Introduction

I don’t know the objective reason as to why we were put on this earth. I would never claim to know. I’m just a clueless traveler in this universe trying to find answers just as you are. I’ve always been an inquisitive soul with a heart for a great experience. When I was young, and even now, people would tell me that I have a very old soul. I was never sure what that had meant until now. After all the experiences I’ve been through, I’ve grown this ability to just take a single look at a person and tell, they’ve been through absolute hell. Those people tend to carry the most wisdom, they’ve made the most mistakes and learn from them. Those are the people that tend to be called old souls. I happen to be a person that many have seen the same look in. I don’t claim to be wise, if anything I’m ignorant and still clueless, but I have learned from my mistakes, and that’s all I can do. 

This book will walk you through my life as a spectator to see the major events I’ve experienced. Every experience I have ever been through I have done it with a goal in mind to make it into a learning experience. In doing that, when I mess up and fall, I can get up and prevent another fall. I may not be the smartest person on the planet, but I do know that I’ve been able to help people in many ways throughout my life, and I may be able to share some of that with the world using this book. I am everyone’s therapist, so it seems. I don’t mind this title, although it becomes hard when you yourself are going through hell and want nothing else but a rock to lean on. I like to think I’ve developed this ability by a life of introspection, I’m a thinker. I’ve spent ninety percent of my time thinking and ten percent speaking. I used this time thinking to really break down the world around me, break down relationships, morals, values and teachings. Comparing and contrasting beliefs has become my guilty pleasure in leisure. Sometimes I just stare at the ceiling for hours and just think about all the different perspectives and how they can be combined into objective belief. Now, of course, this is likely due to me having autism spectrum disorder, and that’s fine. I didn’t have many friends through school because I didn’t share my opinion. I watched others share their opinion and just based my beliefs off the objective wisdom of everyone around me, and this has allotted me a lot of freedom in my life to choose a path to take. It can be lonely to live simply listening all the time, and I’ve thankfully opened up a lot as of recently. Even given this, I’m thankful for the way my brain works, because without it, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

I truly believe there is an objective truth, a way of thinking and being that is superior to all the rest. All these teachings that have been passed down generation to generation, religion to religion and faith to faith are all a part of the same mission, living a peaceful and fruitful life. There can be wisdom gathered from every source in life. The wise watch, consider, never follow and always learn from the fool. I’ve been the fool, and I’ve been the wise, and you oftentimes learn more from taking the role of the fool that accepts wisdom rather than the counter. You learn from making stupid mistakes throughout your life. If you’re a person that spends every day telling people that you are perfect, have nothing to work on and you have everything figured out, then oftentimes you don’t realize you’re the fool in disguise. The wise considers himself the fool, while the fool considers himself the wise. Those who spend their life seeking knowledge and never consider their learning journey finished, will be the wisest people you will ever meet, and also the most humble.

Every experience I’ve been through has taught me something about living in general, and I’m thankful for every event I’ve lived through up to this point. Without experiencing loss, heartbreak, business failure, poverty, homelessness amongst many other things, I wouldn’t know all the things I know now. There’s a saying that goes, “If you touch the stove, you’ll get burned,” but through that, you learn and won’t do it again. I’ll tell you what, I’ve touched the stove countless times, too many times to count and I’m sure many can relate. That is what makes us human, and it’s what teaches us to be wise and learn from our mistakes. Touching the stove is only done by those with an inquisitive mind. The problem lies when you touch the same stove more than a couple times to learn that it’s hot. At this point you are just asking to have a life filled with pain and misery. I’m going to tell you in the chapters following, the way I was able to stop myself from repeating history. We’ve all done it, spent time with people that have the same personality traits as our ex who we miss oh so much, but you know deep down that person is not good for you. I’ve done it and you can’t say you haven’t, and it doesn’t have to just be regarding relationships. It can be starting another business using the same strategy you used with your previously failed business model. You cannot proceed with the same steps you used during a failed attempt unless you want another failed attempt.

I’m also going to be delving into religion, my faith, and where I stand on life as a whole. I grew up in a Christian household with a grandmother that used to take my sister and I to church and Sunday School every week. Although I had this influence, I never connected with the Christian faith, so I decided to do my own research into religion. I know the biblical stories of many religions at this point and my religion does not belong to any individual bible alone anymore. When I was a child, I was blessed to have such open-minded parents, and nobody truly pushed Christianity on us kids other than my grandmother. After she passed away, my mother still considered herself Christian, as did my father, but they would tell me that I can find my own faith. If I wanted to learn more about the Christian religion, they were there to teach me, but they would never push anything on me that I don’t believe. I was a very literal child, and as such, I tended to question everything, which a lot of times is a big no-no within many religions; “You don’t question the word of God”. In hearing this from others, you begin to question the very nature of the religion and its relation to basic science that we know and believe to be true. Especially when your voice is consistently suppressed by those that refuse to answer these questions you have. When you do this questioning, mind you, you begin to find holes in all the stories. You find more and more that the Christian bible is just a collection of hypocrisy disguised as teachings. The god of the Christian religion is a very selfish god, and yet loving. He’s a very judgmental god, yet he loves everyone equally; all this made no sense in my mind. I started to question all this as a child as all these bad things kept happening to me. I didn’t understand why. I would have panic attacks that were brought on by just being so pissed off at God, if there even were such a thing, because if there was, he hated me, my family and humanity as a whole. We’ve gone through so much as a people, and I never understood why a god would allow such things to happen to such innocent people that only want to see the best for the world around them. There is much more to explain later regarding this, but I unfortunately will not have the ability to thoroughly explain my religion in extensive detail within this book. I plan for my next book to be one regarding my faith so I can go into much more detail.

I also would like to mention that throughout my learning journeys, that I’ll go on to explain later, I’ve gone through these whilst experimenting with different psychedelic compounds. They truly made a huge difference in the ability for these learnings to remain instilled within my mind. I used to feel stuck and miserable, like my life was out of control; this freight train that no matter how many times I hit the brakes, it still barreled toward failure, but not after experimenting with psychedelics. I had wanted to try something new so I could figure out what I can do to open and change my mind in a way to allow for more joy out of life and to allow me to form habits easier. I had a friend that was living with me at the time that had access to psychedelic mushrooms, and he helped me attain, and try, said mushrooms. I had a wonderful experience where I was able to open my mind and see the whole world from a new perspective. I felt so much love, joy, hope and confidence once the experience was over. It wasn’t a temporary feeling either, this was a prolonged happiness that extended into my everyday life and made life truly enjoyable again. It was like I was given a new breath of fresh air and was shown just how beautiful the world is. This new perspective opened my eyes and after that I didn’t consider myself depressed ever again. I know it sounds like just a fallacy and it’s such a wild thing that it’s hard to believe. I’m telling you though, there was a point where I just couldn’t get out of bed because I was so depressed. I was calling out of work, crying all day, sleeping as much as I could, and my eating schedule was so sporadic that my digestive tract was going through hell week. I was able to solve all of this through introspective thinking and the use of different psychedelic compounds.

The nature of our reality is truly not as it seems. We are just monkeys that have developed tools to survive in this world around us. When we see a table in front of us, we aren’t seeing a table, hell we aren’t even seeing wood, we are seeing a mass of empty space that has a large number...