Holy Marriage, Happy Marriage - Chris Padgett, Linda Padgett

Holy Marriage, Happy Marriage (eBook)

Faith-Filled Ways to a Better Relationship

Chris Padgett, Linda Padgett (Autoren)

eBook Download: EPUB

2023 | 1. Auflage
160 Seiten
Servant (Verlag)
978-1-63582-474-2 (ISBN)

What makes for a long-lasting, thriving marriage, one that's not only holy but also happy? Chris and Linda Padgett first shared the story of their courtship in Not Ready for Marriage, Not Ready for Sex, and now, after twenty-one years of marriage, they're back with another lively look into what they've learned along the way. The Padgetts have had their share of ups and downs, and they know from experience how a strong faith creates a strong relationship. Their individual perspectives go beyond pop theories to explore the results of faithfully practicing mutual respect, solid commitment, and open communication with your spouse over the long haul. With humor, honesty, and personal stories, they offer hope for even the most challenging relationship.

Prelude

The landscape of marriage and family is very diverse today, and there are many reasons for this. We will try to make a brief mention of some family variables that different readers will have, keeping in mind that some people who purchase this book will have already had marriages end in divorce or death, while some have just recently gotten engaged and are hoping to start out on the right foot. While we can’t fix what has already been broken, knowing why we have struggles and what makes our marriages so unique can help.

We will look at a few of the common factors couples have as they come into marriage and explore some of the reasons why we approach things the way we do. This is a book that would have been very helpful for us when we first got married, since most of the resources then were pretty outdated and seemed to be unrealistic. But this book is also very practical and informative for those who, like us today, have been married for quite some time. What we are saying is that, wherever you are on your marriage journey, you’re going to love this book!

Some Common Factors

Marriage has regularly been respected and found to be essential in most every culture throughout time, yet there are things anyone getting married will have to tackle. Here are a few of them:

Preconceived Ideas about Marriage. Usually, both people have an idea of what a marriage is supposed to look like. In the past, it was what they saw modeled by their parents, but today the media and certainly Hollywood are instead laying a foundation for the couple at an early age, setting expectations for not only the big day itself, but for marital life. This needs to be addressed even before the couple say “I do” in order to have a healthy marriage.

Our Brokenness, Weakness, and Emptiness (Baggage). Every man and woman entering into marriage brings a lot more to the union than clothes and furnishings. Each person has a past, and skeletons hidden in the closet have an uncanny way of making appearances at very awkward moments. Spouses need to be aware of the lives lived before they are united in matrimony if they plan to have a marriage that endures the test of time.

Societal and Religious Expectations. Every marriage is impacted by societal and religious expectations, even if the couple does not adhere to those religious tenets. If you are Catholic and suddenly decide to marry someone who is Jewish, we can guarantee that you will find yourself having certain difficult conversations with extended family members. If you are in a society that places a lot of importance on your elders, and you suddenly have a ceremony without their being given proper respect, it is going to cause a certain amount of distress.

Family Dynamics (Overbearing in-laws, Role of Extended Family, Location). This issue is certainly very obvious to anyone who is married, and you would do well to consider this if you have not yet set the date. Your ignorance of the many family pressures and numerous variables will not change your love for each other, but it is worth recognizing and discussing together so that you can be united against known difficulties.

Different Personalities (Type A / Easygoing). Notice we didn’t say multiple personalities. We all have a different way that we approach life, and this is very true within marriages. No matter where you’re from, you don’t always approach life in the same way as your spouse just because you are married and living under the same roof. These differences of personalities are very important to understand when you look into and work to live out the beauty of marriage.

Dreams and Goals. Often it is the sharing of dreams and goals that can unite a couple in the first place, and as you will read later in this book, we consider this a very important virtue to continue to foster if you want your marriage to be a success. It is true and good to pursue some common dreams, regardless of your religion, financial status, or age.

Expectations of the Role of the Feminine/Masculine. This can be a factor in every culture. Often the differences in man/woman roles explain why certain struggles are found in marriages.

