Introduction

I wish that I could say that with a few simple breaths and a focus on the present moment, you can solve all of life’s problems. In reality, finding calm amid the chaos is an ongoing process, and at times fear and anxiety will win the day. The intention of this book is not to simply gather the tools of mindfulness, find the right meditative practices, and create the perfect daily habits to reach a permanent place of peace. That place does not exist, and chaos will continue to creep into your life from time to time, regardless of the tools you discover within these pages.

My hope is that the tools, tips, and practices we’ll uncover together will give you the strength to keep moving through life no matter how many storms come your way. The information in this book is there to help you through whatever storm you’re facing right now. That storm may be a lack of calm within your life, a feeling of disconnection from yourself, or the difficulties that come from being in conflict with those you hold dearest. Whatever you are facing right now is a unique and personal journey, but I hope you can see yourself in some of the stories presented here and find some solace knowing you are not alone. There are things you can do to help you let it all settle and, for a moment, find some calm in the chaos.

How This Book Is Organized

I’ve broken the following pages into the three areas that led me on my path. They will help as you begin your journey of moving from chaos to calm.

• Part 1: Finding Calm is about finding calm within your life and facing the inner blocks that are holding you back and keeping you stuck in unhealthy patterns.
• Part 2: Coming Home to Yourself is about recognizing your unique and inherent goodness and connecting back with an authentic version of yourself.
• Part 3: Honoring Connection is about creating deep and meaningful relationships with the people in your life and breaking through the blocks that may be standing in your way.

Chapters in each part of this book highlight some of life’s bigger challenges. The goal of these chapters is to provide you with specific tools, practices, or methods you can utilize as you move through the challenges outlined in the chapter. Using storytelling, I take you through my own personal experiences and through my work with clients to showcase these tools in action and show movement from one side of the challenge to the other.

All names, experiences, and events have been changed and do not represent any one person.

How to Use This Book’s Tools

Each chapter ends with a step-by-step guide on how to utilize the process outlined in the chapter in your own life. It also provides a specific tool that you can add to what I affectionately call your Calm Kit, an ever-growing collection of calming tools that you can pull from to help ground you back into the present moment and begin to find calm amid the chaos.

The chapters at the end of each of the three parts—Chapters 4, 9, and 14—contain written meditations to help you move through the challenges presented in each chapter in that part. Reach for these meditations in times of need or incorporate them into your daily practice.

Additionally, Chapters 4, 9, and 14 provide you with a set of daily habits to help keep you grounded and prevent you from straying too far from a centered space of calm and stillness. These daily habits, along with the exercises found at the end of each chapter that create your Calm Kit, serve as inspiration to turn to when you begin to lose your way.

Preparing for Meditation

Meditation offers a variety of benefits for both mental and physical well-being. Regular practice can significantly reduce stress by lowering cortisol levels and promoting relaxation. It enhances focus and concentration, leading to improved productivity and cognitive function. Emotionally, meditation fosters stability, resilience, and inner peace, alleviating symptoms of anxiety and depression. It has also been shown to deepen self-awareness, helping practitioners better understand thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

The practice of meditation also aids in achieving better sleep quality by calming the mind and reducing racing thoughts. By strengthening the mind–body connection, meditation promotes holistic health and harmony between physical and mental states. Ultimately, meditation contributes to an overall improved quality of life by fostering mental clarity, emotional balance, and physical health.

A Note About Mindfulness-Based Practices

The mindfulness practices that I teach, including those rooted in Buddhist traditions, are adapted and practiced in a secular context. In secular mindfulness, the emphasis is on the practical application of mindfulness techniques for enhancing well-being, managing stress, and promoting emotional regulation; the aim is not to explore metaphysical realms or experiences, or religious or spiritual beliefs.

Although mindfulness-based practices originated in ancient traditions, secular mindfulness removes any religious or cultural context and focuses solely on the techniques themselves and their benefits. This approach allows individuals from diverse backgrounds to access and benefit from mindfulness without feeling the need to adhere to specific religious teachings or beliefs. By honoring and acknowledging the traditions from which these practices derive, while also offering them in a secular and accessible manner, I can ensure that mindfulness remains inclusive and applicable to all, regardless of their religious or cultural affiliations.

For beginners, sometimes the idea of meditation feels intimidating. The prospect of sitting in silence with one’s thoughts may evoke feelings of discomfort or uncertainty. However, it’s important to recognize that meditation doesn’t have to be complex or overwhelming. In fact, the simplicity of the practice is one of its greatest strengths.

At its core, meditation is about cultivating presence and awareness in the present moment. It’s not about emptying the mind or achieving a state of perfect calm; rather, it’s about observing the thoughts, sensations, and emotions that arise without judgment or attachment. Understanding this fundamental principle can help alleviate some of the anxiety beginners may feel about meditation.

To set yourself up for success with meditation, establish a consistent habit that fits into your daily routine. Start small, perhaps with just a few minutes of meditation each day, and gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable with the practice. Choose a time and place where you can meditate without distractions, and experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you.

Consistency is key when it comes to meditation. Just like any other skill, meditation requires practice and patience to develop. By committing to regular meditation practice, you can gradually build your mindfulness muscle and begin to experience the benefits of meditation in your daily life.

It’s also important to approach meditation with an open mind and a sense of curiosity. Don’t be discouraged by the inevitable distractions or challenges that may arise during meditation. Instead, view them as opportunities for growth and learning. Remember that meditation is a journey, and each moment of practice brings you closer to greater clarity, peace, and self-awareness.

Consider these six steps to help you create a consistent practice of meditation:

1. Find your space. Choose a quiet and comfortable space where you can practice meditation without distractions. This doesn’t need to be a dedicated meditation room, and you don’t need to purchase expensive meditation cushions. To this day I still sit on the edge of my couch for my meditation sessions. The important thing is to make sure that it’s somewhere where you feel relaxed and at ease.
2. Settle into a comfortable position. Find a comfortable seated position on a cushion, chair, couch, or bench. Keep your back straight—place a cushion behind you if you need the support—and rest your hands gently in your lap. You can also lie down if that feels more comfortable, although be mindful not to fall asleep.
3. Close your eyes or soften your gaze. During meditation, you can choose to either close your eyes or maintain a soft gaze looking downward without focusing specifically on anything, whichever feels most natural and safe for you. When I guide meditations, I tell people that it’s OK to meditate with open eyes, if closing their eyes does not feel safe or comfortable. If you choose to keep your eyes open, focus on a spot on the floor a few feet in front of you and allow your gaze to soften.
4. Take a few deep breaths. Take a few deep breaths to center yourself and bring your awareness into the present moment. Inhale deeply through your nose, feeling your abdomen expand, and exhale fully through your mouth, releasing any tension or stress you may be holding onto. If you need more focus, you can simply track each breath by silently saying “I am aware of my inhale, I am aware of my exhale.”
5. Let go of expectations. Release any expectations or judgments you may have about your meditation practice. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to...