Always Squeezing Lemons (eBook)

INTRODUCTION

On a scorching summer day, would you skip adding ice to your freshly squeezed lemonade?

If you say yes, you’re lying. Or, you live in the Arctic and don’t need to add ice to anything. The ice is the key; it’s the thirst-quenching element. Yes, you need the lemonade, but without the ice, is it as satisfying?

In a book, the introduction is the ice, and the rest of the chapters are the steps needed to make a tall, delicious glass of lemonade. You can skip reading it, but you won’t fully quench your thirst. You need ice to be satisfied.

So, do not skip the introduction, because you need to read it to understand how this book will help you.

That’s the only way you will be completely satisfied with this book.

So, let’s break the ice and take our first, thirst-quenching sip.

SUCCESS STARTS WITH YOU

It was 3:20 AM on a Wednesday in late July of 2020 when I woke up, grabbed my phone, and typed out the first real ideas for the book I had always wanted to write in my notes app. It had been almost four months since I left my eight-year relationship and three-year marriage, my loving dog, a thriving Pilates career, and decided to blow up my “perfect” life.

I was staying with one of my closest friends on St. Simons Island, Georgia. I slept in bed with her that night, and I can still vividly remember being wide awake and the weird clarity that came to me while I typed, lying there, until the sun came up.

My mind was racing, and I had to get my thoughts written down.

It had been a restless night—I had been thinking a lot about how I was feeling regarding my decision to leave, and I was finally able to start expressing those thoughts. Chills ran up and down my spine as thoughts and feelings seamlessly flowed into words in my notes. It was the first time I could see my unhinged words written down—I could also feel the connection between my words and the message I knew I wanted to continue to unfold and deliver.

I wanted to share what I was feeling on a large scale. I wanted to share my story in the pages of a book.

This energy and clarity came from the faith I had in myself that I could overcome anything, that it all started and ended with me, and that I would be always squeezing lemons.

I realized that no matter how much bullshit life had, I could always squeeze lemons to make lemonade. I was responsible for my actions and responses to make the most of whatever came my way. I made a conscious decision to remove negativity and move forward, prioritizing positivity.

I realized I could be the cause, problem, and solution for everything in my life, and my world changed. I am in control of my success, however I choose to define that, as well as my habits, thoughts, words, and actions.

Through this awareness, I recognized that by squeezing the lemons of my life, I was serving something greater.

When I had the idea to write Always Squeezing Lemons, I didn’t know what it would look like at the end. Now, I know it was to give back to others by sharing my experience, the knowledge I’ve gained, and the help I’ve been given by the loving and supportive people I’ve gathered around me throughout it all.

I learned to love, forgive, and admire myself in order to be able to do the same for others. And I captured it all in the pages of my journals.

Now you’re reading the edited versions of those early-morning musings in the pages of this book, Always Squeezing Lemons.

But let me back up a minute and give you a little more context.

In May 2020, when I was twenty-five, everything in my life changed. I was a Pilates instructor with a rigorous health and fitness routine, married, and living in Alexandria, Virginia. It was what many would consider a “picture-perfect” life, but I decided the life I had built with my now ex-husband wasn’t the right life for me. So, with $900 in my pocket, I left that life behind. My goals, what I wanted to accomplish, and my definition of success had changed. This book is about that journey.

Success is subjective. We can define it individually because there isn’t one title or achievement that encompasses it. As we change, so do our goals, accomplishments, and measurements of success. What is not changeable are the principles to achieve success, which always start with you.

If we want something greater for ourselves, however we define it, we must learn to overcome the obstacles and challenges that come with failure, hurt, and heartbreak.

Leaving a marriage and an entire life I had worked so hard to build could have been considered a failure. It was heartbreaking to leave that life—friends, colleagues, my dog, and even the man I had spent eight years with.

I felt suffocated. I knew I was capped out, and I was trying to be happy in a life that did not fit. I knew nothing would change unless I decided to do so. When I committed to moving on, it seemed sudden to everyone else, but for me, it had been building for years.

No one understood the depths of it, and I did not expect them to. I had support from family and close friends, and I was confident in myself and my decision—I felt freer than ever when I decided to move on. I can still feel the release I experienced when I finally committed to that decision.

I did not dwell on this, though, and have since spent my time cultivating resilience. With my new mindset adopted, I turned what would typically be seen (and even felt) as negative into a positive learning experience. I do not view pain, inconveniences, or failure as roadblocks, only speedbumps.

I keep going.

I’ve built a résumé of overcoming obstacles, and in turn, have built confidence knowing everything happens for a reason, and no matter what, I always have control over my responses. Like success, failure can be subjective. I do not focus on anyone else’s definition and stay true to my internal reference point.

We have to learn to become resilient and mentally strong enough to recognize the only control we ever have in any situation is our response.

What typically holds us back from mental resilience? Fear. Human nature seeks validation and recognition. It’s why we are hyper-focused on big wins but crumble at a loss.

We are scared of failure and judgment.

We are scared of change and discomfort.

We are scared of uncertainty.

We are scared of being alone.

We are scared of rejection.

We are scared of disappointment.

And we are scared of being imperfect.

For a long time, I was constantly scared of judgment and disappointment. That’s why I pursued a “picture-perfect,” status-quo life. I’m still a little scared of judgment and disappointment—I haven’t completely overcome these fears.

Writing this book brought up a lot of that fear: I hate to disappoint anyone I love and will sometimes compromise myself and my boundaries to make them happy. But what is different now is that I am aware of it. I know my response is in my control. I also know we are all experts in our own experience. We are all the same, but none of us live or experience life the same way. I’ve found a lot of confidence in this idea, and it has helped me overcome my greatest fears, rooted in things I have no control over.

(Except for my fear of toads. I hate the way they move; they are disgustingly huge to be able to hop that way. I legit lose my mind whenever I see a toad, and I don’t think I’m overcoming that fear anytime soon.)

We define our success, and it starts with facing these fears. It’s the only way to be unapologetically you.

SETBACK? COMEBACK.

This is not a how-to book about success. It is about the learning experiences, failures, mistakes, hurt, and heartbreak that inspired my resilience and mental grit. Mental grit includes passion and perseverance—a person with mental grit has the qualities to persevere and succeed in the face of adversity.

I have failed, I have experienced heartbreak, and I have learned a lot. I left my “perfect life” with less than $1,000 to my name.

I had no direction, but I did have mental grit.

And that led to my new definition of success. Less than three years later, I won the Top Sales Producer award for one of the largest land development companies in the country and have earned over seven figures in pure commissions—all before thirty. I became successful, but I don’t define it with what I accomplished financially—I define it by the strengths I was able to identify and capitalize on. With several other small and major wins—and a lot of mistakes, pain, and resilience in between—this book is about my wild journey, the lessons I learned, and how I turned a setback into a comeback.

Because I was stuck. My “perfect life” was only serving the life I thought I was supposed to live. The one that checked all the boxes.

But it wasn’t the life I wanted to live. I was scared for many reasons…until I wasn’t. (The fears did not go away—they’re all still there—but I’ve taken control of them.)

No matter how big or small the situation, we are typically holding back on ourselves out of fear of failure.

My fear of failure used to be based on validation, judgment, and someone else’s definition of success. Fear paralyzed me.

I...