Where the MEAN GIRLS Go - Laura Downey Hill

Where the MEAN GIRLS Go (eBook)

The Complicated & Hurtful Relationships Between Women

Laura Downey Hill (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2023 | 1. Auflage
160 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
979-8-3509-1167-1 (ISBN)

We learn as little girls that the measure of our success is popularity rather than being okay with our uniqueness. The laws of the playground have influenced the women we are today and the type of women we form friendships with. Laura shares memorable stories and hard-earned lessons about the often hurtful relationships between women. The book is full of honesty, humility, humor and self-reflection. Women can be very cruel to each other. We have all been left out, not picked, and not invited. We have been the subject of giggling, gossiping and pointing. Mean girls are not solely guilty of the occasional snub or slight, we have all been unkind to another woman, but there is purposeful planning that seems to define mean girls. They delight in causing discomfort and emotional anguish, and it always is aimed at other women. This book is full of stories, every woman will be able to relate to and learn from. Unfortunately, women's harshest critics are other women. All too often it is women elbowing us, labeling us, and creating obstacles to our success. Boys ignore us, girls score us; it is the playground mindset. An inspiring and honest read, no matter your age.

We learn as little girls that the measure of our success is popularity rather than being okay with our uniqueness. The laws of the playground have influenced the women we are today and the type of women we form friendships with. Laura shares memorable stories and hard-earned lessons about the often hurtful relationships between women. The book is full of honesty, humility, humor and self-reflection. Women can be very cruel to each other. We have all been left out, not picked, and not invited. We have been the subject of giggling, gossiping and pointing. Mean girls are not solely guilty of the occasional snub or slight, we have all been unkind to another woman, but there is purposeful planning that seems to define mean girls. Mean girls delight in causing discomfort and emotional anguish, and it always is aimed at other women. This book is full of stories, every woman will be able to relate to and learn from. Unfortunately, women's harshest critics are other women. All too often it is women elbowing us, labeling us, and creating obstacles to our success. Boys ignore us, girls score us; it is the playground mindset. An inspiring and honest read, no matter your age.

I grabbed a table right in the middle of the busy restaurant; maybe I wanted to be totally enveloped by the buzz from the tables hugging in around me; maybe I secretly wanted to be sure everyone saw me with girlfriends, chatting and laughing. The charming little pizza and wine bar was a cool spot to be seen; every town has a place like this. Eclectic sofas and mismatched chairs cozied up to round wooden tables, with a black and white hexagon tiled floor designed to look old and oversized art hanging from every inch of the cloth-covered walls. Sinatra tunes punctuated the noisy lunch crowd. A place you would love to sit and people watch, but even better to be seen – seen with friends. The table was a statement; I was not an interloper, I belonged. I was part of a growing community, a volunteer, a PTO mom, a business owner, and a city councilmember.

I grew up always being the new kid. It seemed like I would finally make friends only to have my parents announce that dad was being transferred, again. My childhood memories do not include old friends. Two elementary schools, two middle schools and two high schools. My parents even moved while I was away at college. I had to google the towns I lived in to see what the names of my schools were. The constant moving does not allow for meaningful connections, so why invest in the short term? You will always end up disappointed. I grew up being a worrier. Would we move before summer sleepovers, birthday parties, homecoming dances, football games, graduation? The only yearbooks I have are the three that mark the longest I ever went to one school. By the time I got to Cumberland Valley High School in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania, I was entering the 10th grade. Now as I flip through those old high school yearbook pages, the 2x2 pictures of my classmates draw a blank – until my eyes settle on one of the mean girls. We never forget the mean girls. They grow up, move on, and move away. And just like that, I realize – I know where the mean girls go.

It was Friday so the restaurant was pulsing to a sound all its own. I felt excited anticipating the great hour and a half ahead. The usual greetings echoed all around as colleagues and friends rushed in to join their lunch dates. Noticing the clinking of wine glasses, my eyes drift over to a table of three young women in cute tennis outfits toasting to a match well played. A fourth player snaked hurriedly through the packed room reaching the table, full of apologies for running late. The waiter drifts from their table to ours. Two ice teas, sweet with extra lemon, a diet coke and one large pizza with everything on it; hold the anchovies. Those first ten minutes are full of laughter as we catch up; it has been too long. Note to self, it is always too long between making time to relax with friends. Our boys were in high school together, good friends. Conversation slowly rolled from kids to sports, to grades and college trips. Our large pizza was delivered at the same time as the pizza for the cute tennis moms. At our table we immediately reached to grab a piece; our hands did a dead stop; plain cheese?! There is no way we would ever waste calories on a plain pizza. The waiter realized the mix-up and quickly scrambled to retrieve the errant pizza before anyone grabbed a slice. I looked over and noticed that the tennis gals had not made any movement toward our pizza; they were head-to-head in serious conversation. Yes, I stared; I was watching our pizza, closely. It was obvious that their conversation had shifted to more serious matters. Yes, nosey me was wondering what they were discussing. All I could gather was the leader of the group was angry at some poor ‘her’. Our large pizza with everything, hold the anchovies, finally arrived. We were quick to reach for a slice. I asked for another diet coke as I heard the next table tell the waiter that they were ready for another bottle of wine. One of the gals pushed back from the table announcing loudly that she was headed to the lady’s room. She turned to remind her three cohorts, “We are done with her; I never liked her anyway. You need to stop calling and texting her.” My girlfriends froze as we each raised our eyebrows, secret language for ‘this is getting good.’

