Fuck Aging (eBook)

Introduction

Okay, I might as well address the big OMG in the room now so we can get on with it. What was I thinking with a title like Fuck Aging? You might be saying, “Isn’t that illegal or something? How can I have a book with that title on my bedside table? What will people think? I will have to wrap it in brown paper. We’re not supposed to say that word, are we?”

And that is my point. People tell us what to wear, think, eat, exercise, do, and say just because we are “older.” First of all, they lump everyone from fifty or sixty to holy-shit old into the same group. Well, that’s like saying someone who is twenty is just like someone who is sixty. I don’t think so.

As I have learned, and as I hope you will too, you have to let all of that misguided advice go, like pasta water through a sieve, leaving only the good stuff. And the good stuff is the authentic you. Let the bad stuff wash over you and go down the drain.

But the thing that clinched the title for me was when I was hanging out with a bunch of friends (yes, maybe there was wine) and we were talking about people saying, “You don’t look your age.” Now, I know that is supposed to be some kind of compliment, but really, what the hell does it mean? Based on what? Did I miss the memo about what I was supposed to look like at a certain age? Does a comparison hologram magically pop up and, oops, yes you do look good for your age? Did you get that memo? And I want to say “good compared to who?” Your Aunt Mildred or Uncle Louie or maybe your neighbor or that movie star. Where is this coming from? Anyway, the wine was flowing and we were falling off our chairs laughing and comparing notes when we all said, at the same time, “Fuck aging.” How could I not honor that sweet revelation? But I digress.

Ask yourself if you are ordinary, wishy-washy, or wimpy. Are you happy just taking up space? Of course not, because if you were, you wouldn’t be reading this book! Especially not with that title.

This book is not for people who don’t want to change. It will be confrontational, challenging, and direct. It has a lot of swear words, plus it asks you to do a shit ton of hard work. You have to do the work; it is a must. You will get shaken, stirred, and hung out to dry. The good news is that you are only one book (this book) away from a totally different life and way of living over sixty! Or any age at which you want to start over, actually.

People over sixty often feel discouraged and brushed aside. They feel they aren’t respected, and they definitely feel they’re not heard. Many people have told me they feel invisible. Add that to the anxiety about whether they will be able to afford healthcare or have money for other things they need and you end up with a gloomy future.

This book will address many ways to gain respect, be heard, and make a difference. It will show you how to get organized, maximize your time, and use the knowledge you have to move forward and find a new purpose for living and helping others. You will read the stories of people who have struggled with some of the same issues you are facing and learn how they stayed motivated to reach their goals.

Anything worth doing requires movement and change. I have lived a long life. As I write this book, I am seventy-six years young. But it wasn’t until I put in the work around age sixty that my life shifted. I am now living a kick-ass second half of my life, and I couldn’t be happier. Or wait, maybe I could be… There is always more work to be done.

Let me tell you that when I started this journey, I had no idea what I was doing or how to figure it out. I remember reading something about standing on the shoulders of giants and how it is wise to learn from people who are already successful. How did they do it?

Well, I went to seminars, workshops, and lectures. I joined mastermind groups with really smart people. I became a member of various organizations and worked hard to learn as much as I could. I also gained an entire bookshelf of new books.

When I figured out my purpose about five years ago, I took classes on how to become a speaker and gave little talks at Toastmasters. I read books on how to write books and took classes on that too. I set up a website and wrote tons of articles and blog posts about challenging aging, and I traveled and met many people.

All along the way, I gained the skills I needed to connect with people over sixty and start a movement that would change the way we look at aging and shift from a negative attitude about growing older to one of possibility and fulfillment.

I realized, through my hard work, my travels, and the people I met around the world, that many people my age or sixty-plus weren’t living a full life. They seemed to have given up or to have given in to “getting old.” I just couldn’t stand by and not share my lessons, the work I had done and continue to do, and watch people “waiting to die.” I knew I had to start writing, create courses, share my knowledge, and change this on a global level.

Everything you will read in this book will push you, challenge you, get you to dig deep, and inspire you. I’ve included a roadmap, some tools for kicking ass in the second half of your life, and lots of tips and stories to read. I will give you thought exercises and action steps along the way. These will require you to put down the book and pick up a pen and paper. Yes, you must write these down if you truly want to begin your kick-ass life, because simply thinking through these exercises and moving on won’t fully prime your brain for the change they will help bring about.

Before you question whether you should stop to write down your answers to these thought exercises and action steps, know that writing them is super kick-ass important. Thinking about your answers doesn’t prompt change because your answers remain in thought form and will pass right by you. When you write things down, you have to figure out the words and the why and take the time to make sense of those in a coherent way. We don’t like unpleasant things, so our mind glosses over them. Writing requires a different part of your brain and slows things down.

To make things easier, I’ve included all of the thought exercises and action items in an appendix at the end of this book as a helpful reference, but don’t turn there prematurely.

I promise that if you fully commit to this transformation, you will get new insight into discovering your vision and finding passion and purpose. You’ll learn how to get your mind out of the dark places and finally figure out how to eliminate procrastination. I’ll introduce you to ways to find more time. Initially, you will need to give yourself permission to spend time on things today that will give you more time tomorrow. Eventually, you’ll start to have days that aren’t filled up and your choices will start to be focused on kick-ass goals and a new way of living your life. It’s awesome, let me tell you. Sharing the awesomeness I’ve discovered with others is the very reason I wrote this book.

You are amazing just the way you are, and you have a lot to offer. If you didn’t, then none of this would matter, and nothing I’ve written in these pages would be of any consequence, because everyone over fifty or sixty could just spend the rest of their lives watching television until they passed. But you don’t want that, and I don’t want that for you either. The world deserves your best and everything you still have left in you. I found what works for me, and I believe it will help you too. I want everyone to discover their own best journey to their kick-ass second half of life.

Along the way, you will get as gritty as a cheese sandwich in a sandstorm. Will you have opinions? Does a bear shit in the woods? And do I care about your opinions? Nope…and neither should you. Move past those. What I do care about are the actions you take. These actions will shift you. If you are still reading this, then you are already starting to commit. This is great news!

You may be wondering how I came to discover the importance of the second half of life and making it count. This whole business of thinking about the second half of my life started when I was twenty-five. That’s how old I was when my father died. We weren’t close. He drank a lot, smoked a lot, hit a lot, and yelled a lot. He was racist and sexist, and when he was driving, everyone on the road was a “goddamn son of a bitch.” You get the idea. I spent my teenage years leaving the dinner table early several times a week because I couldn’t stand his racist talk. But, being the youngest, I grew up having to appease him and spend time with him because nobody else could or would.

When we went on the rare vacation, he would randomly pull over, stop the car, and go into a tavern to drink while we waited in the car…for hours. I was the one who had to go in and talk him into getting back in the car. I was a teenager! Self-absorbed and embarrassed. He was definitely not racking up the Good Dad points.

The one and only lesson I learned from him was to make sure I was not like him. As you can probably guess, he was not my favorite person. Yet these experiences started me on my path of self-discovery and a lifelong journey.

My mother took my father to the emergency room late one night for indigestion and chest pains, and the doctors decided to keep him overnight for observation. He died during the night of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and other related health issues. Honestly, I wasn’t sad. Well, I guess I was sad for my mother because she was...