Breathe It Out (eBook)

Reason #1 -

“I can’t do this because I don’t have the right background or education.”

What You Are Really Saying - “I don’t want to try because I’m afraid people will mock my lack of education and life experience.”

This excuse seems perfectly plausible on its face. In fact, there are many times when it does hold up-if you didn’t go to medical school and get licensed, you can’t open up a clinic tomorrow and start practicing medicine, for example.

What about these scenarios - are they equally valid?

“I can’t help my kids with their homework, math is so different now than it was when I was a kid!”

“I don’t want to try that Thai restaurant because I don’t know how to order off the weird menu.”

“I won’t apply for that job because it’s in marketing, and I don’t have a business degree.”

Given the access that you and I have to information, much of which is free and immediate, can we still cling to the excuse of ignorance? Or, are we perhaps embracing our lack of knowledge to get us out of making certain decisions, which might result in others viewing us in a negative light? Are you and I, both of us GAA (Grown-Ass Adults), so caught up in what other people may think or voice about us, that we decide we’d rather live with our heads in the sand than to face a little ridicule by branching out and trying something a little new, a little different?

Yes, it’s safe in your little world. I completely understand that. We’ve surrounded ourselves with things, ideas, and people that we know and understand…why screw with that? I’ll tell you why. Because it’s worth it, and because you deserve to experience everything you possibly can, while you still have the physical ability to do so. You can’t even imagine what you are missing out on by limiting yourself only to options with which you are familiar, at your current age. Just take a moment and think…what if you decided that, for the rest of your life, you wouldn’t learn, try or do anything that you weren’t already familiar with when you were 16 years old? That would be idiotic, right? Imagine all the life that you HADN’T experienced yet, when you made so final a statement. So why is it okay to adopt that attitude at 30…40…75?

Not every new experience that you’ve been avoiding is massive, life-altering, or laden with emotional distress. In fact, most aren’t, which makes this excuse even more (frankly) ridiculous. Here’s an example of such from my own life: up until two years ago, I’d never tried pho. I’d never even heard of it, other than to see a half-dozen signs on restaurants along Division proclaiming that its proprietors made “The World’s Best Pho.” Then, one fateful day, I had lunch with a few friends at a pho restaurant, and I didn’t wuss out and order the almond chicken. I went full-on pho. Now, I can’t get enough. I eat it probably three times a week. Your metaphoric pho is out there, just waiting for you to jump.

If you are still balking, you need to hear about Annie, and how she completely slayed this fear-based excuse. Annie was a stay-at-home mother of a boy who was entering kindergarten, and who desperately wanted to play soccer. Annie signed him right up for the local summer league and looked forward to spending her afternoons on the sidelines, watching 1st-year soccer players learn a sport that was loved the world over. Annie didn’t know a thing about soccer, but that’s okay - she could cheer her boy on and provide a juice box.

Fast forward a few weeks - it’s time for soccer to start, and no volunteers have stepped up to run the team. Not even one. Annie said, “Well, I certainly can’t do it. I’ve never played soccer in my life. I don’t know the rules. I have never even WATCHED soccer. I’m not qualified to coach in any way. Someone else will have to take it on.”

Another week passed, and the youth soccer association then sent out the “final chance” email to all the parents. Someone must volunteer to coach, or there will be no team, period. After the excitement of signing up, and the anticipation which had been building for weeks, Annie knew that her son would be crushed if he couldn’t play. She realized that it was going to be up to her to make this happen for her son and his teammates.

Annie sat down at her computer and searched “soccer rules.” She read through an online rulebook, and whenever she came across an unfamiliar term, she Googled it. When the day came for the team’s first practice, she informed all the parents right up front that she had absolutely no experience and would welcome all their help. Annie told me, “When it came down to it, I stopped focusing on what I COULDN’T do, and started focusing on what I COULD do. I could learn the rules online. I could ask for help from other parents. I could watch how other teams ran their practices. Once I came up with what I could do, well, I just did it.”

At the start of Annie’s first soccer game, she told the other coach about her lack of skill and asked for any help that he could give her. His response…“You don’t need to be an expert. They are all five years old. Just make sure their shoes stay tied and they get a snack.” Annie realized that her team was going to do just fine.

You don’t have to be an athlete to coach a kids’ soccer team. You can apply for a job without a formal education in the field. You can travel to countries where you don’t speak the language. You can! It’s time to admit that the force holding you back isn’t your lack of education, or your not-so-diverse background; it’s plain, old, generic fear.

Time to Breathe It Out:

1. Change your mindset from “Here are my excuses as to why I can’t” to “Here are some steps I could take to solve this.” This will put you in problem-solving mode. You do NOT have to know every possible outcome before you make the decision to start. Tell yourself that you will work on each step as it comes, and give yourself permission to stop if it doesn’t work for you. Please don’t give up on yourself before you have taken some action.

   Grab a notebook and a pen and make a list of steps you could possibly take to solve the issue or make the decision. Don’t judge them - just write! When you give your mind free rein, you will be amazed at what it will come up with.

2. The Internet! Seriously, I tell my husband all the time that if I’d had internet access and a search engine back in the mid 80’s when I was a teenager, I’d be Queen of the World by now. You can learn anything you could ever want online. Annie learned how to coach soccer. You can Google “how to do common core math” and help your kids. If your formal education is lacking, and you feel that it’s holding you back professionally, you can supplement it with online learning on any topic. Do you need a more structured environment with accountability for learning? Take an online college class. You have several low-cost, and even no-cost, college opportunities online. I’m getting my bachelor’s degree online at “University of the People” and the whole program will end up costing me $4400. It’s a real thing, Google it. Truly, “I don’t have the education I need” is not a valid excuse any more. (Read about my personal adventure in this specific area in Chapter 6.)

   Use the list you made in Step 1 and start your research. As you learn and process, you’ll start seeing the ideas which are fabulous and the ideas which are not-so-fabulous. Cross those last ones off, focus on the fabulous ideas, and set your mind to learning.

3. Admit that you don’t know what you are doing and ask for help. I know this is tough for a lot of people. I think it’s especially difficult for us Generation X-ers, who were raised to be cynical and suspicious of the motives of others.

   If humbling yourself this way is a challenge for you, try this little exercise. Think about what you are good at - it could be work-related, or personal. Let’s say you are an expert gardener, and you are walking through the nursery section at the local home improvement store. You see a man standing next to a display of ferns, scratching his head. As you walk by, he says “Excuse me, I just bought my first house and I’ve never had a yard before. Can I plant this next to the road?” Would you say, “Wow, you are a real idiot, ferns need shade and it will die a fast death out at the end of your driveway! How did someone as dumb as you even find your way into the store from the parking lot??” Or would you say, “You know, that particular plant needs shade, so that wouldn’t be the best choice. You should look over here at the full-sun plant display.” Unless you are a jerk, you’d go with option two, and if you had spare time, you’d probably help him pick plants out, because it’s what you like to do.

   The truth is, most people WANT to help other people out. Annie freely admitted her ignorance and asked for help from the other parents and coaches. She wasn’t laughed off the field. In fact, I’m guessing that the other parents and coaches were so grateful for her willingness to serve, they offered whatever expertise they may have had.

   My advice to you is, go to the Thai place that your friends want to try. Tell everyone at the table, “I’ve never eaten Thai food. I like chicken and shrimp, but I don’t like super-spicy. What should I get?” You will immediately be inundated with menu suggestions. I guarantee you will not be thrown out of the restaurant. My recommendation would be anything with peanut sauce,...