Playing Big

INTRODUCTION You know that woman. She's a good friend or a colleague from work. She's smart and insightful. She gets it: Whatever the situation at her company, or in her community, or in the news, she has great ideas about what needs to happen. She's high integrity too-no greed, no temptation to corruption, no big hunger for power. And she's funny, warm, and trustworthy. Sometimes, you listen to her talk and think, if only people like her were in charge . . . So here's the thing: The way that you look at that woman? Someone looks at you that way. In fact, many people do. To us, you are that talented woman who doesn't see how talented she is. You are the woman who-it's clear to us-could start an innovative company or pull one out of the dysfunction it's in, improve the local schools, or write a book that would change thousands of lives. You are that fabulous, we-wish-she-was-speaking-up-more woman. Playing Big is about bridging the gap between what we see in you and what you know about yourself. It's a practical guide to moving past self-doubt and creating what you most want to create-whether in your career, in your community, or in a passion you pursue outside of work. It's not about the old-school notion of playing big-more money, more prestigious title, a bigger empire, or fame. It's about you living with a sense of greater freedom to express your voice and pursue your aspirations. It's playing big according to what playing big truly means to you. And if you don't know what playing big looks like for you yet, the ideas and tools here will help you discover that. This playing big is not about climbing the ladder within broken systems. It's about learning how to use your voice to change those systems. It's not about "opting in" or "opting out" according to our society's current thinking around what women should and shouldn't be doing. It's about turning away from those narrow labels, refocusing your attention on your longings and dreams, and playing big in going for them. This book was born out of a frustration and a hope. The frustration? Brilliant women are playing small. The hope? That the world could be changed-for the much, much better-by our greater participation. Nisha was one of my first coaching clients: in her early thirties; long, flowing black hair; always in bright colors that brought to life her beautiful face. Nisha was a midlevel program manager at a nonprofit organization. She was known there as a quiet, organized administrator, good at implementing others' plans. Yet in our coaching sessions, I got to know a very different Nisha. It turned out she was an avid learner who spent much of her free time reading the important journals and books related to her field. She was a creative thinker, full of ideas for how her organization could improve its work by incorporating the latest thinking in the industry. I happened to be very familiar with Nisha's employer and, after just a few meetings with her, could see that she was thinking about the future of the organization in a way that was at least as sophisticated and smart, if not more so, as the CEO and board were. But no one in Nisha's workplace knew any of this. Nisha's ideas and gifts were hidden. They were not making it out of her head and heart and into her organization. Among my coaching clients, friends, and colleagues, I kept encountering women like Nisha: brilliant women who couldn't quite see their own brilliance, women who were convinced their ideas needed more perfecting or refinement or time before being put into action, or women who-for reasons they weren't sure of-were not moving forward toward their greatest aspirations and dreams. It bothered me, a lot, because I wanted to live in the better, more humane, more enlightened world I knew these women could create. There was Elizabeth, another client, a dynamic former magazine editor who had adopted four children from a