Loveship (eBook)

I was given the perfect playing field by the devil to be deceitful, cunning, luring, rude, discourteous, impolite, uncivil, and ill-mannered, amongst many more despicable qualities. However, because of that, I was able to understand women much better, either from experiencing rejection, having my foolery and trickery exposed, or just being called out on my BS! I have now become extremely intuitive with regard to a woman’s DNA—especially my mother’s!

The best way to know, understand, and love a woman, is to start with understanding your own mother and your relationship to her. Your woman and mother are two different people, yet, in many ways, they share the same roles. By taking a deep dive into my mother’s life, her ways, fears, thought processes, and strengths, I became uniquely equipped to understand women from a different perspective. For her teachings, in life and in death, and for the invaluable lessons I learned, I now appreciate my mother for passing down those wonderful gifts.

I salute you, Mommy!

My mother was short and thickset, but she stood up to much bigger and stronger men when she needed to. That, in itself, taught me that no matter how you looked at a woman, they still held an immense power: the power to make you better if you heed their teachings, or show that you’ll eventually become worse if you don’t! From this, I also learned that most men often look to other men for guidance concerning their women, which is one of the worst mistakes a man can make, unless the man whose counsel is being sought tells him the God-given truth, from his loss! Sometimes, what you tell another fella can be held against you, so be careful with that.

Broken men break women down to their own level of life, hurt, pain, discomfort, and dysfunction. That level becomes his comfort zone, and hers too, because she’ll love him unconditionally, thus losing herself! Losing herself is an act of desire that stems from her empty void of hurt, lack of love, and attention, one which she’s expecting to be filled. This void, however, will not be filled by a broken man— it can only be drained further!

Please do not be alarmed. As a former military man, my actions, performance, progress, and healing milestones were reached and accomplished through help, growth, and many months of therapy. I am not a “Throwaway Guy” by any means. I went to and through the depths of hell, but I returned a much better person and partner for a woman. You’ll figure that out from the conversations that we are about to have as I discuss the greatness, strengths, and on some occasions, the weakness of both partners, in thorough detail.

Again, the narratives here are not only applicable to military men. I was a young man before I entered the Navy. The Navy exposed me to beautiful people, strong men and women, and the best services that allowed me to stay alive. Yet in doing what I did, and living the way I lived, my choices clearly weren’t indicative of someone wise enough to take advantage of the extended services and quality people I had access to or was exposed to. I was weak within and during my toxic endeavors!

Throughout my thirty-seven years of dating, break-ups, make-ups, and marriage, I have studied, and found the most intricate, intimate, intuitive, and engaging nouns that suit any relationship universally:

Friendship, Courtship, Companionship, and Leadership.

Through the hurt and pain, you must remain focused on these; they mature and develop as you progress on your search and journey, but only with the right person—your teammate!

T.E.A.M. = Teach, Endure, Assess, Marry!

Before implementing any of these in a relationship, you must know the person you’re with and vice-versa. They must be willing to pass certain checkpoints in your relationship—this is crucial! Before everything starts to run smoothly in your life, there will unavoidably be some dysfunction, flaws, setbacks, and heartache. I discuss these throughout the book.

My testament is for little boys, girls, young men, and young women alike, because that’s where it all began for me, and it never left. As an adult, I surely needed these chapters and discussions— but let’s start with my childhood. First, let’s all take a step back to reminisce, contemplate, and introspect, that is if you want to improve yourself as a man or woman in a relationship. If not, then don’t look back. I will warn you, though. Not looking back to those mentally torturing days, moments of fear, times of weakness, bad times, dysfunction, and anything else that you are running from will lead to them creeping up on your blind side when you are least expecting it. So, always look back to face and resolve your past to see the face that it wears, because those times do have a distinct face.

As a true and defining guide in Loveship, I use and infuse one of the best, strongest, and most compelling leadership skills that have served me well to transcend myself – and you, potentially – to the next level of giving, understanding, teaching, sharing, receiving, visualizing and mentoring. I did not wait for my Sailors to ask me for advice, ever. Therefore, I will not make you wait, either. My Sailors, students, and other individuals that I continue to mentor get the real deal from me, and you will, too. I called my transformation “Presenting My Past,” and as hard as it was, I learned to do it.

In presenting my past, the future vision of our TEAM—(YOU AND I)—will become clear and exact concerning many things. For one, your courage will soar, in that you will now possess the ability to be honest with first yourself, and then your companion. You will become more forgiving and let go of any ill feelings, simply by presenting your past to someone as a future partner. Their trust will grow with you, but more importantly, a woman will be more engaged and eager to grow, overall, with you.

First, you must want self-preservation. In the act of preserving yourself, you pause all future negativity—the “pause” is your time to reflect, realize, accept, and redefine YOU. It’s never too late. By speaking to you about my transition, I am giving you a true account of life-changing and life-altering events that reshaped how I looked at, learned, treated, and then understood myself, by understanding the great women that were once in my life. I had to become keenly aware of their wants, needs, desires, and something else that many men overlook—their aspirations.

I was someone that always felt like women always wanted to control me. Therefore, I was always guarded with the women in my life. What I didn’t know or realize at the time was that the woman usually discovered my immaturity and inability to walk with her while she was trying all along to walk with, or catch up to me, who was intent on running away. She just wanted more out of life with me, so she felt compelled to hold me accountable and “control” me—which turned out to be nothing more than guidance—so that we could build an “account” together. By “account,” I am not talking about money here, but how often do men realize that they are either “IN A RELATIONSHIP” or “INVESTING IN A RELATIONSHIP?” Women hate to waste time, but as men, we could care less about time and thus miss out on invaluable INVESTMENTS we can make in that ACCOUNT! She was only trying to make me better.

Accountable = Able to be accounted for, being present, aware, relied upon, not absent!

Being intricately involved with your woman, without fear of being led by her, her aspirations will become your inspiration! This is why I convey my stories and experiences the way that I do in Loveship.

The transition will be accomplished without any hesitation or embarrassment that will follow from “relating” to my stories. As I presented my past, I began to see certain transgressions or bad habits in other people before they saw it in themselves. This is a gift that I have, and I am going to share all of my gifts, and pain, in an effort to make you see, attain and become familiar with your gift for yourself. In life, we too often wait until it’s too late. Loveship will definitely prevent you from waiting too late ever again!

No, I am not a love doctor, and neither am I a relationship guru, yet I have amassed many emotional wounds and only closed them through months of therapy. The ones that remain open are for the light of God to heal—those wounds are reserved for Him, as there isn’t any social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist, in my opinion, that can close them. No disrespect to any of those...