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See the Water

The CEO's feedback on my latest project was true to his nature – “this is utter (obscenity).” The project would go on to be a huge success. But the boss was the alpha dog. He wanted everyone to know who was in charge, and he did this by pushing everyone down. I walked back to my office, passing a VP in the company. She was fraying around the edges. It wasn’t the healthiest workplace.

Every morning I entered the office with the thought, “Why am I not as rich as Mark Zuckerberg? I need to work harder.” I had ludicrous self‐standards back then. Perhaps that was why I accepted the brunt of the CEO's bullying – I saw it as a step along my career path, and the money wasn’t bad. But the stress was building. I suffered stomach pains and backaches. I sought out physical and mental therapy. Eventually I turned to more primal coping mechanisms. When I used the office restroom, I’d write the CEO's name on a sticky‐note, toss it in the toilet, and relieve myself over it. That helped.

The CEO's behavior was contagious. One afternoon I watched an employee wave his hand at his colleague and call him “stupid” with such condescension that I thought it deserved an Academy Award. The other employee had the wherewithal to stay calm and explain his ideas, although I had no idea how. I took the scene in stride because it wasn’t unique. My manager left the company shortly after, replaced by a friend of the CEO and one of the sleaziest people I ever knew. He bragged about the crazy things he’d done in racecars, the money he dropped on glitzy entertainment. Ironically, he was eventually fired by the CEO as well.

Perhaps the pivotal moment for me occurred after I participated in a speech contest. That was how I spent my free time back then. One thousand people competed, and a handful of us made it to the final round. I won the contest. I shared the news with my team the following Monday. Word must have gotten around because when I met with the CEO later that day, he casually mentioned that his cofounder was the best public speaker in the company. He made pointed eye‐contact to see whether I would challenge him. Instead, I decided it was time to pack my bags and move on.

The CEO wielded his authority like an iron fist and purposely disempowered his employees. This was a very clear power dynamic. Had I understood power back then, I might have been able to protect myself and reduce my stress. But if anything, I rejected power because of the way I saw it used. I had no desire to act like that CEO. What I did not see were the many ways other powerful people behaved.

Take Pat Gelsinger, the CEO of Intel.1 Pat literally started from the bottom of the Intel hierarchy as a technician. It's a straight forward role that doesn’t require a college degree. Pat earned his degree while employed and worked his way into leading the design team for the 486 microprocessor. Then he became the youngest Intel VP at 32 years old. How did he do that?

What's fascinating about Pat is that he's a strong Christian and intensely focused on the values of his faith. This means that his modus operandi is not alpha dog. Pat's values include generosity and serving others. He is often invited to mentor employees, a task which he gladly accepts. Pat inspires a high level of trust.

There are few greater successes than rising from the bottom of a hierarchy at a multi‐billion‐dollar company to the very top. That is exactly what Pat did. Pat's behavior appears to be the polar opposite of the CEO I worked with, and this is what makes the discussion of power so confusing.

When many of us hear the word power, we associate it with power over others. We think of bullies, dominators, and those who enjoy flaunting their authority. We think about the Harvey Weinsteins of the world, the powerful executives who lead organizations with a whip. Power equals being the alpha dog. And there are many cases where intimidation created exceptional results. Andy Grove, another Intel CEO prior to Pat, had the catchphrase “only the paranoid survive.”2 Sounds like a fun place to work, right? When employees shared ideas Andy didn’t like, he shouted them down and berated them in front of others. Andy also took Intel's market capitalization from $4 billion to $197 billion during his tenure. That is unqualified financial success.

Anyone with a shred of ambition wants to get ahead. Power is the primary vehicle to that end. But it leaves an unpleasant aftertaste in the mind. Mixed in with the possibility of success is a shadow of discomfort. The desire to be strong colliding with the desire to be good. We win on the outside, but we lose on the inside. So instead many of us seek ways to level up on the inside. We learn to be joyful and happy. But joy and happiness do not magically lead to results. We feel great on the inside, but we are still stuck in our jobs on the outside. We spend nearly a third of our lives working. Work is how we support our family. Work is our self‐expression in the world. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could win on both the inside and the outside?

The result of this conflict has led to the exploration of empathic power, of servant leadership. Herb Kelleher, the CEO of Southwest Airlines, is a shining exemplar of this approach. “I’d rather have a company bound by love than a company bound by fear,” said Herb.3 He arm‐wrestled colleagues and asked employees about their families.4 Not too different in some respects to Pat Gelsinger. Herb not only grew Southwest Airlines to a major airline competitor, but he maintained consistent profits in an industry where every other company went through ups and downs. Just like Andy Grove, Herb was an unqualified success.

On the surface then, there appears to be a contradiction of what it means to be powerful. At the very least, we see two different types of power. On one hand, we have power through intimidation. Alpha‐dog power and the desire to dominate. On the other hand, we have power through connection. Collaborative power that honors others. A conundrum only until we understand the truth, which is that these are not two different types of power. There is only one type of power here expressed in two different ways.

The challenge with trying to understand power is that we view it as a set of behaviors. A great deal of research has gone into observing how powerful people act. Some leaders act dominant and some leaders act sensitive. So we make categories – dominant power, sensitive power, and so on. But if power is a set of behaviors, how can the behaviors be so different? Viewing power as a set of behaviors also contradicts our common sense. We all know empathizers and dominators who are weak.

A colleague of mine went to lunch with a group of friends, the youngest of whom was the star basketball player at the local university. Mr. Basketball stood easily 6′7″ and was all about “power.” In fact, he had just finished reading a book on getting what you want through intimidation. As if he needed it. When the group arrived at the restaurant, the lunch line was out the door. Mr. Basketball ignored everyone and strode to the front of the line. He cut in front of the person there and demanded a table, much to the embarrassment of his friends. The maître d’ was about to politely engage when an elderly lady in line spoke up curtly, “Young man, what do you think you’re doing?” Everyone turned to stare. Abashed by her words and facing the onslaught of negative attention, Mr. Basketball slunk to the back of the line. Nobody mistook his behavior for power.

We’ve all seen someone take action that wins our respect. Likewise, we’ve all seen someone emulate those same behaviors but only convey insecurity and garner disrespect. Power is not something purely external. There is something else going on underneath that we attribute to the person. A powerful person will walk into a room and own it. They radiate an aura that is larger than life. It's not a quality that is easily emulated.

Logically the solution is to associate power with an internal trait like personality. Nelson Mandela is an exceptional example because he maintained his internal power despite being imprisoned for nearly thirty years. All his external power was eliminated. And yet almost overnight Mandela went from being a prisoner to being the President of South Africa. There was something about the man himself.

Many studies have explored the relationship between power and personality. Cameron Anderson and his colleagues at UC Berkeley measured the personality of seventy‐four dormitory students to figure out whether personality influenced social status on the dormitory floor.5 The students were a mix of freshman and sophomores, most of whom had come together for the first time at the beginning of the academic year. Cameron measured personality using the Big Five test, arguably the most famous personality test in the field of psychology. The Big Five measures Extraversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism, Conscientiousness, and Openness. Cameron then measured the status of each student by gathering peer ratings at two weeks into the start of the semester and four months later at the end of the semester.

The first interesting finding from Cameron's research was the impact of Agreeableness. Agreeableness is about being kind, friendly, and polite to others. Agreeableness had zero...