Spare Me 'The Talk'! (eBook)

Chapter 3

Body Issues and Body Image

Body Issues

Menstruation is the shedding of the blood and membrane that would have formed the nourishing home in the uterus for an embryo to grow into a fetus. Once you begin menstruation, each month that you do not get pregnant, the unused lining is sloughed off in the form of a bloody discharge. Menstruation (also called a “period”) is considered the beginning of the menstrual cycle. Periods are only part of a fairly-complex, physical and emotional cycle that happens every month for almost everyone with a uterus, between puberty and when menstruation stops at around age fifty (called “menopause”).

The word “period” is one of many nicknames for menstruation. Some terms can imply shame or embarrassment, and some are code words that families have adopted to help with conversations. Here’s a list of menstruation euphemisms that women-identified people have shared with me, which can help bring a little humor and empowerment to a process that (though it can help you feel grown up and connected to your body) can sometimes leave you feeling unsettled, awkward, and out of control.

• Aunt Flo
• The bleedies
• Code red
• Cousin from the south
• The dot
• Girly flu
• Leak week
• Little visitor
• Monthlies
• On the dot (or on the rag)
• Red week
• Special time
• Surfing the crimson wave
• That time of the month
• Wetting the rag

Regardless of any teasing that may come from other people, there is zero shame in the fact that you have a vagina, zero shame that you have hormones and body parts that make you the person you are, and zero shame that your period is evidence of that. Be proud of yourself. Own it and call it whatever you want.

Your cycle, period, or whatever you decide to call it, is the time between the start of one bleeding period and the start of the next bleeding period. These cycles typically last twenty-eight days, but can vary from person to person. In fact, for the first handful of years a person’s cycle can be quite flexible ranging anywhere from three-ish to six-ish weeks.

The actual menstrual phase (when the blood comes) can last from two days to about a week, depending on the person. The discharge (or flow) can be light or heavy, can stop and start, and the thickness and color can change as well. It is more than just blood, there’s other stuff, too, like unneeded or unused tissue and other fluids.

Ovulation (the release of an egg from the ovaries) occurs around day fourteen of the cycle. This is called the proliferative phase, when hormones trigger the release of an egg, which then begins to make its way toward the uterus. The egg moves down one of the fallopian tubes and reaches the uterus two to three days later.

People with uteruses are typically most fertile (most likely to get pregnant) between day ten and day eighteen of your menstrual cycle, when the lining of the uterus starts to thicken to prepare for any fertilized eggs that may happen along. This is the secretory (or luteal) phase, which gets the uterus ready for the egg (should it happen to be fertilized by the sperm it’s looking for). The entire ecosystem of a uterus shifts to accommodate a fertilized egg that might arrive, so it can implant on the wall of the uterus and start growing a baby.

If there is no fertilized egg, the uterus cleans house: The thickened lining of endometrium the uterus created to nourish the embryo gets flushed out (this is the actual period substance itself), and another cycle begins.

Typically, first periods occur around age twelve or thirteen. However, some people can begin having periods as young as eight years old, and others may not start until they’re sixteen.10 Most first periods are a surprise and can show up at any time. Once menstruation begins, it continues until menopause occurs (around the age of fifty), when a woman’s monthly menstrual cycle changes and eventually ends.

Accidents happen on occasion. Having a change of clothes in your locker, desk, or the trunk of your car can be a good idea. Stains can be a bummer but are not a big deal. Typically, a mix of cold water and soap will take care of them, though for more stubborn stains, mixing in a bit of hydrogen peroxide, salt, or baking soda should do the trick.

Despite the presence of blood, there is no actual wound, although many people experience muscle pain, cramping, and discomfort during their periods. This can often be worse during adolescence. And period blood does not just flow freely out of someone as it would with an actual wound, either. People can discharge between 4 and 12 tablespoons each cycle11, spread out over two to seven days during each cycle.

Myths and misunderstandings about menstruation abound. Regardless of what you’ve heard, these are the facts:

• Not all women have periods.
• Some men have periods too (if you have a uterus, you can have a period).
• Periods are the start of puberty (most people begin noticing other changes before their first period).
• People can have sex during a period (though some people choose not to).
• People can get pregnant during your periods. Use contraception.
• Periods typically last only a few days, but sperm can survive for as long as five days.
• Missing a period does not necessarily mean someone is pregnant, stress, illness, and changes in weight and nutrition can all impact menstruation.
• Sharks and bears will not attack someone just because they are menstruating.
• People cannot control the flow of their period (or “hold it in”) with will power or physical effort (like you can with urine).

Some people have cycles that are “regular” — always roughly the same length, about the same flow — and some do not. Either way, it can be helpful to keep track of your cycle, using a calendar or an app. Tracking your cycle can help you

• prepare for the physical and emotional effects that come with your period,
• track your fertility, knowing which days of the month you are most (or least) likely to get pregnant,
• notice any changes or issues that may require a doctors’ visit,
• notice any missed or late periods as soon as possible,
• get early warning — which can be important if you are one of those people whose periods can be particularly difficult, and may require extra rest and self-care, or avoidance of certain things (or people!)

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and premenstrual tension (PMT) include a range of symptoms that happen during the time between ovulation and menstruation. Most woman-identified people (approximately 85%12) experience some symptoms of PMS/PMT. These symptoms are usually predictable and most often occur in the days just before a period.

The most common symptoms include

Things that can help:

• Comfy clothing. A go-to “uniform” can be both comfortable and comforting.
• Mind your cravings. Sugar, salt, and caffeine (although they can sound like a great idea in the moment) can exacerbate some PMS/PMT symptoms, making symptoms such as fatigue, bloating, and headaches worse. Try to eat them sparingly, or better yet, stick to protein and fresh fruits and veggies.
• Good chocolate (not milk chocolate!). Chocolate containing 60% or more of cacao can improve your mood, reduce cravings and stress, and give you a dose of magnesium, which can help with cramping.
• Water.
• Water.
• Water.
• Exercise. Keeping your body moving (even if you feel like just lying on the floor) can release endorphins, which can improve your mood and provide a nice distraction.
• Pain relief. Ibuprofen or acetaminophen can reduce muscle soreness caused by cramping. So can having an orgasm (either with a partner or just by yourself).
• Heat. Heating pads, blankets, oversize mugs of tea, and even small animals to cuddle with can help keep your abdomen warm and soothed.
• Be nice to yourself. If lying around in a giant sweater with your hair in a ponytail, binge-watching mid-’90s teen dramas does it for you, then do it! people with uteruses could theoretically spend the equivalent of six years of their life menstruating13. Use your periods as cue to do self-care.

Menstrual products. Although periods typically may only mean a few ounces of fluid discharged per day, you still need to manage it, and there are several ways to do this....