Lost and Found (eBook)

A Journey of Self Mastery

Daniel J. Blackburn (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2023 | 1. Auflage
204 Seiten
Riverplace Press (Verlag)
979-8-9862681-9-4 (ISBN)

This book takes you on a transformational journey. We follow the author from a point of complete frustration brings us towards acceptance and growth.

Dan was an award-winning leader and executive in the natural foods industry. Currently, he enjoys writing and working with people and organizations as an executive coach, yoga therapist, facilitator and speaker. Dan brings a wealth of experience to his work. He grew up in the resort/restaurant industry, welded, served in the USMC, worked in construction, inventory services, sold vacuum cleaners' door to door, painted, landscaped, delivery driver, sold life insurance and passed the series 6 & 63 securities exam, sold industrial automation, been a farrier (shoed horses), massage therapist and executive leader. He's an avid reader and lifetime learner. He loves cooking, hiking in the woods, fishing, riding bicycle, traveling and exploring museums and art. Dan graduated from high school in Pequot Lakes, MN. He's lived in Des Plaines, Los Angeles, and Raleigh with stops in Yuma, Memphis, and Japan. He now makes his home in St. Paul, MN with his wife Ann. They have three children and two grandchildren.

“Between every two pines is a

doorway to a new world”

— John Muir

Vacations are supposed to help people relax and rejuvenate. This one quite literally changed the direction of my life. But I had to make it through the uncomfortable part first, the part where my mind didn’t want to slow down and smell the roses. At times it felt like I was losing my mind. At least that’s how I felt the first few days of camping.

It wasn’t the place, it was me. The juxtaposition of moving at the speed of light in normal life to the sudden stop experienced at the campground wreaked havoc on my system. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to let go of the pace I’d been setting. I was used to having a busy schedule, with every minute of the day filled with work. I was constantly busy—always heading off to the next emergency. If there was an extra moment of spare time, it got filled with a quick cigarette while no one was watching.

The hectic schedule didn’t seem out of the ordinary to me. In fact, it was completely necessary. With blinders on, the only thing I paid attention to was whatever was right in front of me. I didn’t know what to do about the things beyond my field of vision, so it was better to keep them out of my view. It made things easier. Just keep the head down and lean in. Working hard to provide a better future for my family was all I knew.

A couple months earlier, during a month-long string of workdays without a break, my wife, Ann, had come as close to losing her temper as I’d ever seen. It took a lot to get her to that point.

“If this is what our life is going to be like,” she said, referring to my work schedule, “you might as well quit this job and find another. It’s not worth it.” At 5’6”, she appeared taller to me just then. Shoulder-length, dark brown hair seemed to spark in the gentle breeze. Her pale green eyes, normally calm and smiling, flashed with anger. She was fired up.

I couldn’t blame her. Fourteen-hour days had become a common theme the past couple of weeks. It’s not that I relished staying at work. The boys were growing fast and the woman I often called Sunshine deserved better than a vacant spot at the dinner table. Relief would come soon enough. Mark, my new associate store team leader, was finally in place and trained with the help of the team leaders.

Ann was right, though. Something had to change. This time it was an associate manager. Last time it was something else and there’d be a new emergency soon enough. She took the initiative and signed us up for vacation at a family campground. It would be our first real vacation in more than four years.

Someone had mentioned something about the adjustment period required to relax. I couldn’t remember who, but he said it would take about three days to adjust. Poker face skills were important during those first few days—appear relaxed and calm, master the look of being one with nature. I wore the calm and serene version of myself on the outside while inside was a different story. I was anxious, nervous about everything that could go wrong at the store, and the list was long—equipment failures, employee’s calling in sick, food safety issues, people safety, customer happiness, etc., were daily concerns, along with sales, profitability, and labor.

The boss seemed only to care about looking good on paper. Proving everything took up more time than necessary. Often, helping him look good meant doing extra busy work like answering the same questions two or three different ways for different people. All that extra work didn’t change the results. It didn’t even change my approach to the next financial reporting period. All it really did was give him talking points to use while wasting hours of my day.

I’d become hyper-vigilant at anticipating everything. It felt like being in a hamster wheel—a squeaky one. It was a rusty squeak that sounded off every time the wheel went around its axis. Annoying at first, I’d gotten used to it. Somehow the squeak became a regularly scheduled part of the day. That was a problem. I couldn’t hear the squeak at the campground and that meant something was wrong. My mind was searching for something wrong, like an invisible hand reaching out for something to grab onto. It constantly searched for the squeak that wasn’t here. A little voice inside my head sarcastically suggested maybe another week of vacation would make a difference, but he doubted it.

