Transformational Consulting (eBook)

CHAPTER ONE

Transformational Kindness

Yes. You do have the correct book.

Why would a book on starting a consulting business begin with a discussion on kindness? Building a long-lasting, sustainable, and successful Transformational Consulting business starts with going through transformation for you as an individual first. The foundational energy of compassion, when practiced and lived, eliminates the three main reasons the clear majority of consulting relationships fail. The three main contributing factors that cause this failure are:

1. Selfishness and ego on the part of the consultant,
2. Failing to produce measurable and palpable results; and,
3. Inadequate follow through and follow up on the part of the consultant and the client

All three of these are one hundred percent on the shoulders of the consultant. Understanding, embracing, and practicing Transformational Kindness eliminates all three of these and replaces them with the following:

• Transformed lives and organizations where stress is decreased and joy is increased;
• Measurable and palpable results that are proven through numbers, culture, and actual net profits; and
• Customers who keep coming back to you with new challenges and opportunities.

If you want to have a consulting business that makes money and transforms lives, stay with me. This, of course, is not a guarantee of success. No one can guarantee anyone else’s business success. But I have yet to see someone fail who embraced the foundational energy of Transformational Kindness and practiced it in their daily lives. Of course, to be able to apply something (a concept, skill, or ability), one must understand the concept and skill. The foundational principle of Transformational Consulting is Transformational Kindness. Therefore, the rest of this chapter will unwrap the following:

• The paradox of kindness as a strategic business tool;
• The effects of kindness on our spirit, psyche, and body;
• The ways kindness keens the consulting business; and
• The bottom-line results to your business.

The Paradox of Transformational Kindness

Transformational Kindness is the foundation of a successful Transformational Consulting business, but it’s also the sheer strength of your practice. It is a vital strategic business tool for your continued success. The dichotomy of this is that often business leaders misunderstand kindness as weakness while believing that they must be harsh and ruthless to succeed. Genuine Transformational Kindness permeates every aspect of your life and your business. However, you cannot give or use what you don’t have. Think of a home improvement project you would like to get to. Close your eyes and picture it. Capture it in your mind. Close your eyes and really picture it. Hold the picture in your mind as if it’s a reality. Capture it in your mind’s eye. Now, what do you need to do if you don’t own the right tools for the job? That’s giving you the benefit of the doubt that you have the skills to do the job well. But let’s say you do have the skills and it’s an issue of tools. What do you need to do if you don’t own the proper tools for the job? Usually, one of two things:

• Improvise a potentially suitable replacement tool such as a stapler instead of a hammer; or
• Borrow or purchase the correct tool.

The deciding factor is usually a mixture of how simple or complex the job is. The more complex it is, the higher the likelihood you will borrow or purchase the tool. A word of warning: if you attempt to improvise, instead of using the correct tool, you will screw it up. As a rule, you always want to use the right tool for the right job. The tool of Transformational Kindness, however, cannot be borrowed. You can only use it effectively in direct proportion to the degree you own and live it. You cannot fake it. This is so important, I will say it again:

YOU CAN ONLY USE TRANSFORMATIONAL KINDNESS IN DIRECT PROPORTION TO THE DEGREE YOU OWN AND LIVE IT.

No exceptions. No shortcuts. Ever. Period. Either you embrace the concept and live it, or you don’t. The good news is that once you embrace it, you can start anywhere. We all started somewhere in our journey of living Transformational Kindness. Some will have a more natural strength for Transformational Kindness, while others will have a little more work to do. The good news is that everyone can learn and grow into this area, and the energy of Transformational Kindness is always open to everyone. Let’s jump in and look at the core principles of Transformational Kindness in order to make the concept clear.

Transformational Kindness is not for the weak or faint of heart. It requires deep personal maturity and fortitude of mind. The reason it is so difficult is that it requires absolute honesty and respect. For most people, these two concepts are feel good only. If it feels good, they are honest and respectful. This is one of the paradoxes of Transformational Kindness. Even if the intent is to protect someone’s feelings, it is unkind to lie to them or withhold the truth from them. Most people who want to get into consulting are good people who want to help others. But sometimes the best way to be of service to others is to tactfully and respectfully share painful truths with them. Sharing these hard truths with our clients in ways they understand and embrace is a big part of our service to our clients as Transformational Consultants. Therefore, the first step in living Transformational Kindness is: always tell the truth.

For many full-time employees, telling their boss the truth can bring subtle but lasting negative repercussions. It can be challenging to engage in these conversations when a supervisor is unhealthy or insecure or when one is financially responsible for his or her family. I know this from experience. Years ago, I had a supervisor who said he wanted to hear the truth about his leadership and the impact he was having on the organization’s success. I was young, and I trusted that he wanted what he was asking for. For a few years, he seemed to appreciate my honesty and insight. That all ended when he asked me to tackle a sensitive area, which was a blind spot for him and involved his best friend. I had no idea that from that point on, I was digging my own grave in the organization with every honest conversation we had. I learned a life-changing lesson during that situation that was, for me, a real epiphany. From then on, I needed to speak the truth with love and tact at the level the recipient could receive it. If we fail to do that, we’re not just wasting our breath, we are potentially damaging the relationship and opportunity for future influence.

I was fortunate enough to have a powerful example of this concept when my boys were very young. They were five and seven, and I had gained some weight. My therapist of choice was named Haagen-Dazs, and I had put on about thirty pounds. Both of my boys have a great sense of humor. My youngest was a ruthless truth-teller, and my eldest was much more tactful. My youngest son was walking through our family room, leaned in, and put his ear to my stomach. He said, “Shh, I’m trying to hear the baby.” Then he patted my ample stomach and said, “You’re kinda getting fat, Dude.” As he ran off to play, he smiled at his quick wit.

I knew I had gained some weight, but it still hurt my feelings. I believe that by the time you have noticed someone has gained weight, they are already self-conscious about it. I found my older son getting ready to meet his friends outside and asked him about his brother’s comments. He was very concerned and thought before he spoke. “Dad, I love you, and I have noticed you’re gaining weight. It worries me because I don’t want you to have a heart attack.” He continued sharing that he needed me in his life and didn’t want to lose me. He was seven. They both told the truth, and both of them loved me. One said it in a way that could have been offensive while the other said it in a way that allowed me to receive it. He spoke the truth with love and tact and at a level that the recipient could receive it. That takes real strength and skill.

When you consider communicating painful or hard truths, it is easier to consider how to speak the truth with love and tact at a level the recipient can receive it. When you do this, you avoid needing to have the same difficult conversations multiple times. In my Transformational Living Workshop, we discuss and learn to implement the tools needed to speak the truth with love and tact. I will explain the three essential components that are necessary for effective communication that produces results. However, the workshop is where you’ll have the opportunity to learn how to embody and enact these components in your life and relationships.

The first component of love is simple. Love is many things. It’s not just a warm fuzzy feeling; it’s a verb. Love wants the healthiest and best experience in life for another person. If you love that person, you want the best for them. Sometimes that means giving them what they need, rather than what they want.

The second component of tact is more advanced and nuanced. What is tactful to one person may be received as rude to another person. The key is to put yourself in their shoes. The better you know them, the easier and more effective it is to do this. It is best to think through many...