Bury My Heart at Chuck E. Cheese's

Tiffany Midge is a citizen of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe and was raised in the Pacific Northwest. She is a former columnist for Indian Country Today and taught writing and composition for Northwest Indian College. Midge’s award-winning books include The Woman Who Married a Bear and Outlaws, Renegades, and Saints: Diary of a Mixed-Up Halfbreed. She resides in Moscow, Idaho, where she has served as the city’s poet laureate. Geary Hobson is an emeritus professor of English at the University of Oklahoma. He is the author of numerous books, including The Last of the Ofos.

Foreword by Geary Hobson    

Part I: My Origin Story Is a Cross between “Call Me Ishmael,” a Few Too Many Whiskey Sours Packed in an Old Thermos at the Drive-In Double Feature, and That Little Voice That Says, “You Got This”
Bury My Heart at Chuck E. Cheese’s    
Headlines    

Part II: Instead of a “Raised by Wolves” T-Shirt, Mine Says “Raised by Functioning Alcoholics with Intimacy Phobias & Low Self-Esteem”
The Jimmy Report    
My Name Is Moonbeam McSwine    
The Siam Sequences    

Part III: Micro (Aggression) Memoirs
First World (Story) Problems: Brown Girl Multiple Choice Edition    
Tweets as Assigned Texts for Native American Studies Course    
Ghoul, Interrupted    

Part IV: Garsh Durn It! You Say Patriarchy, I Say Patri-Malarkey, Dollars to Donuts Cuckoo Banana Pants, You Gals & Your Lady Power This ’n’ That
An Open Letter to White Women Concerning The Handmaid’s Tale and America’s Historical Amnesia    
Fertility Rites    
Wonder Woman Hits Theaters, Smashes Patriarchy    
Jame Gumb, Hero and Pioneer of the Fat-Positivity Movement    
Post-Election Message to the 53 Percent    
Committee of Barnyard Swine to Determine Fate for Women’s Health    
Champion Our Native Sisters! (but Only Selectively and under Certain Conditions)     
An Open Letter to White Girls Regarding Pumpkin Spice and Cultural Appropriation    

Part V: Me, Cutting in Front of All the People in All of the Lines Forever: “It’s Okay, I Literally Was Here First” #DecolonizedAF
Thousands of Jingle Dress Dancers Magically Appear at Standing Rock Protector Site    
Satire Article Goes Viral on Day of 2016 Presidential Election Results    
Attack of the Fifty-Foot (Lakota) Woman    
Minnesota Art Gallery to Demolish “Indian Uprisings” Exhibit after Caucasian Community Protest    
Why I Don’t Like “Pussy” Hats    
Li-Li-Li-Li-Land, Standing Rock the Musical!     

Part VI: Merciless Indian Savages? Try Merciless Indian Fabulous!
Redeeming the English Language (Acquisition) Series    
Fifty Shades of Buckskin    
Conversations with My Lakota Mom    
Feast Smudge Snag    
Eight Types of Native Moms    

Part VII: “Shill the Pretendian, Unfav the Genuine” Is the 2018 Remix of “Kill the Indian, Save the Man”
Red like Me: I Knew Rachel Dolezal Back When She Was Indigenous    
A List of Alternative Identities to Try for Fun and Profit    
I Have White Bread Privilege    
Things Pseudo-Native Authors Have Claimed to Be but Actually Are Not    
You Might Be a Pretendian    

Part VIII: I Watched Woman Walks Ahead and Frankly Was Offended by the Cookie-Cutter, Stereotypical Portrayal of the Menacing White Soldier
Reel Indians Don’t Eat Quiche: The Fight for Authentic Roles in Hollywood    
Are You There, Christmas? It’s Me, Carol!    
Post-Election U.S. Open in Racist Tirades Competition    
West Wing World    

Part IX: The Native Americans Used EVERY Part of the Sacred Turkey
Hey America, I’m Taking Back Thanksgiving    
Clown Costumes Banned, Racist Native American Halloween Costumes Still Okay    
Thanksgiving Shopping at Costco: I Just Can’t Even    
Politically Correct Alternatives to Culturally Insensitive Halloween Costumes    

Part X: BREAKING NEWS—Your Neighbor Who Said, “Whoa, Dude, This Whole Trump Thing’s, Like, So Fricken Surreal,” Might Actually Be on to Something
Step Right Up, Folks    
Trump Pardons Zombie Apocalypse    
There’s Something about Andrew Jackson    
Trump Administration to Repeal Bison as First National Mammal    
President Trump Scheduled for Whirlwind Tour to Desecrate World’s Treasures    

Part XI: The Trump Administration’s Pop-Up, Coloring, Scratch ’n’ Sniff, Edible, and Radioactive Activity Book
You’ve Got Mail!    
Executive Order Requiring All Americans Take Up Cigarettes by End of 2017    
The Wild West (Wing) and Wild Bill Hiccup    
Give a Chump a Chance    
Ars Poetica by Donald J. Trump    

Acknowledgments