Betrayed Not Broken

Laurel Wiers is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been in private practice for over fourteen years. She is both the owner and director of Lighthouse Counseling in Groton, Connecticut. She received her master's degree from East Carolina University while doing her internship at Duke Medical Center and has served as an instructor at multiple universities teaching courses on family relations. She has been an expert contributor to articles for both printed and online magazines such as gURL.com, careerbliss.com, naturalnews.com, and Military Life magazine to name a few. She has also been interviewed on the subject of infidelity by both authors and radio personalities, including recent radio interviews by Deborah Jayne East, host of Relationship 911 on Gfem Talk Show in Atlanta, and Michael Dresser of The Michael Dresser Show .

Introduction




Who is this book's reader?




The Problem




Why I Had to Write a Book




A Different Kind of Book on Infidelity




It works!




There is hope.




Some Thoughts before We Begin




Chapter 1 Signs, Evidence, and What to Do with It All




Inklings of Infidelity




Go with your gut.




Getting Confirmation




What is an affair, anyway?




Should I confront my betrayer?




Permission, Envision, Decision




Ask Yourself




Chapter 2 Confront or Keep Quiet




Timing




Laying It All Out There




Possible Responses




Now what?




How Things Might Turn Out




What questions am I allowed to ask?




Exercise: How to Structure an Information-Gathering Session




Ask Yourself




A Final Caution




Chapter 3 I've Been Cheated On. Now What?




It's Confirmed . . .




What's normal?




So Many Feelings




Whom to Tell




Don't rewrite history.




Grieving




DO NOT MAKE A DECISION!




Exercise: Dealing with the Questions of Others




So what's next?




Ask Yourself




Chapter 4 "You Want Me to What?"




New Rules




How Things Might Turn Out




Ask Yourself




Chapter 5 Back to a Seminormal Life




Some Common Concerns




A Caution against Becoming a Victim




What if he's staying with me just because he "has to"?




The Tricky Part of Trust (the Second Time Around)




Giving the Relationship an Honest Evaluation




Ask Yourself




Chapter 6 "How Could You!"




Who cheats?




So why do affairs happen?




What makes one relationship more vulnerable than another?




How Unspoken Expectations Can Contribute to an Affair




"I love you, but I'm not in love with you."




Other Contributors to Infidelity




Going Forward




Ask Yourself




Exercise: What are your ideas and expectations for love and relationships?




Chapter 7 So What Was Your Part in All This?




Envision the Conversation




Now what do we do?




What's next?




Ask Yourself




Chapter 8 Decisions and Forgiveness (Yes, It's Required)




Signs that Maybe It's Time to Go




Choosing to Stay for "the Other Reasons"




He still doesn't know what he wants.




You don't want the relationship (but thought you did).




Forgiveness (Oh, no, not that!)




Afterword The End of the Journey:




Stepping Out Together in the New Relationship You Both Have Created




About the Author




Endnotes