Woeman to Woman (eBook)

Learning to Break the Cycle and Personal Growth

Nikki Smith (Autor)

eBook Download: EPUB

2021 | 1. Auflage
92 Seiten
Bookbaby (Verlag)
978-1-0983-8087-8 (ISBN)

Touching women all across the globe of all races an religious beliefs,that are currently or have been in abusive relationships. Teaching and mentoring our young queens to love themselves more than any human an always be self sufficient.

How It Started

In the beginning, we are all conceived by our parents whether they were married, dated or had you during an affair, maybe you were adopted and you feel unwanted. However, you were conceived, I want you to get through your head, you’re not a mistake. If your parents were addicts and you never received the love that you were looking for, you’re not a mistake. Maybe a family member raped you and you never felt accepted. Always feeling you’ve been looked over, you always felt like the black sheep of your family; say it with me! Say it boldly, I’m not a mistake. I want you to realize that you are good enough no matter what you’ve been through; I don’t care what you’re going through or what your past looks like.

We look to men for love and support, we want to be protected by them and even spoiled by them, but so many times our past pops up in our brain and it controls our emotions. So, we begin to feel like we should be going through everything we’ve been through. I wonder who told you that you’re a mistake or made you feel like you’re a mistake and why do you value their opinion? Is what they say more valuable than what your creator has to say about you? Do you even know that you were created in the image of the living God? That you are fearfully and wonderfully made? Meaning you are beautiful and everything you need and want is inside of you. Know that you are a powerful being and anything you want you can have it. So, why are you valuing the opinion of anyone? Why, because you haven’t learned self-love, that’s why.

Before you can fully love someone, you must love yourself first. I know people say this all the time. It was my problem, yes, I loved myself and didn’t want to harm myself, but I didn’t respect myself. I didn’t watch the things I put in my body as far as food. I got manicures and my nails did, but I didn’t pay attention to the energy that I allowed my body to be around. I didn’t know how to be alone, eat alone, spend time with myself and sleeping by myself.

Sleeping alone was a big part of me learning to respect myself. I want you to learn to do these things, that way you don’t allow family, friends or men to mistreat you. Let’s get to the bottom of the real issue. Think back to your childhood, did you grow up with your father? Did you have a father in your life? Did you have fatherly love? Did your father take the time to show you how a woman should be treated? Were doors held for you? Did you see your dad treat your mother with respect? Did you see your mom treat your father with respect? Did your father compliment your mom? or like me did you grow up having separated parents. Parents thinking of themselves and not considering the children, always only thinking about themselves? never once asking how I feel. I grew up in an era where a child had no opinion and was frequently told to stay out of grown people’s business. Early in my childhood around the age of six, my parents separated, because I was young, I don’t remember much but I was told my father was abusive to my mother and she left him.

I was born in West Palm Beach, FL. My mother was from a City called Revere Beach and my dad was from a town called Boynton about 12 miles away from West Palm. They were high school loves. Around the age of five, I was living at my grandmother’s house, I love that Lady. I was the first grandchild so of course; I was her favorite. My grandmother’s name was Mamie Huggins. She was a Christian; as I think back, she didn’t believe in religion, she had a relationship with God. She fed her neighborhood, even drug dealers and those who had not given their life to Christ. She was a mother of seven children and married to my grandfather, who again, I was told abused her. She never stopped caring for my grandfather and she never married again.

My grandfather was a mechanic, owned his own business, and my grandmother cleaned very wealthy people’s homes. As early as I could remember she has spoken good things over my life. My grandmother was a praying woman. At the very beginning, seeds were being planted. One day, at the age of six my grandmother was coming home from work- she lived on the corner lot. While at work, my aunts and uncles would watch the grandchildren and at the time I hated them watching me because grandma gave me my way and they didn’t- I remember one day one of my aunts said “there goes Mama.” She parked across the street this day because my aunt picked her up from work. I ran out the door sprinting down the sidewalk saying “grandma! grandma!” as a car was coming around the corner and boom it hit me and dragged me up the street. I don’t remember a lot after that. My uncle, her oldest son, was a preacher and I was in the church every day. It seemed like Bible study, Sunday school, board meetings, church! Church! Church! but none of the other grandchildren had to go. My uncle told me that I had a calling on my life. Between him and my grandmother they always would lay hands on me, they prayed a lot over me.