Whatever had caused the offense was not up for discussion. Obviously, this was not the first time they had been given marching orders. I felt like I should be nodding too; the final sentencing had been delivered. My friends and I drifted back to our conversation and lost track of the saber rattling at the next table. Forty-five minutes later chairs started scraping the tile floor and rushed voices at their table announced it was time to get in the carpool line. The second bottle of wine was finished; the pizza was missing a single piece. Who does that? Who wastes a whole pizza? Yes, in the back of my mind I wanted to ask for a to-go box. And yes, I was certainly judging the liquid lunch. As the ladies passed our table, two of them smiled ever so slightly at me and nodded in recognition. I knew them in passing; many might consider them cool girls. I wondered what people would think if they were privy to their treatment of ‘her’? Childhood playground memories flooded back. Three of them are followers; the leader is a mean girl – all grown up.

Women can be very cruel to other women. We have all been left out, not picked, not invited. We have been the subject of giggling and pointing. Mean girls are not solely guilty of the occasional snub or slight. There is purposeful planning that seems to define mean girls; they appear to lack empathy but worse they relish causing discomfort and emotional anguish in others, and it always is aimed at other women. Yes, for a split second, I wanted to say something, admit my eavesdropping, and defend poor ‘her’ who would never see the ax fall. She had crossed a mean girl. But I said nothing. I simply made a mental note, this was a group of women I would try to avoid. One of my girlfriends said, “Now I know who not to mess with.” We left our lunch still chatting and looking forward to our next time together. When we hugged goodbye, I sensed that we valued our friendship a little more. A poor woman named ‘her’ reminded us how important female friendships are. Surround yourself with friends who lift you up, show grace and understanding, and are quicker to forgive you than to banish you. I had grabbed that table in the middle of the restaurant because I wanted to show off my friendships; instead, I witnessed how mean women can be. Years later our paths would cross again, but I would be ready.

As a much older and wiser woman, I have watched the ebb and flow of friendships. Some were my own; some were others’. Once or twice, I have been stuck in the middle of a girlfriend dustup. Tread carefully if you get involved with a group of three! Through decades of business, volunteering, raising kids, and serving as an elected official, I have often felt transported back in time to the playground where awkward girls like me tiptoed around the mean girls. It is a dynamic that is real. It is as old as time. Girls love cliques but often the price of admission is following the leader’s rules – always. The cohesiveness of the clique forms an invisible barrier that the uninvited girls dare not cross. Protecting the group means protecting the power structure; every member has her role and with it comes clout. I was always one of the girls on the outside who desperately wanted to be invited in. It never happened, not even once. My clique became the wannabes – ironic! If you cannot get in the group, form your own. I believe in that still today. I have many adult friends who were that same girl as me. There were many more of us on the outside than those on the inside. Now that the years have gone by, we laugh at our methods for trying to infiltrate. No one grew up without coming face to face with a mean girl.

Mean girls exist, it is a fact, and it is often a learned behavior. Whether your first encounter was at 10, 15, 20 or 50, we have all gotten in the crosshairs of a mean girl. When I was growing up, every kid in school knew who they were, and so did the parents. Decades later, when my own children were in school, parents started using terms like spirited, overactive, precocious. A new generation of parents who did not want their child’s mean behavior to reflect poorly on them found it easier to make excuses than deal with the problem. Mean was just a phase, until it became their normal. I had a friend who excused every mean thing her daughter did blaming it on the fact that her daughter was an only child. When too many other parents started to push back, the child was transferred to a private school. For months the gal praised her daughter’s new school; her daughter was ahead of her peers in maturity. She had been bored in public school. Well at least according to her mom. Then one day the private school called. Her daughter was a bully. Today bully is the word everyone runs from; again, parents make excuses, blame it on a phase or, whenever possible, it is someone else’s fault. By excusing mean behavior, we are giving kids a pass. If as parents we cannot admit to the small things and try to fix them, how will we ever deal with the big things? Take the blinders off; stop making excuses when your children are young and more easily corrected. Yes, kids do bad things, the wrong things, sometimes they bully and sometimes they are mean. We as parents are responsible for calling our child’s behavior what it is and dealing with it. No one will ever make...

Erscheint lt. Verlag	1.8.2023
Sprache	englisch
Themenwelt	Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Partnerschaft / Sexualität
ISBN-13	979-8-3509-1167-1 / 9798350911671

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