I'm Still G.O.O.D. (eBook)

Chapter 1

Infancy Stage – Inception of Life

“It was hard getting here, but it’s so easy to exit. Embrace life gracefully or you’ll totally regret it.”
– Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson

According to Good Therapy, 2019, “Each stage has a conflict between two opposing concepts. For instance, the infancy stages’ main conflict is trust vs. mistrust. Although people of all ages may experience issues with trust, the infancy stage is where the challenge is most potent.”

This is the stage in life when you will make many unconscious mistakes, so it’s your parents’ job to teach you right from wrong and how to conduct yourself in certain settings. The ethics, morals, and values, including religion, you practice will be identical to theirs until you are old enough to make your own decisions.

Your initial life coaching sessions should come from your parents or guardians. They are the ones responsible for getting you ready for the world, if there is such a thing. I say this because we face many obstacles in adulthood we were not “ready” for that just happened. It could be a similar or different experience. Either way, you try to embrace each day with peace; therefore, you’re never quite expecting something bad to happen, especially when you know you’ve done nothing to deserve bad karma. But that’s not what this chapter is about. I just thought it was necessary to include that message. This chapter is about your parents’ role in your life from its inception and how their teachings or behaviors can impact your life, making it easier or harder to cope with.

Note: Parents who were positive influencers are not to blame for bad decisions you’ve chosen in adulthood. There are bad decisions and blind decisions. Bad decisions come from knowing better. Blind decisions come from not knowing better. Moreover, some children are rotten by nature, regardless of their upbringing. Sometimes, it serves as punishment or bad karma for the parent. Sometimes, it is spiritual and unexplainable. Only God knows, and only he can judge.

The Tender Years

“Atta boy!” “Atta girl!” Those phrases never seem to get old. Too bad we do and so does the way life treats us. Childhood is the most precious time in life – at least, it’s supposed to be. Nevertheless, some of us get robbed of those treasurable moments.

I believe each one of us were born innocent. I’ve never seen a baby that did not smile or laugh. People corrupt other people - not things. Little girls see fathers as protectors, not perpetrators. She will grow to love men until one hurts her. Little boys see mothers as nurturers, not neglecters. He will respect women until he loses trust. White kids see Black kids as friends, not foes. They will play together until someone tells them not to.

All scorned girls won’t grow up to hate men. All scorned boys won’t disrespect women. And all kids won’t connect regardless, but where there’s interference, there’s an experience. Just as people are wounded differently, people heal differently. I will elaborate on this topic in the next chapter.

Kiss Me Goodnight, but Don’t Take My Life

Parents are our first lovers, caregivers, teachers, and advisors/mentors. The worst pain can come from a parent. Whether you were ready to become a parent or not, you are stuck with that responsibility until either of you depart from Earth. Naturally, the parent goes first, but in some unfortunate cases, the child does. That is why it is so important for you to be the best parent you know how to be. If you are not sure you are holding up your end of the bargain, ask your child. I say ask your child because there is no universal method of parenting. What works for one child may not work for another. Each parenting style should be conducive to the child’s best interest, according to the parent’s morals and values.

People tend to judge the parenting style or skills of another, based on their own perceptions and beliefs. Unless you have lived in that child’s household from birth, you do not know why that parent disciplines the way he or she does. You might have a clue, but you don’t have the answer.

Sometimes, the parenting style has nothing to do with the child. It could be a reflection of the parent’s upbringing. But regardless of the circumstances in which the parenting style was developed, the child should never have to suffer or be punished for life.

Life is an experience no one asks for, so why not make it pleasant? Childhood is one of life’s most valuable gifts, so why take it? A child’s life should be full of joy, happiness, love, laughter, and learning. Second to teenage years, childhood years are the shortest and thus should be eventful and as painless as possible.

Many adults cannot seem to cope with adulthood well because their childhood was taken from them. I always encourage youngsters not to rush to get older because you can never get your childhood back. You cannot go back in time and fix things. It was never your assignment to begin with. It was your parent or guardian’s job to make your childhood the best experience you could ever have.

I find it quite disturbing after learning that children have been beaten to death, shot, drowned, sexually abused or mistreated in any way. A child’s innocence should never be robbed by a parent or caregiver whose biggest responsibilities are to love, protect, and nurture. You don’t have to be the best teacher or biggest spender to keep a child happy. Children know when they are loved.

Parents

If you are not ready to take on the responsibility of being a parent, then you should remain celibate. I don’t care what type of birth control method you choose. NONE of them are 100% effective. And abortion is not a contraceptive method. I’ll just let that statement end with a period. I will not get deep into the discussion about contraceptive methods, but I will share my experience.

After giving birth to my second child, I decided to try a different birth control method called the IUD (Intrauterine Device). For those of you who are not familiar with the device, it is a t-shaped copper device with a string attached, inserted into the uterus. It was supposed to prevent pregnancy for 10 years but only did so for 10 months! I found myself hitting the ab roller hard, trying to get rid of the gut I had grown. All the while, I was three months pregnant! I was not mentally or financially ready to welcome a new child into my life, but I accepted my blessing and made accommodations.

As you can see, God has the final say so. Some would say mother nature. Regardless of whom you believe has the final say so, it is certainly not you. As long as you are sexually active, you should always know there is a possibility of becoming a parent. Thus, you should always be prepared. If you are reluctant to prepare yourself, then practice abstinence or celibacy. I know it is easier said than done, but the damage a child endures from neglect and abuse is much harder to overcome.

Mothers

Your role is of utmost importance. I don’t care who’s right and who’s wrong. Your child expects to receive your undying love and support at all costs. If your child comes to you and reports that the father figure in his or her life molested or sexually abused him or her, you should start interrogations immediately. That child evidently knows the difference between an appropriate and inappropriate touch. Any child who has the guts to come forward is yearning for relief. It deeply saddens me when I hear about stories in which a child reported molestation to the parent, and nothing was done about it. What some women would stomach just to have a man or financial support. In other cases, the woman is afraid of the man. However, any environment that is not safe for a woman is not safe for her child or children. If you are ever not sure, ask yourself whether or not you feel safe.

Dad or stepdad is there because you allow him to be there. If he is harmful to you or any of your children, you should take off with your kids or put him out. Remember, it is your responsibility to protect your kids from anyone, including dad. If you don’t believe you can live without him, then turn your kids over to someone who won’t take their lives.

Mothers, I can’t stress enough how much you mean to your children. When they talk, listen. When they cry, hold them. When they are mad or sad, find out why. You should never get so caught up in whatever it is you have going on until it causes you to neglect your child. Whatever was so important before they were born is not as important anymore. Your attachment to your child started at conception. That’s why Moms Matter More…

No disrespect to the fathers, but mothers do a heck of a lot more. We are assigned to some duties by default, like breastfeeding, nurturing, counseling, and of course, carrying the load. Other duties and responsibilities include cooking, cleaning, potty-training, grooming, helping kids with homework and school projects, attending school programs and meetings, attending medical appointments, making sure their temperatures stay normal, trying to understand their behavior,...