadership Is Essential to Healthy Families.
2. Nurturing the Relationship is a Priority.
3. Clear Expectations Encourage Consistency and Teach Values.
4. Choice and Accountability Invite Growth.
5. Parental Unity Creates Family Stability and Strength.
6. Change Takes Time and Sustained Effort.
7. Parents Are the Most Powerful Agents of Change.
The Game of Life: Over-eighteeners
The Gap between Treatment and Independent Living
Transition Programs
Home
Failure to Launch
Tips to Make a Launch Successful
We’ve Got a Winner: The Role of Aftercare In Long-Term Success
Why Aftercare?
What Success Looks Like
Conclusion
References
INDEX