All of these factors can be evident in any marriage—Christian or not. But how will the common factors of marriage be better understood within the context of Christianity? In this book, you will see that there is grace and beauty in the way that Christ has an impact within marriage and family. First and foremost, our Christian faith places these factors within a context of love, which often gives great potential for sanctity in otherwise difficult scenarios.

Avoiding Stereotypes

Finally, although there are common factors that can affect marriages, it is important not to fall into stereotypes and clichés that may have a negative impact on the journey of a marital couple. What will help in our discussion of successful marriages is not a bumper-sticker spirituality, but something solid and proven, even in this day and age of gadgets and gimmicks. We surely can think of a few stereotypes concerning marriage that do not hold much weight in helping a couple endure the test of time.

One such example of a stereotype in marriage is the family comparison: a man marrying someone like his mother and a woman wanting to marry a man like her father. Now, my wife is wonderfully capable and independent, and so is my mother, but that may be where most similarities end. And I can see very little about me in Linda’s father, except a tenacious and ferocious love for my family. Sometimes I wonder if we simply use this example as an excuse for lazy behavior.

A mother who was so nurturing, loving, and quiet, all the while keeping a perfectly clean house, is certainly wonderful, but her approach may not work for your wife who now has seven boys who feel it is their duty to unfold each linen, unpack each drawer, and understandably drive their mother crazy. A father who was capable of fixing every broken faucet, bike, or boo-boo and still playing catch in the afternoons may have been a wonderful gift to you as a child, but this may be an almost impossible expectation for your husband, who is not mechanically inclined and has to work two jobs in order to make ends meet. Your family unit is unique to your experience, and family comparisons can become difficult to uphold. Stereotypes usually do more harm than good.

Another stereotype that couples often fall into is the false notion that certain domains and tasks are for one gender and not the other. Her place is in the kitchen and laundry room, while his place is in the garage and workplace. This is advocated by both the media and some couples, and it can be divisive and detrimental to a couple’s growth. For a husband to decidedly insist that he will not change a baby’s diaper because that is a job for a woman is basically an excuse for selfishness. It may be a couple’s pattern that the husband works, the wife has the dinner ready for him when he comes home, and he relaxes with a drink in front of the television while she cleans up, but this isn’t usually a recipe for success.

In my home, I’ll cook the food if it is a grilling night, and not because my wife is incapable of doing such a manly job! Actually she helps me put the thing together. I should rephrase this: I help her put it together. Actually, she put most of it together, and I think my daughter’s boyfriend helped. Okay, so maybe I was watching television when it was being prepared. The point is, the question shouldn’t be whether something is a man’s job or a woman’s job; rather, the question should be about what needs to be done and how a spouse can help. It’s all about serving each other and our families.

Of course, sometimes this works better than others. I remember once when my father came to visit, he wanted me to help him unload the dishwasher so my wife didn’t have that on her list of things to do. We both managed to get everything into a cupboard and drawer—a routine that happened for a few days. When my father left my wife told me that I wasn’t allowed to do the dishes because the last few days had resulted in her not being able to find a single item in her kitchen when she needed it!

In our family, Linda rarely likes to drive if I am home. In fact, her comment has been: “I have the babies, you drive the car.” We have kept with that philosophy over the years, especially since I am unable to trade places with her. But this doesn’t mean that driving is only a man’s job or that she doesn’t drive; in fact she does so constantly. The point is, a husband always need to be asking himself: “How can I help my wife?” It is all about giving of ourselves and about making the family work and function in a manner that flows with our goals and dreams.

The final example of stereotypes couples can fall into is the odd idea that a good marriage is one where the union is between two unlikely people because opposites attract. When I was young, Lyle Lovett married Julia Roberts, and I think the question the entire world was asking was: “Really? What does she see in him?” We all knew what he saw in her, but good grief.

Yes, there are certainly times when two people who are truly opposites find that their relationship just works. Possibly they see in the other qualities they wish they had in themselves, or they find an admirable quality and character that is out of their reach....

Erscheint lt. Verlag	24.1.2023
Sprache	englisch
Themenwelt	Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Partnerschaft / Sexualität
ISBN-10	1-63582-474-5 / 1635824745
ISBN-13	978-1-63582-474-2 / 9781635824742

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