Be Hopeful, Be Strong, Be Brave, Be Curious

RUTH S. PEARCE, PMP, JD, is an executive coach who is passionate about personal development for all—regardless of job title. She came to coaching after becoming dissatisfied with her 25-year career in project and program management. Now, she encourages others to embrace the dark and light sides of life through her successful international coaching practice.

Foreword xv

Introduction xix

Section 1 Starting with Who You Are 1

Chapter 1 Finding Meaning & Purpose: Inspiration 3

The Meaning of Meaning 3

Case Study: Tegan 4

Finding Inspiration 5

What Is Meaning? 7

So, What Is Meaning? 8

Why Does Having a Sense of Meaning Matter? 8

Meaning Is Personal and Not Always Constant 9

What Are Some Ways to Find My Meaning? 10

Who Are You in This Life? 12

Starting at the Beginning 12

What Does All That Mean? 15

Case Study: Tegan 16

Values 17

Character Strengths, Motivation, and Engagement 18

Chapter 2 In Your Own Way: Normalization 21

Being in Your Own Way 23

Case Study: Tegan & Jamal 24

Normal vs. Average 25

Normal vs. Universal 26

Doing in Your Own Way 27

Psychological Flexibility 27

Case Study: Tegan 28

An Aside on the Opportunities of Groups 29

Chapter 3 Getting Out of Your Own Way: Improvisation 33

Reason and Emotion 34

Accepting Conflicting Truths 36

Case Study: Tegan 37

What If Every Choice Is Right— and Wrong? 39

There Is No Magic Recipe for Success 41

It Is Not Just the Client That Must Get Out of the Way 44

Recommendation 1 45

Recommendation 2 46

Recommendation 3 46

Recommendation 4 46

Where We Are Going Next 49

Section 2 Launching the Journey to Your Future 51

Chapter 4 Appreciating the Coaching Journey: Co-Creation 53

Case Study 54

Is a Coach Even Necessary? (Or Can I Coach Myself?) 54

The Role of the Coach 57

The Coaching Agenda 60

A Sounding Board 64

A Truthteller 65

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real 66

An Accountability Partner 67

Case Study: Tegan 68

Being a Coaching Client 69

Chapter 5 Being Hopeful: Expectation 71

Focusing on Hope 71

Defining Hope 72

Elementary Time Travel 74

A Small Amount of Brain Science 75

Visualizing Outcomes 76

Seeing Pathways 79

Choosing Your Actions 79

Handling Disappointment 80

Interactions of Hope with Other Strengths 81

Case Study: Jamal 82

Cultivating Hope 84

Case Study: Jamal 84

Hope Is Not Just for Individuals 85

Chapter 6 Being Strong: Motivation 87

Strengths as Pathways to Motivation 87

Character Strengths 101 88

Strengths- Spotting in Coaching 89

Character Strengths as Core Motivators 90

Some Thoughts About Motivation 91

Case Study: Tegan 92

Assessments vs. Storytelling 96

Case Study: Tegan 96

Knowing Your Strengths 98

What Else Do You Need to Know About Strengths? 100

The Golden Mean 100

The Art of Balancing 103

SEAing Is Believing 104

There Is No Right Answer: What the Coach Sees 106

Bringing It Back to Motivation 107

Chapter 7 Being Brave: Conversation 109

Being Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable 110

Doubt and Bravery 110

What the Research Tells Us 112

Getting Specific 114

Changing the Narrative with Coaching 116

Reframe #1: I Will Cope 116

Reframe #2: Feeling Bad Is Good 118

Reframe #3: Bravery Can Be Developed a Little at a Time 119

Case Study: Jamal 120

Reframe #4: Bravery Is Sometimes Knowing When to Say No 122

Fired Up with Curiosity 124

Chapter 8 Being Curious: Exploration 125

What Is Curiosity? 126

Matchmaking in Coaching and Other Helping Situations 128

Case Study: Tegan 128

Why Curiosity Is Powerful 130

Case Study: Jamal 132

Why Curiosity Can Be Too Much 133

Curiosity as the Antithesis of Mindfulness 133

Curiosity as Overcompensation for Nerves 136

Cultivating Healthy Curiosity as a Coach 137

Cultivating Healthy Curiosity as a Client 138

The Interaction of Client and Coach 139

Case Study: Tegan 141

Being Curious About Curiosity 144

Section 3 Moving (Closer) to Who You Want to Be 147

Chapter 9 Creating Your Meaningful Life: Transformation 149

Incidental Coaching 150

Is Meaning Found or Created? 151

Discoveries You Would Have Made Anyway— Eventually 153

Case Study: Jamal 154

And Discoveries That Might Have Remained Hidden 156

Sometimes It Is About Recognition 156

Being Clear About the Value of Transformation 158

Being Open to Surprises 160

Coaches Transform Too 162

Some Last Thoughts on Meaning and Transformation 162

Chapter 10 Conclusion: Choosing Your Next Act: Intention 165

Revisiting Being Open to Surprises 166

Surprises Invite Us to Take a Fresh Perspective 167

Taking Stock 168

Being Hopeful 168

Being Strong 168

Being Brave 169

Being Curious 169

Moving Forward with Intention— and Action 170

Immediate Intention 170

Habit Forming and Building 171

Medium-Term Intention 172

Long-Term Intention 172

Launch Your Meaningful Life 173

Afterword— AI: Next‐Level Coaching or Ethical No‐no? 175

Appendix A Core Competencies for Clients 191

Appendix B Tegan’s Profile 197

Appendix C Jamal’s Profile 199

Appendix D What to Ask a Potential Coach 201

Appendix E Is It Time for a Change? Is This a Coaching Moment for You? 205

How Often and How Long? 206

Readiness for Change 207

Are You Ready for Coaching? 209

Acknowledgments 211

About the Author 215

About the Book Advisory Board 217

Index 223