Those first days of vacation passed slowly, with the campground trail system being the only place available for me to release nervous energy and possibly sneak a cigarette. Wednesday arrived before I realized how gorgeous the cathedral of trees were as I walked hurriedly through them.

I swear I heard a voice calling out “the only one you’re fooling is yourself,” and it caused me to stop and look around. It was the stop I needed. Tall white pines, with their rough gray bark and long needles grouped in five, moved gently in the breeze. “Five letters in white, five needles on a white pine,” came a voice from my childhood. The smell of pine infused the air.

Beside and between the white pines stood red pine with smooth reddish gray bark and needle groups of three. “Three letters in red and three needles in a group,” the voice again reminded. These trees had been here the whole time and I’d missed their beauty until now. I was the one who hadn’t been present. After putting out my American Spirit, I sat down on a bench near me. It was a pause I needed to start seeing the world around me.

The bench offered a view of the lake. Native flowers of blue and white grew in the small open glen between the bench and the lake. Chickadees chirped chicka-a-dee-dee-dee repeatedly while a red squirrel sounded the alarm at my intrusion. It wasn’t something to fix and it didn’t have the same characteristics as a squeaky wheel, but it was something my mind attached itself to and was somewhat satisfied with.

The next couple of days were significantly different from the first few. Saying it felt like I woke up suddenly doesn’t exactly describe what this was. I was more aware, more present to what was right in front of me, and at the same time, I felt myself start to relax a bit. Ann noticed the difference right away.

“Welcome to camp,” she said, smiling with her head tilted slightly to the side. Her right eyebrow was always slightly higher than the left, giving her the look of constant curiosity combined with the joy of discovery all at once.

The boys noticed, too. I don’t know how, but they did. Both began asking me to watch them play with their friends or swim with them in Burntside Lake. Had they been asking me the whole time and I hadn’t noticed, like the pine trees? My internal critic voiced his opinion. He wasn’t kind. “Where the hell have you been?” I was used to the critic.

As the clarity of work lost its focus, family and camp moved front and center. Gabe, with his long thin legs, loved to run through the trails while playing with his new friends. At six years old, he was in constant motion. Bright green eyes wide with the sheer joy of movement, his quest for adventure had been tapped. He was in love with the great Northwoods.

At two and a half, Quinn often tried to follow Gabe before moving on to more fruitful activities, like taking all his clothes off while running up and down the beach. At times he’d run into the woods to hide. Never going far, he’d watch me in a game of hide and seek. His white hair always gave his position away.

Soon we were on the sixth day. A mix of feelings bubbled up. There was gratitude for the break and gratitude for the return. The boys were incredibly happy we came and sad to see it end. Ann and I seemed to share feelings of relief for a moment. Camping can be a lot of work.

Unbidden, from the back of my mind came a voice alerting me to all the things I’d need to do when we got home. After closing ceremonies, we took pictures, said our goodbyes, exchanged addresses, phone numbers, and promises to stay in touch with some of Gabe’s new friends. A touching moment in time. The boys had made some good friends. We’d met some nice folks as well, but I could feel the pull of work coming and tomorrow we’d be home.

We cleaned up the campsite, lit a fire, and got the boys ready for bed. Sleep didn’t come easily because they were excited and sad. Adventure had found them and they didn’t want to let it go. Eventually the sounds of camp turned from the cacophony of families packing up to the quiet of camp at dusk. Gabriel and Quinn found their next adventures in their dreams.

On the last night the adults took turns going to the sauna. Men went first this time. I kissed Ann and made my way down the path to the old building on the lake. It was dusk and the campground seemed almost still. Three rounds in a hot sauna, each round followed by a quick dip in the cool lake, would feel great tonight. Somehow the midweek sauna had been missed. There wouldn’t be another chance this time. I’d never been in a sauna like this before, but I’d heard a lot about it.

A great sauna is like a deep cleansing of the soul. The sauna at the campground was indeed rare. It was old and well cared for. The building was small and...

Erscheint lt. Verlag	7.8.2023
Sprache	englisch
Themenwelt	Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Beruf / Finanzen / Recht / Wirtschaft
ISBN-13	979-8-9862681-9-4 / 9798986268194

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