3 Ships (eBook)

Chapter 2: RelationShips

Relationships are like cars. We take them for granted until something goes wrong. Then we wonder what happened. The car may look fine on the outside, but the inside is in terrible condition. Even though there were signs, many signs, along the way that the car may need a tune-up, service, or even a major repair, we often fail to respond to a vehicle until it won’t run correctly or needs major repairs. It is the same way with relationships - we can fine-tune them and tweak them, make minor repairs, but if we need to do major work to them, it is costly and often it is too late.

Ultimately, there are healthy and unhealthy, good and bad, successful and unsuccessful relationships. Over the course of the next three chapters, we will consider the following questions:

• Why do we need relationships?
• Why are some relationships good?
• Who do you have your greatest relationships with?
• Why are some relationships bad?
• What is the difference?
• Who is someone with whom you need to rebuild or repair your relationship?

Relationships are the fundamental glue for our society. We need relationships and rely on our relationships to connect with one another. Relationships are imperative for different reasons such as increasing our emotional well-being, creating stability, and learning how to be a good friend. In addition, having someone to count on in times of need or when we face challenges, taking away loneliness, and making us feel included are important. Each of our relationships elicit different responses in ourselves that help us to grow and learn about ourselves. Relationships often are the bond that holds us together during stressful situations. Without relationships, we would have a deadened spirit and a lack of connection to ourselves.

In this chapter, a variety of relationships will be discussed, the differences between good and bad relationships will be examined, and ways to develop, build, and cultivate relationships with anyone will be shared. The person who makes the biggest difference in any relationship is you. One can determine how to build, develop and, sometimes, repair relationships, and this chapter will help.

Relationships are the Foundation of Success

Solid relationships are a foundation for successful families, teams, companies, organizations, and in life. Most people have a desire for meaningful and important relationships (Taibbi, 2018). Children want to have a meaningful relationship with their parents. Parents want to have a meaningful relationship with their children. Spouses want to have a meaningful relationship with one another. Friends want to have meaningful relationships. Employers and employees want to have meaningful and important relationships. Companies want to have meaningful relationships with their customers. School administrators want to have strong relationships with their faculty and staff, while teachers want to build strong relationships with their students.

Relationships are built through connections with people in our lives, and a true relationship is with someone who accepts our past, supports our present, encourages our future, and loves us unconditionally. This advice defines many of the key characteristics of relationships. When someone accepts our mistakes, our dreams, and wants to share, it is the sign of true caring. Whether with our family, friends, students, customers, or employees, in order to build strong relationships, we must build strong connections. Throughout this section, I will discuss some of the characteristics of relationships that help to establish those connections.

Caring for One Another

One of the most important elements in life is showing others we truly care for them. There are many ways to show we truly care for one other. We show we care by being kind, present, supportive, available, and concerned. Different types of relationships require different kinds of support and caring.

For example, a top priority for parents is caring for our children. We love our children regardless of what they do or how they act. When our children come into this world, we help them and we take care of them. This care often includes making sacrifices so that our children can have what they need: clothes, shelter, food, and love. We let our children know that we love them and need them. As they grow older, we help them learn how to take care of themselves, and our caring includes letting them make mistakes and supporting them as they try out their independence. Even as they leave home and have children of their own, we know that no matter what, our children will always need us, and we will always be there for them.

For companies and organizations, taking care of employees and customers should be the highest priority. The relationship we have with our employees and customers is not the same as with our children, but when we take care of our employees, they feel our concern for their well-being. In turn, they will take care of the company or organization and its customers. Employees want to be led by caring, thoughtful leaders who value each person. Caring for our customers and employees is one of the greatest ways we can build relationships.

Our students, and their families, are our “customers” in education; as educators, caring for our students and their families is one way we can demonstrate how much we value our relationship with them. If there are no students, then there are no schools or school districts. We want to make real, lasting connections with the people we love and serve. We want our employees and customers (i.e. faculty, staff, and students) to know how much we care about them, and we can show we care about them by making strong connections. We make a difference every day by showing them we genuinely care for them and we are here to help and support them.

Our families, friends, staff members, teams, and organizations endure difficulties, loss, and extremely challenging situations. There will be crises and other challenges. Relationships provide support for the people we care about and spend the most time with. They will need us to help them, and we will be ready to answer their call. Regardless of the situation, human compassion makes the difference for anyone who needs extra support. Being compassionate shows sympathy and concern for someone else’s misfortunes. Being empathetic is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing, putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, and taking the time to listen. When we show empathy to the people who mean the most to us and to those on our team, then we develop stronger relationships and stronger connections.

Earlier in the author’s note, I alluded to a personal shipwreck I had experienced during the past four years. One of the events I referred to was when Shawna - my wife - and I lost three of our four parents in less than a six-month period of time. Shawna and I, along with our children, were in crisis. We were shipwrecked. During the time we were grieving our loss, we had incredible, supportive people who helped us – our crew. Their compassion and empathy helped us to make it through and “repair” our ship so we could get back on course. Figure 2.1 provides some questions to consider when you experience your own shipwrecks (see Figure 2.1).

Figure 2.1

Challenging and Difficult Situations: Personal Shipwrecks

Note: This figure provides a practice exercise to consider challenges and difficult situations that are often encountered in relationships. Consider these questions to examine your own challenges.

The caring relationships that I have created in my life helped my family and I to survive this difficult time. The support of strong relationships helped me to become a better friend, husband, and father because they showed me an example of how I hoped to support people. Regardless of the situation, person, or event one is dealing with in their life, showing others that we care about them makes a difference. A caring approach begins with being a caring and kind person.

Be Kind

Most people know the Golden Rule: treat others as you’d like to be treated. Because we would like people to be kind to us, we often have an expectation for people to treat us the same in return. Being considerate to one another sets a positive, caring tone which then leads to a positive, caring climate. When people believe they have value, feel important, and are a part of a positive, caring climate, they will reciprocate. In schools and classrooms, teachers, administrators, and staff must treat their students with kindness in order to build a strong relationship. By modeling kindness, students can learn to be generous and compassionate toward others.

No matter what the situation is, our thoughts,...