Beyond Violence

Stephanie S. Covington, PhD, LCSW, is a clinician, author, and organizational consultant. She is a pioneer in the design and implementation of gender-responsive treatment services for women in public, private, and institutional settings.

Orientation Session 1

Introduction to the Program 1

Overview of the Program 2

Your Workbook 2

Group Introductions 3

Topics Covered in This Program 4

Group Agreements 5

Triggers and Coping Tools 6

Five Senses 7

Breathing and Exhaling 7

Statistics on Violence in the United States 8

Definition of Violence 10

The Social–Ecological Model (People in the Environment) 11

Creating a Container 14

Discovering Your Anger Style 16

Anger Survey 19

Assignment 20

Self-Soothing Activity: Palms Down, Palms Up 21

Part A: Self

Session One: Thinking Our Thoughts 25

The Spirals of Violence and Nonviolence 26

Cognitive Distortion 27

My Typical Distorted Thinking 29

Feelings Inside and Outside 31

The DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 32

Understanding Keila 32

Understanding Me 34

Assignment 36

Session Two: Feeling Our Feelings 39

Identifying Feelings 40

Beliefs About Feelings 43

Intensity of Feelings 44

Emotional Wellness 48

Feelings and the Body 49

When Feelings Threaten to Overwhelm You 50

The Observer Self 51

Assignment 52

Session Three: Violence and Trauma in Our Lives 53

Types of Abuse 54

The Process of Trauma 54

Calming Strategies 58

Two Calming Activities 59

Mindful Breathing 59

Ten-Point Body Scan 59

Assignment 60

Session Four: The Effects of Trauma 63

Adverse Childhood Experiences Survey 64

The Effects of Trauma and Substance Use on the Brain 68

Risk Factors for Addiction 69

Personal Experiences with Substances 70

Triggers and the Body 71

Yoga Poses and the Mind–Body Connection 74

Assignment 75

Session Five: Women and Anger 77

Words for Anger 78

Meeting a Feeling 79

The Anger Funnel 80

Anger Triggers 82

Anger Management Strategies 83

Anger Dos and Don’ts 85

Hidden Anger 87

Self-Inflicted Violence 88

Assignment 89

Session Six: Understanding Ourselves 91

DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 92

Understanding Keila 92

Understanding Me 94

Understanding My Behavior 96

Understanding Keila 96

Understanding Me 97

Becoming Whole 98

Assignment 100

Part B: Relationships

Session Seven: Our Families 103

Self-Soothing Activity: Deep Breathing 104

Risk Factors 105

Family Sculpture 106

The Cost of Violence 107

Feelings and the Family 108

The Anger Questionnaire 109

Wheel of the Nurturing Family 112

Assignment 115

Session Eight: Communication 117

Communication Styles 118

Nonverbal Communication 119

Communicating Emotions 120

Strategies for Creating Connection Through Communication 121

Responses to Stress 122

Assignment 124

Session Nine: Power and Control 125

The Power and Control Wheel 126

Types of Abuse in Relationships 130

The Violence Continuum 132

Escalation and De-escalation 134

Violence in Prison 136

Using the Time 137

Assignment 138

Session Ten: Conflict Resolution 141

Fair Fighting 142

Words, Words, Words 143

Impulse Control 144

The Equality Wheel 147

Assignment 150

Session Eleven: Creating Our Relationships 151

Falling in Love 152

Love and Addiction 153

Contrasting Intimate Relationships and Addictive Relationships 154

How to End a Relationship 155

Assignment 156

Part C: Community

Session Twelve: Our Communities 159

Self-Soothing Activity: Progressive Muscle Relaxation 160

Our Communities 162

Visualization 163

Friendship 167

Assignment 168

What’s in a Name? 170

Session Thirteen: The Importance of Safety 171

Safety in the Community 172

The Four Kinds of Safety 173

Environment and Behavior 175

Safe and Unsafe Environments 176

Safety and the Body 177

Community Maps—Past, Present, and Future 178

Assignment 182

Session Fourteen: Creating Community 183

DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 184

Crossroads 186

Making Good Decisions 188

Assignment 190

Session Fifteen: The Power of Community 193

DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 194

Activity: Writing About a Kind Act 195

Assignment 196

Part D: Society

Session Sixteen: Society and Violence 199

Self-Soothing Activity: Breathing in the Positive 200

Reviewing the Risks for Violence 201

The Culture Wheel 202

Institutional and Cultural Supports for Domestic Violence 204

Working to End Violence 206

Art as an Expression of the Levels of Violence 209

Assignment 211

Session Seventeen: Creating Change 215

Health, Harmony, and Wholeness 216

The Spirals of Transformation 218

Assignment 221

Session Eighteen: Transforming Our Lives 223

Visualization 224

The Role of Remorse in Transformation 225

The Process of Transformation 226

Making Amends 227

Forgiveness 228

Assignment 229

Session Nineteen: Honoring Ourselves and Our Community 231

The Relational Wheel 232

Are You Becoming the Person You Want to Be? 234

ORID 235

Appreciation 237

Appendix Yoga Poses 239

About the Author 245

About the Cover 247