Chapter 2 –

Discovering God; Discovering ME

In 1996, I was seventeen years old and in my 12th grade year of high school. I had not gotten into much trouble and was not much of a problem child. Do not misinterpret that; I still got into my fair share of things that I should not have, but nothing major because again, there were not many things that I could do anyway. I had a boyfriend who I had met in 10th grade, and we dated through the rest of my high school years. He was a genuinely nice guy, raised in a two-parent home but together we still got into the typical mischief of teenagers experimenting with love and dating. My parents liked him as a person but not for me, lol. Truthfully, no one would have ever been good enough for me in their eyes, especially at that age.) After high school, we tried to continue dating but life took us in different directions, which I know now was just another aligning move of God early in my life.

I was what people considered a “church girl.” I still went to church regularly and that was life when I was not with friends. When I turned 18, I did go through a brief stage where I no longer wanted to be classified as a “church girl” (and I chuckle today because the whole plan failed.)

I tried going to a club one time, and it got shut down early. Go figure! I heard the next day that it was shut down due to report of it getting too wild, but I think that it was because I had no business being in there and God shut the whole place down just to get me out! I went to a few more house parties after that, but I never attempted to go to another club again.

I was still attending the church that I had grown up in which at first was the very non-traditional, lively, and charismatic Baptist Church, where the original pastor, my father’s mentor, was ahead of his time. They believed in prophetic ministry, fasting, praying, praising, and tarrying (waiting) for the Holy Spirit to come into the services, which usually happened in amazing ways.

I vividly remember many of those services as a little girl. We had these red kneeling pillows, and everyone would take one and kneel on it, praying, speaking in unknown tongues, and calling out to God until people would be crying, shouting, dancing, and praising God.

My friends and I would peek our heads up to see what was going on until we would get caught by an adult who made us bow our heads back down to pray. God moved so powerfully in those days at that church. Those are amazing memories. Even then, I was so intrigued by the gifts and movement of God’s spirit. I felt God in those services, but I could not let my friends know it for fear that they may have laughed and judged me, like kids do.

That was the original culture of my parent’s church. However, as the leadership of the church transitioned a few times, so did the spiritual climate of the church. With each of those transitions, for me, and many of the youth of the church, it was no longer exciting or appealing enough to capture our interest. Most of the younger people left as they became of age to make their own decisions. As this was happening, I was starting to make up my mind that I was just going to be done with church because there was no other church that I knew of that really offered anything more than what I was getting there. I loved God and the teachings were in me, but I was at a critical age where I could be very easily influenced to either stay in the church, serving God or leave and go out into the world to live what seemed like a more fun and free life.

By this time, my brother, who was six years older than me, had moved out of my parent’s home and was living on his own. He had discovered a local church that I had never heard about. He visited the church with friends who had invited him for some time and then he became a member. He invited me to attend with him one Sunday. I went and instantly loved everything about the church. It was full of life; the music and singing were amazing; the preaching was great, and it was filled with youth and young adults who were close to my age and seemingly loved serving!

The first time that I heard the pastor speak, just from the remarks that he made throughout the service, I knew that he was a great person and leader. He and his wife greeted me with so much warmth and love on my first visit and every visit after that. I remember sitting there, feeling great and thinking to myself, “I love this church!” I never stopped going after that first visit.

I was about to turn 17 and my mother told me that I could not join the new church until after I graduated from high school. I was okay with that because I was only a few months away from graduation. On the Sunday morning of my high school’s baccalaureate ceremony in June of 1996, I happily joined that church.

I was so excited to have this wonderful new church home. It really made me love GOD and ministry in a new way. It felt great because it was not forced; it was truly orchestrated by God for me to go there. I did not know any of the people there personally when I joined, but everyone was so personable and friendly that it was easy to make new friends. It was obvious that the same love that the pastor and his wife had shown me on that first day was what had been taught to the people of the church as well. This church felt like “home.”

They all felt like one big family. You could feel the love every time you walked through the doors. Everyone knew each other and even the visitors immediately became like family. The services were so spirit filled and amazing, and again, the music ministry was second to none. We would praise and worship God, and then after service, we would all sit around and talk at the church for hours, and then we would leave and still all go out for dinner or to someone’s house to eat and spend another several hours together just laughing and associating.

Those were amazing times: full of fun, love, and not to mention a lot of spiritual growth for me.

By the age of eighteen, I had become infatuated with women who could preach and prophesy. I was developing my personal relationship with God, and I loved everything about women who operated in the gifts of the spirit, but more importantly, who walked in that Godly character and integrity that should accompany that call. I wanted to do that! Something in me would leap every time I experienced the ministry of a powerful, Godly woman.

There were a few well known women who I would study and watch whenever they would come on TV. And I even started traveling to conferences and events to see them. I would purchase their books and read them in one day! I was so hungry for God. It was not common to be this intrigued with ministry at this age and I knew that it meant something significant. I did not broadcast this desire to work in ministry, but I privately nurtured it. I would stay up at night praying and reading the Bible for hours. One night, while watching one specific woman who I greatly admired on the TBN Gospel T.V. Station, I told God that I wanted what she had. I wanted him to use me powerfully the way that I saw him using her.

I prayed, asking him to touch me that night and equip me to be able to do that. I was in my room which was in my parent’s basement at that time and tears began to roll down my cheeks because I could feel the presence of God coming over me so strong.

This was during the early 1990’s, when mega church conferences were booming, and you could find one to go to any time. I would go to different conferences with church friends, and on one night a group of us went to see Bishop T.D. Jakes. The service was explosive, and while he was preaching, I felt the power of God go all over me like heat. The next thing I remember is that I had praised God all the way down to the rail that was on the edge of the balcony (when I came back to myself, I wondered why my friends let me do that! LOL!) but when everything settled, I knew that something in me was different. From that day forward I had the gift of tongues and a new anointing. It was not long after that I accepted the call to ministry as a missionary first and then a few years later, as a minister. I went on to experience much more spiritual development, but most importantly learning how to submit and serve in ministry.

Not long after joining the new church, I met two women who were about 10 years my senior, which was still young. They were on fire for God but still “cool” to me. They made Christianity attractive. They were Missionaries at the church, which in many African American churches are like female ministers who assist altar work, pray for people, visit the sick, and perform other ministerial duties. They did all these duties, and quickly became the big sisters, mentors, and friends that I needed in that phase of my life. They were both faithful and powerful intercessors. They took me under their wings, nurtured me spiritually and gave me accountability, which helped to mold me into a strong young woman of faith and a student of God’s word. I attribute so much of who I am today to the seeds that Vickie (“Ms. Vickie, “as I still affectionately call her) and Tracey sowed into my life, and my future. I am forever grateful for their influence and example at that time.

Ms. Vickie led the church’s weekly Monday Night Prayer meetings. It was in those meetings that I learned about prayer and saw many prayers answered for others and for myself. It was also in those meetings that I...