By the age of eight, my mom and dad had separated, so my mom decided we were going to leave and move to Virginia. My father had been in and out of prison and was a drug addict after my mom divorced him. Have you ever loved someone and they were taken away from you? I truly believe that’s what led my father to his addiction.

While starting her life over in Virginia she cleaned homes and landed a job at the cleaners; here she began taking me to work with her. They were Chinese people and they were really nice to her and wanted her to get on her feet. One day, one of the employees asked me to go get a hanger from the back where they were cooking food in a big pot the Chinese people call a wok, I reached over the wok and fell in butt first. I used my right arm to pull myself out. My skin was peeling off. I had third-degree burns, not even ten years old and had been through the worst. The devil was trying to kill me early, say it with me, But God!

My mother’s first apartment was in the projects. Things were rough but like many woe-men she worked on the weekends, she and her friends would dress up with their miniskirts, weave and red lipstick and go to the club. My mother’s friend told me that if a man doesn’t have any money, he doesn’t have any honey. Look at the seeds that were being planted in me now; the devil thought that he knew what he was doing and I say thought because he didn’t win, but here I was taken away from everyone I love and the church.

My father and my mother had no contact and I was kept away from my father’s side of the family. Although I had my mother nothing took the place of my daddy. Like many of you, that’s where the problem started, your first love is your mother and father, this is the way God designed it to be. Around age ten my mother met a man who changed our lives. We moved out of the projects. He was in the military, so we lived on a military base. I attended the best schools and gained the best discipline, but I had become so rebellious against my mother because I wanted my biological father. I felt empty, she was happy and I wasn’t. I missed my family. I would fight in school but instead of my mother talking to me she would beat me with fan belts, extension cords, pots, pans, whatever was in her reach.

Her husband put her through cosmetology school. They got married and had a child, again everyone was happy except me. During this time, is what I called my watch season. My mother wanted to prove to everyone her growth, so after she graduated from school, she opened a full beauty salon. My stepfather and I became very close, I even started calling him daddy. Things between my mother and my stepfather got really rocky. My mom began teaching me to lie to my stepfather. Whenever he would ask certain questions about our day or money, I couldn’t tell him that we went shopping or that my mother would stop by another man’s house.

Within a year she decided that she wanted to get a divorce. She began to plan against my stepfather and who did she make her Co-defendant? yes, you guessed it, me. She had gone ahead and got her own place. When my stepfather would ask how my day was and what I did that day, I was already given a lie to tell. My grandmother always taught me not to lie, but, since I was separated from her everything was different. Soon we were packing everything out of our house and moving away from my stepfather. One day while packing up, I asked my mom where my stepfather was, she said he was at work and she made sure he worked late. At twelve years old two men in my life had gone and I was taught to lie, cheat, steal and manipulate men.

Not only was I resentful of her for keeping me from my biological father, now I was losing my stepfather too. She began her same routine again; work, but this time she had two baby girls so while she worked, I babysat. I couldn’t even enjoy my friends unless she didn’t have any plans of her own. She partied so much, got into so much debt that she had to close her beauty shop. She wasn’t the one handling the money and making sure that the salon bills were paid, it was my stepfather. She went to work at another salon not knowing that the owner’s son had a crush on me. He was one of the top gang members and was the only friend that I had but, she really didn’t like him. However, because she was working for his mother, she allowed me to remain friends with him.

My life took a big turn when I joined the gang that he was head of. He instructed me...

Erscheint lt. Verlag	7.5.2021
Sprache	englisch
Themenwelt	Sachbuch/Ratgeber ► Gesundheit / Leben / Psychologie ► Lebenshilfe / Lebensführung
ISBN-10	1-0983-8087-8 / 1098380878
ISBN-13	978-1-0983-8087-8 / 9781098380878

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